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Passions in Poetry

Would you? or not.....

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Local Rebel
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since 12-21-1999
Posts 5742
Southern Abstentia


25 posted 09-26-2000 10:40 PM       View Profile for Local Rebel   Email Local Rebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Local Rebel

My 2 cents.... the answer is always no until you ask...

and then even if the answer is no -- the worst thing that can happen is -- you move on and find someone who says -- Yes
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


26 posted 09-26-2000 11:05 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Interesting what I just found in Feelings, take a look.
http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum1/HTML/000288.html
aLLaLONE
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since 09-25-2000
Posts 7


27 posted 09-27-2000 01:53 AM       View Profile for aLLaLONE   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for aLLaLONE

I think you know what I'm going to write. I'm the guy that wrote that thing in "Feelings". You just got to put it all out there. If you don't you might miss out on something special. If you get rejected, at least theres no regret. Go all out.
Sven
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since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


28 posted 09-27-2000 12:48 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

WOO HOO DOREEN!!!

This is perfect. . . Doreen's right people. . . you have to do it. . . life's too short. . . there's no time like now. . . sure, you might get rejected. . . but at least you'll know!!!  

It's better to know than to NOT know and torture yourself. . .

--------------------------------------------------------

That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl



[This message has been edited by Sven (edited 09-27-2000).]
Ron
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29 posted 09-27-2000 03:35 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

If one is talking about "like" as in friendship, then I absolutely agree it is important to vocalize your feelings. Friends are the cornerstone of life.

If one is talking about "like" as in a serious relationship, then again, I agree. Anything and everything you do in life is a gamble, a weighing of the possible benefits versus the possible hazards, and this is one of those few instances where the benefits GREATLY outweigh any possible downside.

But if we're talking about "like" as in a casual, it-might-become-something-someday romance, then I have to repeat my earlier answer - it depends.

I love to read. Fiction, nonfiction, poetry, the back of cereal boxes - it just doesn't seem to matter. There have been extended periods in my life, lasting several months, where I would average about ten books a week. That kind of intensity (not unusual in my life) is a bit intrusive, of course, and I wasn't getting a whole lot else done. These days I tend to read only during meals and finish about a book a week. Unless I find a particularly absorbing novel, in which case I usually read it in a single sitting.

I wish I could read every book that draws my interest. I can't, because life is short and there are other things I want to do. Reading is both a great joy in my life and a disruptive force, so I've found I need to be selective. Does that mean I miss some really great reads? Probably. Almost certainly. But as much as I enjoy reading, as much as I cherish finding that rare book that can change the way we experience life, I cannot devote too much of my life to the pursuit. I have to hope I can find that rare read through reviews or recommendations - or by pure luck - because I know I can't find it through simple diligence. Life is simply too short.

If I find a person I enjoy spending time with as a friend, without expectations or pressures, that is the equivalent of reading the dust jacket to see if I think I'll like the book. In many instances, that simply means sharing common interests. A trip to the theatre. A visit to local event. Even just a casual lunch or, better, an impromptu picnic. Telling someone I "like" them in a romantic sense at this stage is premature and too much like saying, "I want to be your friend because I think there's the potential for more." I'd much rather just enjoy their company. As friends.

It's not so much that I'm afraid of being rejected as it is I dislike the sense of obligation. I might find the painting on the cover attractive and the inside jacket interesting, but that still doesn't mean I'm going to buy the book. I just want to read a bit more before committing myself to something as serious as "like."  
Local Rebel
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since 12-21-1999
Posts 5742
Southern Abstentia


30 posted 09-27-2000 04:10 PM       View Profile for Local Rebel   Email Local Rebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Local Rebel

Well -- my interpretation of the question was just whether or not to take the initial step -- yanno ask somebody out or not -- which I think is great when the woman does it too.. btw...

but -- I have to agree with Ron -- once there is mutual interest established it's best to peel the orange slowly -- but if you don't peel at all -- you never get to the sweet stuff inside
AngelShell
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since 03-01-2000
Posts 526
not heaven nor hell so...


31 posted 09-27-2000 11:24 PM       View Profile for AngelShell   Email AngelShell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AngelShell

Going all out and telling someone you like them has both it's advantages and it's disadvantages...I don't know what age group Im speaking to here, but I'm guessing that you're all a little older than I...there fore, you would all (hopefully) have a little more experience than myself.
But telling someone, can also be a MAJOR let down...I mean, COME ON, confidence shattered, heart broken, humiliation...

In fact, all this isn't too uncommon to me right now...and if you will...I shall tell you my sad and weary tale of heart break and dissapointment...
(It's actually not that big a story)
Met a guy, liked him, thought he liked me, got drunk, burst out crying when he kissed one of my best friends (who is ah...a little...how do I say this...loose?) told him the next day that I liked him (I think I was still drunk...because that's SO NOT LIKE ME...) got let down.
So, that's the story.
Only now, I see him ALL THE TIME.  I mean, I'd never MET this guy before, and now I see him all the time (go figure).
Local Rebel
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since 12-21-1999
Posts 5742
Southern Abstentia


32 posted 09-28-2000 10:16 AM       View Profile for Local Rebel   Email Local Rebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Local Rebel

Well AngelShell -- when you peel that orange you have to go through some bitter pulp, get messy and sticky, and be prepared to deal with the pits....

but the sweet stuff is worth it?  que no?

and we always have to consider that there are six billion people on this planet... and I assume you are looking for only -- ONE?  so.. no point wasting more time on a dead end road -- the time you invested was time well spent -- any more time is just sunk -- so -- look in the mirror -- remind yourself that you are not for everybody -- (and more important that everyone is not for you) and find self esteem in the fact that you were willing to lay it on the line and risk the courage of your convictions.... good practice for the next time...  and you can take good notes about who you want to invest in in the future...  
White Wolf
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since 09-18-99
Posts 384
Somewhere in the vast wastelan


33 posted 09-29-2000 12:33 AM       View Profile for White Wolf   Email White Wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for White Wolf

I do believe I would let her know.  A single white rose with a peom proclaiming what I feel and see what happens from there.

The White Wolf


Would the bunny like this nice carrot? I don't bite. Much. :)
AngelShell
Senior Member
since 03-01-2000
Posts 526
not heaven nor hell so...


34 posted 09-29-2000 01:51 AM       View Profile for AngelShell   Email AngelShell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AngelShell

I was re-reading some of the things you guys said and I suddenly realized that there are all these totally different worlds out there concerning relationships and it all comes down to ONE THING...age.

I mean, (and I am in NO WAY calling ANY of you old...) but what generation am I talking to here?
I fall into the 13 - 18 category and I understand what a lot of you are saying...that you have to have a friendship going first...but these days, with the younger generation, that's not what really happens.  And that stems from the fear of being alone.  I know people who would rather go out with some one they didn't like as opposed to being alone.  It's a sad thought that someone would be willing to sacrafice something so special (themselves) and go out with someone they didn't like.
And even though I would like a friendship DURING the relationship, I don't believe it is necessary to have a friendship before a relationship.  In fact, many friendships have been torn because the relationship didn't work out...I mean, at least if you got to know a person by dating them...when things were over, at least you wouldn't be thinking "I wish we'd never started going out, at least then we'd still be friends".
But, I think I have strayed a little from the point *little voice pops up "she does that often"*
Hmmm, yes, well.............
Erin
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since 06-15-2000
Posts 2681
~Chicago~


35 posted 09-29-2000 01:52 AM       View Profile for Erin   Email Erin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Erin

When it comes to sharing my feelings I bottle up so I wouldnt do it. For some reason I get all embarassed with showing my feelings if I like someone.
Local Rebel
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since 12-21-1999
Posts 5742
Southern Abstentia


36 posted 09-29-2000 10:25 AM       View Profile for Local Rebel   Email Local Rebel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Local Rebel

Well AngelShell....

We're all -- to you -- OLD!  lol  and none of us were ever teenagers  

there's nothing wrong with dating someone to get acquainted -- that's why you date them -- to become friends -- find out if there's anything to build on -- I'd reccomend it without the alcohol though -- especially at your age --

and nobody WANTS to be alone -- but everyone really has to learn how to be alone -- and be a completely self contained person -- before they are going to be able to engage in a serious relationship

but -- again -- at your age -- serious relationships are not really what the goal should be -- time to be young and have fun -- stick your nose in the flowers -- and prepare to be stung if there's a bee... yanno..

you'll make it fine...  
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


37 posted 09-29-2000 11:05 AM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Oh Gawd I've been labeled old! LOL

LOL @you LR!  Angel I agree with him!
Right now to date is fine, and we tend to 'like' someone because we think they're cute!     But this is infactuation.

Drinking can make you do things you wouldn't normally do, and I really agree with LR there. I've been through that cycle and it don't go anywhere good.

As you get older your thinking will change in what you see and want from a relationship.
To stick with someone because you don't want to be alone is not a good idea. That might be the idea now, but if they don't treat you right, and you don't like them, what good are you really getting from it?

I also agree with LR on the point that we need to be self confident, self supporting, and when we are ok with ourselves, we'll be more confident in who we choose, and the reasons we choose those people.

In all reality to be sure of what you want, when that don't fit in with the crowd, can get you shunned, but it will also earn respect for the person you are.  

You did have enough courage, though maybe it was the alcohol, to say you liked this person. That's great! If they didn't accept you, I know that hurts, but wouldn't you rather have known now than later? You will find someone who is right for you!!  

melroseg
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since 09-29-2000
Posts 16


38 posted 09-29-2000 03:55 PM       View Profile for melroseg   Email melroseg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for melroseg

Definately tell the person.  The worst thing that could happen is a little rejection.  the best thing is you may have found your soul mate, or a great friend.  Later on you may find out that the person felt the same towards you.  Regret is for a lifetime, embarassment is only until your face turns back to its normal color.  
                
                 Melissa
Ron
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39 posted 09-29-2000 04:42 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

AngelShell, I'm not sure age has a great deal to do with it. I know a LOT of very old people who would rather be miserable with the wrong person than be alone. In my more cynical moments, I sometimes think they comprise the majority of this world. Conversely, I know a few younger people, in your age group or only slightly older, who recognize they deserve the best life has to offer and refuse to settle for less. Age, I think, is less important than a strong sense of self-worth. If you like yourself, being alone isn't such a terrible burden. And it's far better than being with someone you don't like.

As for "dating" friends, which you touched upon and WhtDove mentioned earlier, I think it largely depends on your definition of friend. If you really mean acquaintance, someone you simply know and perhaps hang with, then yea, a romantic path can destroy what previously existed. But that's because you didn't really know them very well before you started dating. As you came to know them better, you discovered you didn't really like them. The same exact thing would have happened had your friendship developed more deeply, even without the romance.

I will concede that not all good friends - and I mean people you know well and love in spite of their faults - will ultimately be romantically compatible. But I think those kind of people usually know that, because they already know each other so well. I suspect that's the situation WhtDove alluded to when she suggested one could become too close to a friend for it to become more; it wasn't so much knowing the person too well as it was knowing them well enough to recognize the incompatibilities. And even when they make a mistake and cross the friendship line into more dangerous territory, their common respect and deep understanding will allow them to save the friendship.

Here's the real question that I think is the crux of the matter.

Other than the obvious physical relationship, is there anything you require from a good romantic partner that isn't just as important in a close friendship? Or to phrase it slightly different, and setting aside the physical aspects, what is the difference to YOU between a partner and a friend?
Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 12-26-1999
Posts 5512
Ontario, CANADA


40 posted 09-29-2000 06:48 PM       View Profile for Honeybee   Email Honeybee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Honeybee


This has turned out to be a great discussion, I will visit to read more replies

Rebecca, if you asked this question a few years ago, maybe even a 1 year ago, my answer would have been a firm no - I would not say anything to the object of my affection out of fear of rejection, and I am very shy.  I am also very old-fashioned and was raised to believe that the man must ask.  However, because I held back my feelings I lost someone who I truly cared for and I live with regret everyday for not speaking up, and I know for a fact now that he would have been with me because his feelings were the same, as a result of this life experience, my answer is now yes, I am blunt and assertive now yet still respectful in doing so.  I am a changed person forever now because of losing him.

My solemn advice to anyone, please don't allow shyness or fear of rejection stop you from following your heart and losing that "perfect" lover or friend.  Take a chance, life is way too short.  Follow your gut instinct - God put it there for a reason, there have been many studies that conclude that women do this best and usually what your gut instinct tells you is true.  Never doubt yourself even if the end result is bad, at least you can stand tall and never wonder about the if onlys and could have beens

Take care,
Melissa Honeybee



The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams






[This message has been edited by Melissa Honeybee (edited 09-29-2000).]
WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


41 posted 09-30-2000 09:00 AM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Ron you're right! Age really doesn't have much to do with it. There are young people who realize this earlier than older people.

And some have to be older, and have that experience before they also realize!

AngelShell, self worth is really VERY important! You have to be ok with yourself first. If you are, it shall help steer you away from a lot of mistakes later!

Melissa I appreciate you sharing that! It is hard to live with regret. I also am shy. (couldn't tell could ya) LOL  
Over the years have become more assertive, but certain things I don't say. I still find it hard to tell someone when I'm upset with them. Or why they made me mad, unless it's my husband of course. (poor guy)

I was raised in that era too that it's not appropriate for a women to ask a man out, or to make the first move. That's a hard thing to change.  

But all in all I agree with you, I think it should be said no matter what the outcome, for it's better to be hurt and get over it, then to live with regret the rest of your life.  
 
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