I have been at these crossroads alot in the last 10 years or so. I have quit countless jobs in search of something elusive to chase down. When I left Oklahoma a year plus ago I justified it by saying the big tornado of '99 made up my mind but to be honest I was just sick of my life as I knew it. I was a deli manager in some small podunk town no one ever heard of and couldn't even be found on most maps. After 3 years of never quite fitting in I left, hopped on a bus, and went home to Boise. I was tired of my kids (who no longer needed me) tired of my husband (who always fought with the kids) and really tired of my job that was never going to see an advancement for the rest of my natural life. I let it all go and went to search for something different. I left it all behind, house, car, everything, and never regretted any of it, including the separation. Eventually the kids and husband found their way back into my life but now things have to be more fun and creative, and above all mellow. I can't stand the dullness of making money. I never wanted to be wealthy...just 'being' is good enough if you love what you do for a living. I have a great job that I love and my husband and I are closer than I thought possible and the kids realized what life without Mom was like and didn't care for it. I am glad the people in my life loved me enough to let me find a place for me and to me that is much more important than money. I lost it all, but I got back what was truly important. Everything else is just stuff and eventually most 'stuff' ends up being yard sale fodder so other people can gather stuff. When I die, I want people to say that I was worth the love they invested in 'me', not that they loved my stuff, or that I was a great money maker. Happiness, satisfaction, and well being gets my vote everytime.
Poetry~ Words falling on paper, painting a dream.
Shawna R. Holder