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Passions in Poetry

unwritten code

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Saxoness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 1176
Texas


0 posted 09-28-1999 12:42 PM       View Profile for Saxoness   Email Saxoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Saxoness

Ok, my parents and I had a slight altercation last night, and I wanted to get everyone's opinion on the subject.
As many of you know, I moved away to go to college, and my best friend often visits my house to talk to my family and talk to me on the pc, since she doesn't have one.
Well, she feels very at home at my house, and has been letting herself into my house without knocking.
Now, this makes my parents uncomfortable, which is understandable.
However, kelly was raised in a household where this happens all the time, they have sort of an open door policy.
The argument lies in this. They tried to tell me that she was Strange for being raised like that, that it was wrong to be raised like that.
Now, here is my question.
Do you think that just because they were raised with household ettiquette that was slightly different, that they are strange, and "wrong" for doing so?
I was quite upset with my parents narrow mindedness, and I've been thinking about it, so I wanted some more opinions.

------------------
"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot


Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


1 posted 09-28-1999 01:29 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Well, regardless of how a person was raised, once they step foot under another person's roof, all those previous rules are suspended, generally, for the duration of the visitation. And if, by some chance, you don't like the house rules, no one is forcing you to stay.

It's kinda like here. Say that there was a person who was raised to speak their mind, all the time, as loud as possible (think ALL CAPS for that one), without any cranial activity. i.e., they would just spout off anything without thinking about it first. Now, they could argue that that was the way they were raised, but under house rules it would be not only annoying, but disrepectful as well.

Well, I hope I haven't upset too many or stepped on too many toes. The opinion reflected by this moderator may or may not reflect the opinion of Passions in Poetry and of any of the other moderators or site administrators.


Alicat the persnikitty
Saxoness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 1176
Texas


2 posted 09-28-1999 02:19 PM       View Profile for Saxoness   Email Saxoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Saxoness

Alicat,

I completely agree. I never said she shouldn't follow house rules. In fact, I think she should.
I simply wondered if my parents should have the right to say she is strange, or was raised wrong. What do you think of that?
After all, a front door policy isn't morally wrong, is it?

------------------
"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot


Gansta of Love
Junior Member
since 09-28-1999
Posts 20
NLR,AR,USA


3 posted 09-28-1999 02:35 PM       View Profile for Gansta of Love   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gansta of Love

Well you got to figure this everyone is raised different and everyone is punished different. When a parent sees another parent raising a child differently they freak out. so don't take it personally just try and let it slide.
RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


4 posted 09-28-1999 08:15 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Saxoness: I agree with Alicat, when visiting you adopt house rules but I don't think it's strange at all, rather the reverse because they or you must have made her at home enough to walk in in without knocking... I have an open door policy in my home where friends are free to come in whenever they like if the door is unlocked but just because that's the policy I adopt I wouldn't dream of doing it elsewhere without the express invitation to do so...

HUGS

Ps: How are you settling in now, hope life is looking a little brighter and you're not quite so homesick..



------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Saxoness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 1176
Texas


5 posted 09-28-1999 08:23 PM       View Profile for Saxoness   Email Saxoness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Saxoness

thanks everyone for the opininions, some days are better than others. : )

------------------
"Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone
I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me."

-Charles Brugnot


Justbleu
Member Elite
since 08-31-99
Posts 3430
Oregon, Originally From Alaska


6 posted 09-30-1999 12:56 AM       View Profile for Justbleu   Email Justbleu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Justbleu's Home Page   View IP for Justbleu

I personally think it is right to not judge others on how they were raised and the like!! I don't think it is strange about the way her family is with the "open door policy" But, the friend should take into consideration that this is not her family and needs to show respect to yours.

Bridgette
Lucie
Senior Member
since 06-20-99
Posts 1123
Houston


7 posted 09-30-1999 01:01 AM       View Profile for Lucie   Email Lucie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lucie

I think the open door policy is fine.. except that if your parents don't have anymore children at home since you are in college.. then perhaps its a privacy issue. I know people don't like to think of their parents in that way, but I am sure they are still sexual. So perhaps is just that when she doesn't knock that it intrudes or they are afraid she will walk in at an inopportune time.. hehe.. just my thoughts on it.
Larry A. Tilander
Junior Member
since 10-04-1999
Posts 13
Belleville, Ontario, Canada


8 posted 10-05-1999 10:39 AM       View Profile for Larry A. Tilander   Email Larry A. Tilander   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry A. Tilander's Home Page   View IP for Larry A. Tilander

She can do as she wishes at her house. At your parents house she follows the house rules. She wouldn't be welcomed into my house.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


9 posted 10-05-1999 02:00 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

If I understand the question, it is on whether or not your parents may allude to your friend's way of being raised, which they have entitled as "strange."

In your parents' home, they certainly have the right to address an outside situation in whatever way they see fit. If they were to be in your friend's home, and voice their opinion of the "strange" way in which she was being raised, this would indeed be rude and inconsiderate.

I am guessing that you have been in your friend's home, and relish with some envy the way she was raised, and have also wished that your parents would have been a little more like that in your raising, however, you also appear to have been "OK" with the way your parents raised you. You are seeing both sides.

From this point forward, a woman would take the next opportunity [but not necessarily make the opportunity] to correct your parents if they voice again their opinion of your friend's "strange-ness" by asking them what it is that leads them to this opinion, and then having a discussion about the difference in cultures, etc. You may learn that your parents are not so much narrow-minded, but just "ignorant" of different societal fundamentals.

Hope this helps. Good luck.
Tal
Junior Member
since 10-05-1999
Posts 27
Singapore


10 posted 10-06-1999 03:00 AM       View Profile for Tal   Email Tal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tal

Actually... I feel that this situation is kinda familiar due to the fact that I myself am one of those people who are often satying over at people's houses. This silly habit is actually quite destructive to family relationships..um.. I mean my own family. They're always saying: "This sin't a hotel where you can come back only when you feel like it.." But personally, I don't care. But that's not to say that my friends' parents are fine with this. I obviously do not stay at one friend's home one week in a row (Accept when I ran away from home and the time my friend's parents went on holiday.), so they are kinda used to it. Neverthless, I think your parents are the lawkeepers in the home (After all, they bought it.), and that you should abide by whatever decision they have.. Um. I think I'm writing this a little late.. since I'm a new member and kinda dumb to what goes on around here.
 
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