Member Rara Avis
being in Love so deeply is a very important thing. It's extremely painful to hear when the other person's feelings have changed and it's very hard to accept when you still feel them so strongly.
There are sometimes no explanations and any amount of trying to analyze what happened and why, can make things worse because you dig yourself in, over analyzing everything that was said, every encounter, and when you come to no conclusions because there are none, really, you end up blaming yourself.
Believe me, this is not a good thing to do. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you. You are a beautiful woman with a beautiful tender caring heart, a Poet and a giver. Know that first and formost. Then, although it's oh so hard and painful, try to move on by keeping your mind and time occupied by giving to yourself. Cry. Let it out. Write it down. Whatever you need to do.
Accusations and continued questioning of why doesn't help, either, it just makes things worse. There's a lot to be said about old adages. They become old adages because they have some basic truths to them. "If you love someone enough, set them free. If the love is meant to be, it will come back to you". (is that how it goes? ... something like that)
Time is the greatest healer. Expressing yourself is a great healer, too, as you are doing here and in your poetry. Loving yourself and giving to yourself the little beauties of life will help fill the gaps until one day you wake up and you realize that you didn't even think of him all day yesterday. One step at a time. One day, you'll wake up and realize that you haven't thought about him for a week, and then a month. It's progressive.
In the meantime, you are loving yourself so much and taking all the energy you gave to that person and giving it to yourself instead, focusing inwardly instead of out...... and you actually will start feeling good about things. How do you give to yourself? Well, what do you love to do? What parts of love fulfill your spirit? Do you like movies? Art galleries? Eating at an outdoor cafe? Drawing or painting? Concerts? Music? Treat yourself special. For just a moment think of all the things that you could have someone give you..... all those little beauties of life ..... walks in the park, little gifts, a weekend away at the beach. Whatever. Then, you be the person to give them to yourself. A little at a time.
It's won't be easy. It never is. But as I said, one day, after you take the time to nurture your own spirit and soul, to give to yourself.... you'll realize you don't "need" the love which is now past. And yes, the right man will come along to love you. I know that from deep within my soul. Even though I only know you from your poetry and responses, I see a beautiful giving kind gentle spirtual caring woman with a lot of love inside of you to give. He'll come along. And when he does, you'll think back to now and you'll say to yourself, I'm so glad I was able to move on because otherwise I would have never found this True Love. You will find it. But it will happen. Not when you're seeking it out, but instead when you're giving yourself all you deserve.
Sandra..... never ever believe that it is weak to express your heart and feelings. If you are a person who can feel so strongly and deeply, it is a special gift. Think of this love you have shared with this man as a gift, too. Whatever you got from it will always be with you. It is yours, forever. AND, although his feelings have changed, it is also his forever. He will remember you always and you will always be in his heart. Each of you has learned something special and precious and has grown from loving each other.
From 1Corinthians 13: "Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth."
If you love unselfishly and with your full heart, unconditionally, it is all good! It may not last forever and if it doesn't, he was not the right one for you.
I have a friend who says, "For every new love, we grow an entire new heart". You have loved this man with your whole heart and you feel it missing from your chest right now. But believe me, you WILL be able to give your whole heart to someone else in the future who will be right for you, without taking anything away from what you experienced with this man.
Ok, I've really rambled here. I hope this has helped even if only in some small way. There are things I know. My life is no example, that's for sure, but with every day and every new thing I learn, I know, I too will find the Love i deserve and it will be beautiful.
You see? I was talking to myself here, too.
To have loved so deeply........ is something to be cherished. Consider yourself lucky. Some people never ever feel that deep kind of love because they close their feelings up inside them and they are scared to let their feelings be known.
Never be scared of that. Love with the entirety of you. Believe that it is not only OK to give and feel so deeply but that it is the passion of life that so many miss. Let yourself hurt and heal and know you are strong for expressing yourself and for doing so.
Then, go out and dance!! Hell, he may be the DJ.