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Passions in Poetry

Twenty Responses to Use With Telemarketers

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WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


0 posted 05-22-2000 11:54 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

I don't know about y'all. But I sure wish I had something to say to these guys when they call. They NEVER seem to take NO for an answer!

So now you have something to say to them too! ROFLMBO!!!


"Twenty Responses to Use With Telemarketers"
Rated PG

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankrupcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many
people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. "
You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just
give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and
you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner
conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved for use on telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing.
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 05-22-2000 11:57 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

LOL...I have caller ID..if I don't know you, I don't talk to you!!!
wayoutwalt
Member Ascendant
since 06-22-99
Posts 5106
TEXAS (it's all big)


2 posted 05-23-2000 12:02 AM       View Profile for wayoutwalt   Email wayoutwalt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wayoutwalt

i was lissening to a radio commercial this guy wants to buy a bible but the shopkeeper wants to sell him a psychic's book and yadda yadda end of the story was that the psychic book was a best seller cuz it came with a book called 100 ways to get a telemarketer to hang up in 5 seconds so the guy bought a copy yuh yuh ...fun post yuh
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


3 posted 05-23-2000 12:09 AM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

LOL Sharon! Guess I'll have to give you my number first then eh? LOL

Walt ROFL! If it had that I might just buy a copy too! But I have this now *G*
Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 06-16-99
Posts 3968
In the space between moments


4 posted 05-23-2000 10:32 PM       View Profile for Alwye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alwye

ROTF!!!!!!  I'll have to try some of these!  Thanks!  

 *Krista Knutson*

~We are only truly lost when we have lost ourselves~
Butterflies_dont_cry
Member Elite
since 03-06-2000
Posts 3768
Michigan


5 posted 05-23-2000 10:48 PM       View Profile for Butterflies_dont_cry   Email Butterflies_dont_cry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Butterflies_dont_cry

I got 5 of these calls today.....wish I would have read this sooner!!! LOL was great!!
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


6 posted 05-24-2000 03:22 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!

(laughter fading off into the distance...)

K
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


7 posted 05-24-2000 03:22 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Ok well...blame THIS double post on the server...



[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 05-24-2000).]
ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


8 posted 05-24-2000 04:37 PM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

LOL.....ROTFL!!

Love and hugs,
Lizzie
      


 "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."
 
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