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Passions in Poetry

Let's pick on men instead of blondes" this time:

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WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


0 posted 07-27-2000 11:21 AM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

I just couldn't resist  


What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

(my favorite one!) How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook - they eat; we clean - they dirty;  we iron -they wrinkle.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE, He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent man?
Bigfoot has been spotted several times.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?
"My wife says..."

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.

Why did God create man before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley


1 posted 07-27-2000 11:41 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I love the spider one!!    
Elizabeth
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Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
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America the beautiful


2 posted 07-27-2000 12:30 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

LOL!

Elizabeth


Why ME???
Severn
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since 07-17-99
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3 posted 07-27-2000 12:33 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

What's the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent man?
Bigfoot has been spotted several times

LOVE it...superb...obviously a woman thought of this...

K
Nan
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since 05-20-99
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Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


4 posted 07-27-2000 03:20 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Don't let Christopher read these...
Christopher
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since 08-02-99
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Purgatorial Incarceration


5 posted 07-27-2000 07:10 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

ROFL @ NAN! (brat!)  

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE, He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.


Yep...that just about fits...
Balladeer
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6 posted 07-27-2000 08:00 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

DOVEY!!!! I am shocked and appalled that you would stoop so low!!  et tu, Severn??? I am wounded! You know, they call it mankind because men are such kind creatures but there could be retaliation on this one's mind........
Jeffrey Carter
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since 04-08-2000
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State of constant confusion!


7 posted 07-27-2000 09:14 PM       View Profile for Jeffrey Carter   Email Jeffrey Carter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jeffrey Carter

Balladeer,

You go get 'em. If you need me I'll be hiding behind Christopher  
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


8 posted 07-27-2000 10:21 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Balladeer!  Bring it on!  We could use a laugh around here    

You wouldn't retaliate against a dove now would ya  
Severn
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since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


9 posted 07-27-2000 10:47 PM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Oh please 'deer...the injured look on you just doesn't work...lol...

YOU deserve it, cause YOU haven't written for so long...this is Severny Payback...

At least I have seen Big Foot recently...

(hehehee)

)
Nan
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since 05-20-99
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Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


10 posted 07-27-2000 11:42 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

I saw some Deer prints......

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


11 posted 07-28-2000 03:14 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

***** The deer has responded *****

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (edited 07-28-2000).]
Ethan Halo
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since 04-28-2000
Posts 820
on the roof again


12 posted 07-28-2000 04:33 PM       View Profile for Ethan Halo   Email Ethan Halo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ethan Halo's Home Page   View IP for Ethan Halo

Haven't you all heard of the Women's movement?

"Woman, put on somethin' cute and Move It into the kitchen."

Everyone's got their demons.
We all got somethin' to atone for.
Irie
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since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


13 posted 07-28-2000 06:34 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

quote:
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.


ROFLMAO

Sounds too much like some one I know all too well!
I think the two above came directly from my husband!



~Sheri
Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores


14 posted 07-29-2000 10:33 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Oh yeah,Balladeer -
Your 'kindness' is well-written
in your madness of the past !

quote:
DOVEY!!!! I am shocked and appalled that you would stoop so low!!  et tu, Severn??? I am wounded! You know, they call it mankind because men are such kind creatures


From Open #6 as I recall -

quote:
As I sip my morning brew
I listen to the mourning coo
Of sitting dove upon my sill
Right next to the whipporwill.

His sweet song filled my heart with love,
The cooings of this little dove
So I said, "Sweet dove, thanks a bunch"..
And had the little guy for lunch!  

     THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT!!!!!     


Your manly kindness is overwhelming.
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Gossamerwings
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since 07-18-2000
Posts 210


15 posted 07-29-2000 04:29 PM       View Profile for Gossamerwings   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gossamerwings

I have four brothers and love them all and have always had positive male relationships, but this is ROTF funny.  Thanks for the great laughs.
      


Gossamerwings ;)
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


16 posted 07-29-2000 10:45 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Deer!!!  Talking about appauled!  You'd do that to a sweet lil' innocent dove?  
Well, hmmph!  Thanks for pointing out that kind side of him Marge!
 
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