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I am just flat out annoyed, irritated, torqued, flamed, GRRRRRR

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X Angel
Senior Member
since 11-07-1999
Posts 1592
Oregon


0 posted 08-08-2000 02:23 PM       View Profile for X Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for X Angel

OK get this, I just moved my business to a neighboring town, where prejudice runs high, and the tendency to shut-out people who others deem unwelcome runs rampant as well.

There is this great Italian guy, he has a beautiful restaurant, quite expensive, but wow. What a wonderful place! He is technically my competitor (we both do espresso, pastries, lunches), but even when I was in neighboring town, we struck up a wonderful friendship. He and his wife seem like hardworking, decent people. But over half the people I meet hate him and bad mouth him like crazy. Not knowing that my family and his are such great friends (he even offered to purchase my shop/home for me so I could worry about a bank loan at a later date ...read that...cash$$$$, I declined, but the offer was genuine...) He is very Italian, and very politically incorrect...he won't placate people.... At every turn I am defending him and tell everyone how great of friends we are, and what a nice man he is, etc etc. But I feel like maybe I am going to end up being on the recieving end of the treatment he recieves as well, if I continue to be so vocal about this guy. I think he is being treated unfairly and can't sit by and say nothing, or even go along with these meanies.
What do I do????????????

Thanks for the opportunity to rant and rave.
~Heather
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


1 posted 08-08-2000 02:34 PM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

In a perfect world where solutions are often much simpler to arrive at this is what I might say...
1. Make this friend of yours understand that peopel dislike him for certain of his misdemeanour (if any in his attitude... you have to find the flaws as a perfect friend is expected to do)
2. Make your customers/other people in the town realise that he is not so bad as they think him to be and that they should probably try to come out of their prejudice... better still try to debate the facts in a reasonable way whenever you chat with them... not forcing them to take a particular decision but leading them to one...

Well this is for the perfect world.
In reality, this is way complex. How much are you sure that the people of the town are not discussing the same with him (or other competitors) about you or just causing to take your opinions etc on that matter or maybe try to create a rift amongst you both to gain in a business competition benefits etc... Are people from the tows really innocent and straight? You have to come toa  conclusion on this for sure...

Now Heather, the action to take is to talk to your friend and if he is a genuinely good friend  he will understand and disclose if the other people are talking the same about you as well, then you will know where things are wrong..... etc...

I think I have been helpful in a small way at least... not that I am expert on people matters etc...

Keep your cheerful smiles up,
One way or other troubles will meet their end...

regards,
sudhir

[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 08-08-2000).]
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


2 posted 08-08-2000 03:56 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Smile nice - make the nice people their espresso... Tell them you prefer to get along with everyone.... and smile again...
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


3 posted 08-08-2000 04:29 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

Personally, when I encounter this type of prejudice, ignorance and blatant disrespect spoken behind the backs of others, I say something. It's not easy sometimes, but I can't tolerate this type of thing.... so I speak out and say something like, "I respect all people for who they are and I would appreciate it if you didn't make any negative comments about him or anyone else when I'm around." Needless to say, this sometimes floors people... they get embarrassed, their jaws sometimes drop and there may be a change in my relationship with them.... but... so what?

I used to work with a woman who made habit of talking behind other people's backs. She would often stop by my office and chat with me and that chat was continually filled with private information about other people. At first, I would look away or change the subject but this didn't stop her behavior or her persistance in attempting to tell me things that I did not want to hear.... so I came right out and told her one day, "Please don't tell me this type of information about other people. I wonder what you say to others about me." And it stopped. But our friendship changed. Oh well.

Anyway, that's what I would do. Say something. But that's just me. Good luck, Heather.

BTW, is this Italian guy single? hehe *wink*

whoops... just re-read your comment and i guess he's married... oh well...    

[This message has been edited by doreen peri (edited 08-08-2000).]
Jamie
Member Elite
since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven


4 posted 08-08-2000 06:12 PM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

Evidently his abrasiveness does not dissuade patronage of his restaurant. Our resident Ms. Solomon (Nan) said it best I think.




Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".


Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


5 posted 08-08-2000 06:21 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I would stand up for what I believe in, even if it means being run out of town on a rail. Friendships are rare in this life and to find someone like your Italian friend is almost a miracle.

Prejudice is ugly. Hate is horrible. But indifference is even worse. Remind those who talk about your friend in a negative way that you leave the judgment of others to God. He will take care of us all..including you (then look them right in the eye!)


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


6 posted 08-08-2000 09:27 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

First, you read everything written above as the given, sage advice it is.

Then you read Nan's response, say, oh, half-a-dozen times.

Then do what my Mom did. When someone would start in about another person and ask my Mom's opinion, she would say something to the effect of "I don't talk about you behind your back, why would I talk about him/her behind theirs?"

Talk about squelching a ranting session!

Karilea
When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


7 posted 08-09-2000 09:52 AM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

I think if he's disliked in the community, he probably already knows it.

The thing to do would be to NOT go with the "in" crowd on this one!

Maybe they are jealous of his booming business. Nontheless, it is your place and let them know that kind of berament won't be tolerated. When people know you won't stand for 'bad' talk of others, they will find some place else to go, or they'll respect it and stop doing it.

You may seem the odd one out, but what an opportunity to be an example!

I have to add here I wrote this before I saw Doreen's comment. I was typing and went back and read, and I think she's right on the money!
Cause sometimes that's exactly what it takes is boldness. Most of those people are not used to having someone blurt out the truth like that. They are floored because it makes them stop and think of what they are doing and saying. So they will either think about it, and think you are the rude one and go elsewhere, or they will realize what they're doing, and find respect for what you've said.

Good luck to you! Stand on the truth, it's always the best way to go!



[This message has been edited by WhtDove (edited 08-09-2000).]
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


8 posted 08-10-2000 08:01 AM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Heather - Its been my experience that people who talk behind others' backs do it all the time.  So don't worry about whether or not they are taling behind your back - they are.  What you are doing right now reflects the classiness you have - stand up for your friends; speak quietly but with conviction.  People who spend all their time putting others down eventually end up with nobody to talk to - Integrity always sells well, and you have a ton of it.
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


9 posted 08-19-2000 02:36 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

I say kill 'em all and let god sort out the dead!
Irie
Senior Member
since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


10 posted 08-23-2000 12:31 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

But before you kill them all, give them ALL a good poke in the eye!  

Tough spot for you to be in, I hope you're able to work it out soon.



~Sheri
 
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