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Age, the Number

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ashley cain
Junior Member
since 05-12-2000
Posts 30
Texas


0 posted 07-18-2000 01:01 PM       View Profile for ashley cain   Email ashley cain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ashley cain

You know what, for some time now i've been really po'd about statuatory rape laws.  Just because someone hasn't reached the "legal age" doesn't mean that they are stupid and don't know bull about stuff.  I'm fifteen, and my ex (who was 17 at the time) and I had sex.  So, since I'm not 18 yet, I'm considered "innocent" and "incapable of giving my consent."  I personally think that "the law" needs wake up and notice it's the 21 century, not 1910 or whatever.  It's not like i'm gonna screw around with a 50 year old.  I'm just saying that I don't see what's wrong with being with someone three years older than you.  Last time i checked, you learn how to say no at around the age of 2 or 3 years of age.  So, I think anyone under 18 is capable of giving their consent.  
Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


1 posted 07-18-2000 01:22 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

Ashley~

There is a lot more to sex than just the moment itself. There are so many consequences to it that people don't even think about. What about pregnancy or STDs? And when you said
quote:
anyone under 18 is capable of giving their consent

what about a 10-year-old? If someone that age wants to have sex with a 13-year-old, is it OK for them to do so because they learned how to say no when they were a toddler? Yes, that is when people learn how to say no, but at 3 you don't even know that sex exists.

The laws are there for a reason. There are some people out there who need them. Maybe not everyone does, but as the law is there it should be obeyed.

Elizabeth


I'm grabbing my hat and coat
I'm leaving the cat a note
Quick call me a ferry boat-getting out of town!


RainbowGirl
Member Elite
since 07-31-99
Posts 3167
United Kingdom


2 posted 07-18-2000 03:32 PM       View Profile for RainbowGirl   Email RainbowGirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit RainbowGirl's Home Page   View IP for RainbowGirl

Ashley:  If the laws weren't there then many, many more young people would not be protected...at least with the age of consent it does at least mean that adults, i.e. those over 18 years of age at least have to stop and think before comitting an act that could possibly wreck someone's life... You may very well know what you are doing but I'm not ashamed to say I thought I knew as well but I still think I know, only to find out I didn't...

There are also many youngsters who get caught up in infatuation and older people can often take liberties with that and do so...

How often have I heard, or anyone else...a man saying "but she knew it was leading to that or I thought she was just teasing me when she said no or she was leading me on....I know many youngsters that fantasise about making love but the reality is it's special because you knew someone and love them, had the chance to get close in mind and to share but so often sex takes place within days and it isn't really what some people want but they find themsleves in a situation that they don't know how to get out of, so the law tries to protect although it doesn't always and there's also plenty of situations where the girl cries rape and it just didn't happen the way she described it...I guess the law is there to try to make you think...

Just another opinion..

HUGS
Jamie
Member Elite
since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven


3 posted 07-18-2000 04:50 PM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

Laws differ from state to state (USA) and therefore what is statutory rape in one state may be contributing to the delinquincy of a minor in a more liberal state. Make no mistake about it however, it is a great travesty when it occurs. I consented to things when I was 30 that I wish I could take back, and heaven only knows that nobody would ever age beyond puberty for going back to change things if it were possible to do so. There are few mulligans in life, and a do over on the decision to have sex for the first time is not one of them. I feel for you. I am a man so it is not the same, nor do I make pretense of ever beginning to even fathom anything close to understanding from the woman's side of it. But I do know this;
You can not go back to holding hands; and that of itself a kind of tragedy all by its lonesome. Best wishes to you ashley cain.

jamie
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


4 posted 07-18-2000 05:43 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Well, I'm a teenager (15) and I have several friends who's boyfriends have broken the statuatory rape laws. I have to say that I agree with the other people who have replied in saying that these laws SHOULD be inforced. I know how ignrant people my age can me. Not ALL people my age, but a lot of them. Probably most of them. Although 30 and 34 might not be a large age diffrence, 15 and 19 is. The reason is that you learn a lot in those four years. As a teenager, you do a lot of growing up in ONE year.

Sex is something you don't want to do as a teenager, anyway. We have enough stuff going on in our lives. Who needs pregnancy or STD's? I hope I gave you something to think about.

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


5 posted 07-18-2000 05:49 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

If I might be so presumptuous to ask... What does this subject matter have to do with a poetry website?  This is an issue of legality and appropriate behavior between adults and under-aged children.  I'm not comfortable with such a discussion, initiated by a self-proclaimed minor - a brand new member at that, being posted here.
Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 05-19-99
Posts 9708
Michigan, US


6 posted 07-18-2000 06:46 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

Nan, what does God have to do with a poetry web site? Or love? Or whether a toilet seat is left up or down? Poetry is about the lives we live, not just the words we put on paper. And whether a discussion is initiated by a new Member or someone who's been here a hundred years hardly seems pertinent. Is one less than the other?

I'm not at all surprised you have a problem with the subject material. I do, too, though I would hasten to point out the original topic was not about sex between an adult and a child. Seventeen is not an adult, not legally and certainly not emotionally. If I have any problem at all with the law, it would be that both children should be prosecuted for statutory rape. Neither has the emotional maturity to make decisions that will impact their lives for years and perhaps decades to follow. And before anyone takes issue with that statement, let me quickly add I would say the same thing about all people in their twenties and most in their thirties.

But while I'm uncomfortable with the topic, Nan, I'm not going to grasp at excuses to explain away my discomfort. Which I think is what you've done here. I know you are intelligent enough, and sensitive enough, to realize the motivation for your complaints runs deeper than irrelevance to poetry. And I suspect you are honest enough to admit that, sometimes, it's just plain hard to articulate the roots of our discomfort. Even for writers. We know something is dangerous, even if we can't explain why.

The bottom line is pretty simple, really. There MUST be laws to protect the young. Eighteen is an arbitrary age, and Ashley feels it is too high. It's based largely on physical maturity, as the average age when a human being stops growing, and I personally feel it is much too low. And it doesn't matter a twit what either of us believe when someone is standing in front of the judge. Like so many of our social conventions, it is a compromise. Like so many of our laws, it is a poor one. But the alternative would be far worse.

This is, frankly, not the first time the issue of teen sex has surfaced at Passions. We've discussed it at some length in the Moderator's forum, in private of course, trying to arrive at a suitable and safe stance. On the one hand, it's a very real issue, a part of the life we all write about every day. Ignoring it doesn't make it just go away. But on the other hand, it's also rife with dangers. If there is any way that Passions can be seen as advocating teen sex, everything we have fought to build here could be easily lost. We have struggled though a lot of tumultuous events over the past year, struggled to maintain this site as one with a family atmosphere. I would like to think the parents of any of our teenage poets could wander into our doors and feel comfortable with the standards we have collectively achieved. Dare we risk that?

Like Nan, I am uncomfortable with this subject. And I think a very large part of that discomfort comes from knowing I don't have any answers. And suspecting there are none. There is absolutely nothing I - or anyone else here - can say that will dissuade a teenager from making their own mistakes. That is ultimately the parent's job, and it's either accomplished in the first dozen years of life or not at all. But while there's little good that can come of this discussion, there is much harm that can result from it.

Ashley, I understand your confusion. And your frustration. Even your anger. But it is a subject that should be discussed with your family, your clergy, your school counselors. Please don't put us in a position where we can do little good and potentially so much harm.
ashley cain will be notified of replies
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