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Am I asking for too much?
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Am I asking for too much? |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State 
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I don't know what I want to do. Scream, yell, hit, cry or just flat out give up. Perhaps all of the above? All I ask is that I'm treated with a little respect and most of all I just want someone to be nice to me. My husband can't find it in himself to do that. Doesn't matter what I do, it is never good enough. I've told him until I'm blue in the face that the way he treats me hurts. We've been down every road as far as professional help. Nothing seems to work. Well, sure, it does for a few days but then it's all back to the same ol' stuff. I'm tired of being treated like a child, like I'm below him. I'm sick of him being down right mean at times. Why can't he be nice to me? Am I asking too much? What would you do? ~Sheri "The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first" |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Just what I AM doing...read/write poetry or literature...smiles and hugs, as I know well your frustration...but if ya want someone to tell you what to do, it wouldn't matter anyway...I cannot say when enough is enough until that day comes. Sorry if I'm not much help, luvie...just popped in to commiserate, I suppose...but take my Hugs and well wishes with you, for sure. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
You are NOT asking too much.. You deserve to have the respect of your spouse. My experience is that people (not just men) who demean those who are close to them tend to have their own self-esteem issues. Perhaps this is the case here. Some can rise above it and some just never do. The most important thing is that you realize that the shortcomings are not yours. Don't allow yourself to believe it; Stand tall and be proud of the person you are. Hopefully, he'll learn before it's too late... |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Nope you certainly aren't asking too much! I've been down that road too. I'm sorry all those things haven't worked, but you really deserve to be treated better! All this works down your self-esteem as well. Don't let it get to that point, cause it's do darn hard to rebuild it. I have a suggestion, but then I don't fully know the situation. Sometimes they just don't know what they have til it's gone. Some will change, some won't like Nan said. But how long are you willing to wait and work for that change? Actually it needs to be him who wants the change, because if he doesn't, it's just not gonna happen. I hope things will work out, I really do! |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Absolutely! Get back in the kitchen woman!!!  |
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Cerenity Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637Escondido-California |
Hi Irie, I can not even begin to tell you how bad I feel for you, I am in this same place right know. He can stab like a knife with his words spit out of his mouth so blaitently ugly and walk away as if nothing had happened. I write a lot of poetry about it and cry a lot, spend much time in total shock that any human can say the things he does, all of the wonderful souls below are in the right because we all choose when we have had enough and when its time to leave, I wish I could say I know when enough is enough but I will and I know in my mind I will never let this happen again. I stand as tall and strong as I can and yes he hits me down but I get right back up and hold my ground a little while longer the next time and some day he is the one that will be on his knees, you can e-mail me if you wish I will be a listner only if you need it to be that way but most of all you are not in the wrong fight for your rights and don't give up even when its time to walk away make that last look from you mean how you feal and then some. You must have some strength to be able to sumit this post go from there and I will be thinking of you. Love, Cerenity "God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist. We have to be reminded that He exist!" (Writer Unknown) |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
quote: I couldn't agree more. . . it's hard to know what to do. . . you have to ask the hard questions. . . and hear the answers. . . and then, you have to have the strength to do what you have to do. . . Strength to you my friend. . . -------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
Serenity, I understand about knowing when enough is enough. Just when I think it might get better, it gets worse. Thank you for the hugs and the well wishes, I can sure use them right now. Nan, You may be right. He might have this high horse problem because he feels insecure. I do also know that he was raised with no father figure and didn't have anyone to set him straight. Thank you for listening. WhiteDove, I've left a handful of times and it works for a while then back to the norm. Maybe if I make it legal he might realize I'm serious! Things will work out they way they are supposed to, just not sure when or what that is yet. many thanks to you. Cerneity....SIGH I'll be in touch with you I'm sure! I'm sorry you seem to be in the same boat as I am. It really sucks doesn't it? Thank you so much Sven, I do stand tall and I don't let him beat me down, not usually anyway. I just need to stand a bit taller and lay it on the line! I'm tough you know, I wear an iron skin....and I've exposed my self to all of you!  Shhhh...don't tell anyone! heheI'm just so damned frustrated! GRRRRRRRRR!!!! Thanks for your words sir! I know I'm running in circles now! OK Chris, I've saved you for last! The only thing I'm going into the kitchen for is a spatula to SPANK YOUR BUTT! If you really want me to come down there and teach you a lesson, just keep it up mister! Turd Thank you all for taking the time to listen and reply, the hugs and warm wishes. It really helps a lot!  < !signature-->~Sheri "The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first" [This message has been edited by Irie (edited 10-06-2000).] |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
One of the most universally astounding aspects of relationships such as this is that the "critical one" is nearly always totally shocked when their spouse finally decides to leave... They invariably BEG to make amends and try again - but they ultimately return to their original ways... Be strong, and be equally as cautious.. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
almost forgot (poke him in the eye!) |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Cerenity, if I'm gathering what you've stated here correctly, and your in an abusive relationship, Hon you need to get out of it! Or anyone that's in it. I was in that situation for too many years! They don't quit doing it, it just gets worse each time it happens. And if alcohol is being used, that only adds to it. I'm so serious when I say, as long as you keep yourself in that situation, and you put up with it, it WON'T stop! If they can control you and you stay, why should they stop?? It's hard to walk out that door, but once you stand up for yourself, and realize you deserve better than that, you'll never let it happen again. So please, know that you're worth more than that. God didn't put anyone here to live in abuse!!! Your life is precious, and you deserve to live it happy. |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
Nan...I have to agree with you there too. They always seem so shocked and act like they knew nothing. Serenity...He has been poked in the eye...MANY times! LOL You're funny  White Dove...Agreeing with you too. If I don't try something else it will never stop. And just to add to my fire....he decided not to come home until 2:30 AM. No phone call, nothing. Just showed up and then wondered why I was upset. Now if I had done this, I would have been the rudest, most uncaring person he knows. GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Again, many thanks to you all for your support and comments. I appreciate all of you! ~Sheri "The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first" |
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Horizon Member
since 2000-10-04
Posts 51 |
You are not asking to much at all. I have some of the same problems with My husband, but he tends to just ignore me. Begging , pleading to find out what is wrong.sigh. If talking with your husband does not work, then finding what will make you happy will work. I came to the conclusion myself If he can't be a partner in this relationship and does not want to work on it at all, then I will have to find what makes me happy. be it with him or without him. This is a hard road I wish you the best of luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
And you think I consider that a threat Sheri?!! |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
Horizon, I'm sorry that you're right along side of me.... It's certainly no fun. But you made a good point. With or with out him I'll have to do what makes ME happy! Then again, there is my son too. He needs to be happy, and he's not.  Chris...Obviously I spoke before I thought!  ~Sheri "The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first" |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Exactly Sheri. . . you have to be happy. . .that's the thing. . . but what makes you happy? That's just another one of those hard questions. . . I have a feeling though, that you already know the answer. . . Strength to you my friend. . . And Christopher, I've seen Sheri when she's mad. . . if I were you, I'd back down right now. . . or else. . . well. . .  *gets on the old flak jacket. . . because it won't be pretty. . .* Sheri, just don't do to him what you did to the last guy. . . it cost me a lot of money to have that judge turn the other way! ------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Horizon Member
since 2000-10-04
Posts 51 |
Irie, You are very right Having a child involved is more difficult because you have to be watching out for their feelings as well. You have to not only try to find what makes You happy but what will make your son happy. However, being in a situation where you are not happy will start to show on the outside to others and maybe your son. I wish I could be of more help, its a hard position you are in and a long road. I hope you find what will make you happy and your son happy to. [This message has been edited by Horizon (edited 10-08-2000).] |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
As always I'm late again..*g* I guess I must have a slightly warped view of things because it seems to me they start being nice when *you* no longer care and whichever way I look at that, that's way too late because it doesn't matter then and the strange thing is, they really don't understand at all...Retrospectively, I think the time to pull the plug is before you care too much because from then on it all goes downhill....only kidding...I'm seriously beginning to think both sexes are on different planets, we're on Venus and they're on Mars....so we all need to travel faster then we may think on the same wavelength, only trouble is, we'd then all get lost cause they're all hopeless with giving directions..LOL...in the meantime, use the spatula on Chris to give you some practice...*g* Seriously, men respond to having their ego's bumped up and it's hard to do that when they can't even be civil...so: Give him catfood in a pie for his dinner Sew his shirt cuffs together Depending on the kind of pants he wears, sew the opening up...ROFL Wake him up by tipping some cold water over him.. Lastly, you could always send him some dead flowers, I hear that site is booming just now...sadly! If none of the above works, tell him straight.... HUGS...hope it goes well for you though.. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Rainbow girl reminded me of something I did once...I dulled his razor by "shaving" the broom handle, figuring he'd never know...but he actually got a splinter...(ooops!) But it was worth it to see him with all those bits of TP stuck to his face! And then I took a "ripper" to the armpits of every one of his t-shirts, pulling just enough threads for them to unravel slowly...hee hee...If you need any more ideas, I've got bunches! (Have had plenty of time to think about them!) Trust me. He DESERVED IT. |
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