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Passions in Poetry

Love on the Net

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AngelShell
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since 03-01-2000
Posts 526
not heaven nor hell so...


0 posted 09-30-2000 05:20 AM       View Profile for AngelShell   Email AngelShell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AngelShell

Hmmm, I was just thinking about that "would you? or not..." topic on here, and that got me thinking about "Love on the Net" (hence the subject title) and I was wondering what the wonderful people at The Alley thought about it and I thought "well, why not ask them" so here I am...asking...what do you wonderful people at The Alley think?
WhtDove
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since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


1 posted 09-30-2000 09:06 AM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

As for me I don't think so. I've seen many 'loves on the net' here go bad. Besides the point that you only learn what someone wants to tell you. You don't always know that-that something is the truth either.

It's much easier when you talk to a screen to say things, than when your face to face.
But this is a good question!!

We have a few here that have worked out too!
I'm more of a safe type person, I'm not a real chance taker!
Trew
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since 06-10-2000
Posts 371
Ottawa, Canada


2 posted 09-30-2000 09:45 AM       View Profile for Trew   Email Trew   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Trew

I suppose it is another form of introduction, albeit a very impersonal one.  If it's used as a tool by which you can get in contact with people, then I think it can be very genuine.  However, the meeting (in person!) and building of a relationship from that point forward is not really an on-line romance.  I don't think that there is any real love on the net.  People may love ideas, thoughts, articulations formed by another, but to love another is to really know them.  I'm not convinced that you can do that by typing!  Not all of the person, anyway.
I guess, like anything, it is not impossible, just improbable.
Case in point, look at the troubles that were caused by ambiguities in replies to poetry.  People were offended by others' comments.  Why?  Predominantly because of lack of nuance.  The look in someones eyes, the little sarcastic smile, knowing the true person behind the keyboard, these are the things that make communication real.
Meet me on the PC?  Sure.
Fall in love with me on the PC?
No thank you.

Trev.
doreen peri
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since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


3 posted 09-30-2000 11:09 AM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

there's love on the net?????  
you're kidding!
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


4 posted 09-30-2000 11:22 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I'm still a babe in the woods about that stuff---but I am a natural flirt so I've a tendency to get myself in trouble anyway.  I just try to be honest with everyone as I meet them, and I keep in mind that not everyone else will be.  I do think it's easier here, though, than elsewhere.  Poets are a different bunch, than say, uncensored chat rooms...
Christopher
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5 posted 09-30-2000 06:00 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

But... but Doreen! You told me you loved me!!!

Actually, I think there are some good points here. Since our local "Love on the Internet Poster Child" isn't available to speak right now (he's with some girl he met on the 'Net...) maybe I can second for him. I might know a bit more about this than some.  

quote:
...I've seen many 'loves on the net' here go bad.


Absolutely. But I think the thing that you might want to keep in mind, is that just as with "real-life" relationships are a precarious adventure in the first place. It often takes a considerable amount of time, patience and effort to realize a continuing relationship, be it romantic or otherwise. Just because something doesn't work out that was developed on the Internet, doesn't make it intrinsicaly unworkable. Like Rebecca also said, there have been many that have "worked." (One of Sharon's daughters married a man she met online, the poster child I was speaking of earlier is currently involved in a growing relationship with a woman he met on the Net, and there are many more. I room with a married couple who met through the Internet.

So look at it this way: What's the difference? Will you have a better chance of meeting your "soulmate" if you go to a bar and randomly pick a person, or if you go to an event that relates to something you enjoy, where you can find others who share your interest? I'm assuming you'll suggest the event (unless you really enjoy going to bars, LOL). Meeting on the Internet is much like going to an event where you're doing something that interests you. You're visiting places (ie: Passions) and meeting people who share interests in those places. In my op, that's a much better start than the random draw of a  bar, or meeting someone on the street.

And there are potential advantages of meeting someone on the 'Net as opposed to a face-to-face meeting. If something that is important to you (and I assume it is, because that's why many of us are here after all) is someone's personality, intelligence, humor, etv., then you have the oppurtunity to witness and experience that without the potential complications of physical inhibitions. Many people who might normally be shy when first meeting someone, might be more comfortable doing so when they can be behind a computer screen. This allows them to bypass the uncomfortable feeling of having to "meet" someone. Relationships - at least in my opinion - are based much more on what's inside someone's head and heart than what they look like. "Meeting" on the 'Net is a good way to see that and not be concerned with appearance or physical attraction. As Severn said in a recent poem she wrote - Internet years are longer than dog years. I wholeheartedly have to agree. Bypassing the rest, you have to rely on the meat of a person, their thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams. Many of the things that you grow to love about anyone you meet. And in doing so, I think bonds form much quicker and sometimes stronger than when you meet someone face-to-face.

Of course there is a flip side. Trew made a good point in that there are things you can't get in an online relationship. You can't see the other parts that bring you to love a person (speaking mostly from a romantic view here - I think that when speaking of a friendship level [which should e the base of any romantic relationship as well] you can love a person simply for who they are). Appearance, mannerisims, and more, all things you don't know about until you actually meet. If there's to be a completion to a romantic relationship, I feel that meeting is obviously inevitable. But that doesn't mean it will work. Chemistry plays a part, as I said, appearance plays a part. (I don't care how many puctures you see, that is still NOT the person. It's a two dimensional still shot, capturing a moment in time. It cannot capture many of the things we consciously or unconsciously love about a romantic partner.) There is much to consider!

I think though, that meeting and starting a relationship are wonderful things. Friendship (in my belief) is the basis for any lasting romantic relationship. And if the friendship you develop on-line is strong enough, and you do decide to meet in person, you'll be better for it. If things "work," then you have a firm base to go from for furthering your romantic relationship. If things don't "work," then you've lost nothing, and gained a friend. No losers there in my opinion. Just remember that people are still people: Relationships don't always work in "real-life," they don't always work online. People don't always tell the truth online, but neither do they do so in "real-life."

As with all things, only time will tell.  

Peace

C
doreen peri
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since 05-25-99
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Virginia


6 posted 09-30-2000 06:35 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

i DO love you, Chris... *smooch* over the net.. hehe *wink*

aha!!! so THIS is what you guys are talking about??? well, damn!!! what fun! *G
Poet deVine
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7 posted 09-30-2000 06:44 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

A small clarification. My son met his wife in a chat room. They talked for 4 months before they met. If they had not had a lot in common and found each other attractive, I have a feeling it would not have gone further. So I do believe it can happen, but you have to be careful and MEET as soon as possible!!!
Moon Dust
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since 06-11-99
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Skelmersdale, UK


8 posted 09-30-2000 06:51 PM       View Profile for Moon Dust   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Moon Dust

Ah been there done that, and its true there is love on the net. But like in real life ( if you want to call it that, personlly i see no difference )  the probabillity of relationships working out is about the same. And in effect its just another way of meeting people. Of course there are people who pretend to be someting their not, but even face to face people can decive you.

There are enough colours in the world,
To paint your own dreams,
You won't get them,
Till you try.

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


9 posted 09-30-2000 09:19 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Chris breath now! LOL

You made a lot of good points there Chris! I'm proud of ya buddy! This one in particular!

You're visiting places (ie: Passions) and meeting people who share interests in those places.

That's very true, and I never thought of that before  
AngelShell
Senior Member
since 03-01-2000
Posts 526
not heaven nor hell so...


10 posted 09-30-2000 10:25 PM       View Profile for AngelShell   Email AngelShell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AngelShell

hmmm, whoever said you people can't have a serious discusion were wrong weren't they...

There is a view here that I find...interesting...it is both a bad thing and a good thing...one of the replies mentioned being able to tell someone on line things that they wouldn't 'normally' be able to tell people.  Isn't this a good thing?  I mean, talking to some one on line is a purely intellectual experience.  You get to know a person through their intellegence as opposed to their physical appearance.  And in 'the reall world' a relationship formed because of your strong intellectual bond with a person should in theory be more benefical than a relationship formed because you're attracted to a person.
If you met some one on line and you talked for a while and finally decided to meet, surely, if you felt so close to them intellectually, their appearance wouldn't play a great part in it at all...you may even find yourself attracted to them purely because of the person they are on the inside.  Some one you wouldn't normally look twice at on the street suddenly becomes the most attractive person in the entire world...just being close to them gives you goosebumps all over and when their hand accidentally brushes yours your entire body is engulfed in a wave of dizziness that was brought on merely because of the electrical charge you feel towards this person...

However, I know that personally I have not exerienced the feeling of love...I have thought I've loved people who turned out merely to be an idea more than a real thing.  I'm in love with the idea of being in love, not the actual feeling.
And because of this I think that it is very hard to put a definition on the word love.

I started this off because I wanted to see everyone's oppinions.  I have come across many people that think love on the net is absolutely impossible.  Yet I have come across people who have been in love over the net...so it is hard to break it down and come up with one answer.

In the end, I guess Chris was right when he said..."Only time will tell"

Shell.
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


11 posted 10-01-2000 02:07 AM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

Meeting someone on the internet and then falling in love with them?

Who ever HEARD of such a thing?!?!

Don't you know that all these internet people are FREAKS??  Sheesh!  ESPECIALLY the ones from California (maniacal laughter).  

Ahem.  Where was I?

Look, people are people -- just like there are ALL kinds of people in the world, there are also all kinds on the net -- maybe even one that's right for you.  Best part is, you can spend hours talking to them in the privacy of your own home before ever having to deal with them on a face-to-face basis.  Sure, there are going to be those who build an "illusion" on the web, and play it out to fool you -- but if you've got half a pint of sense and ask the right questions, you'll sniff those out in a heartbeat.

As for the rest -- should you decide to actually meet someone in person, the rest will progress just as it would had you met any other way -- but you'll probably have more to talk about.

Well, that's my four cents (inflation, you know).  I gotta get back to my poster boy ... (wink)

--Kess



YOUR LIFE IS A TEST

It is only a test ...

If this were your Actual Life, you would have been given better instructions!

White Wolf
Member
since 09-18-99
Posts 384
Somewhere in the vast wastelan


12 posted 10-01-2000 02:39 AM       View Profile for White Wolf   Email White Wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for White Wolf

What does it matter if we meet online or in person, so far I have been unlucky in both.  What is my problem.

The White Wolf


Would the bunny like this nice carrot? I don't bite. Much. :)
If you think I am pleasant to your eye, then look into my eyes and you will see the f
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


13 posted 10-01-2000 04:26 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

It is interesting the amount of attention a topic such as this one gets...I suppose that arises from a number of factors:

It's a relatively new concept...the net relationship; it's stigmatised - possibly because it is new and not 'conventional'.

That's the essence to me - it is wholly unconventional. There is an attitude that for two people to 'truly' love they have to meet...otherwise it's all pretense! All of it!!

Of course there are a couple of probs with this:

A
To me, it is like all things - unless you have experienced it yourself any judgement made is going to come from conclusions drawn from the narratives of other's experiences. And that doesn't necessarily translate to any universal truth for the truth is subjective...

However. The stigmatising of Internet love is a sad thing that has permeated people's opinions like mist...because some of these relationships haven't worked out.

And to reiterate many of the above:

Just like in so-called real life...

It seems quite unrealistic to me to expect that all of them would work out - there's PEOPLE involved in them...the greatest race at screwing things up..hehe.

That said, onto

B

What is love? (And what's 'truly'?)

A question we ALL ask at some point I'm sure.
Can it be confined into little pockets? Eg...love for friends, love for nature, romantic love...I don't think so. I think it takes many forms within even these rather simplistic brackets...

Online love is JUST as valid to the people involved as a relationship 'in the flesh'. Why? How?

Again - most people have said it already...meeting of minds etc. You get to know the person inside.

You really do.

Then there is the meeting. This is the test I believe. Does the quality of the love change? Or is it built upon? Does it fade away?

For that is when the new dimension is added. As Chris said:

  
quote:
Appearance, mannerisims, and more, all things you don't know about until you actually meet. If there's to be a completion to a romantic relationship, I feel that meeting is obviously inevitable. But that doesn't mean it will work. Chemistry plays a part, as I said, appearance plays a part.


But, when examining online love for its own sake...it is fulfilling in its own validity...never complete until the other dimension is added, I don't feel, but 'truly' just as valid within its own context.

It isn't right to demean that.


   K



"He looked across the
silky surface of the Severn...
it was a famously difficult
river with fierce tides..."


From Jack Maggs





[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 10-01-2000).]
Christopher
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since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


14 posted 10-01-2000 06:22 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

White Wolf - I've often wondered the same thing about myself. I just learned not to ask, because there are far too many people willing to tell me. And to be honest... I don't have that much time!!!  
White Wolf
Member
since 09-18-99
Posts 384
Somewhere in the vast wastelan


15 posted 10-01-2000 09:50 PM       View Profile for White Wolf   Email White Wolf   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for White Wolf

Christopher- Maybe you need to ask why.  Maybe there is something wrong.  Who knows?  Lord knows there is something wrong with me.  But who knows maybe it is just you!!


The White Wolf
Skyfyre
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since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


16 posted 10-01-2000 09:54 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

Chris!  It's your lucky day -- for I have the answer to your question ...

You're an insufferable Brat, that's why!

hehehe

--Me


YOUR LIFE IS A TEST

It is only a test ...

If this were your Actual Life, you would have been given better instructions!

Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


17 posted 10-01-2000 10:12 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Ah..I get back to this thread and find out we are whining about not having a 'net romance'!!!

I won't bore you with details of MY love life, but suffice it to say that I cannot see anyone in my future - I'm too much of a hermit. So here I sit, living vicariously through all of you..so get on with it!!! Let's see some romance out there!  
Christopher
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Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


18 posted 10-02-2000 12:38 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

Thanks a lot Kess - I was perfectly happy living a sheltered life beneath my umbrella of delusion! *hmmph*
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