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Passions in Poetry

How to Wash A Cat

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Rex Allen McCoy
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since 01-30-2000
Posts 2636
Sippin a Timmy's in London


0 posted 02-15-2002 10:14 AM       View Profile for Rex Allen McCoy   Email Rex Allen McCoy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rex Allen McCoy's Home Page   View IP for Rex Allen McCoy


How to Wash A Cat
~~~
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
~
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both the seat and lid lifted.
~
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom.
~
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the seat and lid. (You may need to stand on the lid so he cannot escape.)
~
CAUTION: DO NOT GET ANY PART OF YOUR BODY TOO CLOSE TO THE EDGE, AS HIS PAWS WILL BE REACHING OUT FOR ANY SURFACE THEY CAN FIND.
~
NOTE: THE CAT WILL SELF AGITATE AND MAKE AMPLE SUDS. NEVER MIND THE NOISES THAT COME FROM THE TOILET, THE CAT IS ACTUALLY ENJOYING THIS.
~
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
~
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
~
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can. Quickly lift the seat and lid.
~
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
~
~
Sincerely,
  THE DOG

amigo
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since 10-12-2001
Posts 525
the earth school


1 posted 02-15-2002 11:26 AM       View Profile for amigo   Email amigo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for amigo

...The Creator DID have a forethought - lucky, cats belong to the self-cleaning category...
Duncan
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since 08-07-2001
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2 posted 02-15-2002 11:42 AM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan

HA HA HA!  My cats were not amused.  The dog is laughing his tail off and saying, 'Here kitty, kitty'.
Sunshine
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since 06-25-99
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Listening to every heart


3 posted 02-15-2002 02:15 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT leave this where LJA can see it.  I don't want him getting any ideas for Lorelei's Musette!
Nan
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since 05-20-99
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Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


4 posted 02-15-2002 07:11 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Can we lock LJA out of this forum??? We can, right???..
Temptress
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since 06-15-99
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Mobile, AL


5 posted 02-15-2002 09:39 PM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress


I love cats, but I think this is absolutely hilarious!


Hmmm...I (and my siblings) used to stack milk crates at my Grandmother's and put her cats (and kittens) in the crates (underneath like they were in cages) and play vetrinarian. We used to try to teach them to climb (because we didn't know they had their own natural learning instincts..we thought we were helping them) by throwing them onto the curtains in the house and letting them climb down themselves! We caught them...well..sometimes we caught them if they began to fall. We'd give them "shots" Ohh..and we did the same climbing lessons on the outside of the house too except we used trees, but we didnt put them too high!

ROTFL! Well..**shrugs** We didn't know it was torture. We were trying to help them!

For all who watch.Dare you say hello? Come in and ask the questions that are on your mind, but spare me your judgement until you truly sipped of me.

Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
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Hurricane Alley


6 posted 02-15-2002 09:51 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine


Tried it...my cat, Moira, didn't care much for it...she spent almost ALL night outside.. making me worry and lose sleep. And she now RUNS past the bathroom..hmm.. she used to LOVE to sit at the door and wait for me.
Severn
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since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


7 posted 02-16-2002 03:35 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Sharon, I tried this too...but I decided a mere bucket was appropriate...minus soap, rinse and spin...

Have you ever seen a cat glare, then walk off managing to look dignified with dripping legs...?

Quite a sight...

Mean K

(I was a kid already...)

K

Ron
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since 05-19-99
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Michigan, US


8 posted 02-16-2002 03:53 AM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

I figure if God really wanted mankind to be washing cats, He would never have invented the lion. To my way of thinking, that was a definite warning.

When was the last time you heard about a man-eating dog?
PoetryIsLife
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since 10-27-2001
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...in my boxers...


9 posted 02-16-2002 02:01 PM       View Profile for PoetryIsLife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PoetryIsLife

I remember this from a bit back... still as humorous, even to a cat-lover.

The One, The Only... The Titus.

doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


10 posted 02-16-2002 03:55 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

you're not related to LongJohnAg are you?
RosePetal
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South Florida


11 posted 02-16-2002 07:50 PM       View Profile for RosePetal   Email RosePetal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RosePetal

hehhehe no worries for me, Im not much of a cat person, I like dogs
Rex Allen McCoy
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since 01-30-2000
Posts 2636
Sippin a Timmy's in London


12 posted 02-16-2002 11:19 PM       View Profile for Rex Allen McCoy   Email Rex Allen McCoy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rex Allen McCoy's Home Page   View IP for Rex Allen McCoy

Hey!
Dogs rule and cats drool ... I know this to be true, I saw it in a Disney Movie
Bec
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since 02-23-2001
Posts 489
Sunshine Coast


13 posted 02-17-2002 05:52 AM       View Profile for Bec   Email Bec   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bec

OMG!!!!!!! How hillarious! I don't have any cats, but I know some people who do!! *Here, Gocat!* My parents' dogs hate having a bath, and they're only small, they're miniature fox terriers, do you think it would work for them?

Bec

"Poetry and Hums aren't things which you get, they're things which get you. And all you can do is to go where they can find you."
-Winnie-the-Pooh

mini poet
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since 02-06-2000
Posts 58
Canada


14 posted 05-13-2009 02:24 PM       View Profile for mini poet   Email mini poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit mini poet's Home Page   View IP for mini poet

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
This is awesome!!!
Falling rain
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since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


15 posted 06-04-2009 12:57 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

LMAO! I have two cats. I might try this. ;D
I don't think they'd take to the new bath idea. lol. Wait, why do cats need a bath if they lick already clean themselves?

-Zach

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley

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