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As a Kansan, I can Post This

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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart

0 posted 08-25-2000 06:49 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Excerpts from an E-mail

Welcome to Kansas

May 30th

Just moved to Kansas. Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Blue Grass Pastures and Flint Hills
blended together. What a place!  Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in a air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.

June 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with praire flower plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's a dry heat.  Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though:
got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th
I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had swollen up to
the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000 worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and ****. No more pets in this heat!

July 25th
Dry heat, my ass. Hot is hot!! The home air conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to
order parts.

July 30th
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug 4th
115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairmam pissed in my pool.  I hate this state.

Aug 8th
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to tear his throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator
is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like roasted Garfield!!

Aug 10th
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to live for two months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren state?  Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth of Praire flowers just dried up and blew into the pool. Even a sunflower can't live in this heat.

Aug 14th
Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 123 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix
it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.

Aug 30th
Worst day of the damn summer. I'm not leaving the house. The monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell. The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $500
windshield. That does it, we're moving north for some peace and quiet.

[Look out Michiganders, I might come home!]

When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002

1 posted 08-25-2000 08:01 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Sounds just like Philadelphia minus the cactus and prairie flowers! We usually have hot and humid.....boy, talk about a steam bath! I'd love to 'summer' in Michigan and 'winter' in Florida....geeze, I guess everybody would, huh?  

Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas

2 posted 08-25-2000 09:22 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Or you could try beautiful, spartan southwestern Arizona, right by the Colorado River.  It gets hot, damn hot....hotter than Satan's jockstrap.  Humid? No worries....only get roughly 3 inches of rain a year, usually all at once.  Although the mountains are very pretty, climbing them would put you closer to the sun...and that could be a bad thing.  

P.S.  That lil face ain't's sunburned. enough for ya?
Member Elite
since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven

3 posted 08-26-2000 12:34 AM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

Makes me so glad to live in North Carolina
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA

4 posted 08-26-2000 01:01 AM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

The State of Michigan awaits your return with open arms and below 100 degree tempratures!!!


That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl

Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

5 posted 08-27-2000 01:08 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Click your heels three more times... Maybe it'll send ya back from whence ya came....
Senior Member
since 01-30-2000
Posts 621
Recess, OfYourMind

6 posted 08-27-2000 01:48 PM       View Profile for mariee66   Email mariee66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mariee66

Michigan, eh?  Well read this e-mail I received back in Jan., when there was a terrible snow storm in my area...sure to make you laugh.

        A Southerner Moves North
Jan.10        5:00pm It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful.

Jan. 11      We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape.  What a fantastic sight.  Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle.  I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it.  I did both our driveway and our sidewalk.  Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street.  The driver smiled and waved.  I waved back and shoveled again.

Jan. 12      It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has dropped to about 10 degrees.  Several limbs on the trees and shrubs snapped due to the weight of the snow.  I shoveled our driveway again.  Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again.  Much of the snow is now brownish grey.

Jan.13       Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again.  Bought snow tires for both cars.  Fell on my *ss in the driveway.  $145 to a chiropractor, but nothing was broken.  More snow and ice expected.

Jan. 14      Still cold.  Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 in order to get to work.  Slid into a guard rail anyway and did considerable amount of damage to the right quarter-panel.  Had another 8 inches of the white *hit last night.  Both vehicles covered in salt and crud.  More shoveling in store for me today.  The *amn snowplow came by twice today.

Jan.15       2 degrees outside.  More *uckin' snow.  Not a tree or shrub on our property hasn't been damaged.  Power was off most of the night.  Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and nearly burned down the house.  I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows.  Car slide on the ice on the way to the emergency room and was totaled.

Jan. 16      Mother *uckin' white *hit keeps coming down.  Have to put on all clothes we own just to get to the *uckin' mailbox.  If I ever catch that son of a *itch that drives the snowplow I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart.  I think he hides around the corner and waits to plow shut our driveway again!  Power still off.  Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

Jan. 17       6 *amn more *uckin' inches of *uckin' snow and *uckin' sleet and *uckin' ice and god knows what other kind of white *uckin' *hit fell last night.  I wounded the *uckin' snowplow *sshole with an ice axe but he got away.  Wife left me.  Car won't start.  I think I'm going snow blind.  I can't move my toes.  Haven't seen the sun in weeks.  More snow predicted.  Wind chill 22 *uckin' degrees.  I'm moving back to North Carolina.      
Member Elite
since 06-19-99
Posts 2528

7 posted 08-27-2000 02:44 PM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mike

twas only 108 yesterday Sunshine... three weeks ago we were complaining about all the rain...  wait an hour or two, the weather will change.. sheesh.. it is Kansas here.  Nan... if ye be kicking your heels together three times you might be bringing out a Wicked Witch...
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart

8 posted 08-27-2000 04:48 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

HEH HEH...I'll only leave Kansas for visits elsewhere...this has become my HOME [move over, TOTO]

Ali...the temp's'r certainly trying their darndest to make it hot for everything...[stuff's shriveling from the ground up!]

Sven...I knew of some hot days in Michigan...just not as many!!!

Nan, see Mike's note...

MIKE!!! Yikes! Now I'm wicked!  [he he he!] [We need a wicked smiley...]
Sunshine will be notified of replies
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