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Snarky/sarcastic response from Main Site

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Kit McCallum
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since 04-30-2000
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Ontario, Canada


0 posted 11-20-2000 07:22 AM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

I continue to receive wonderful responses several times a week from poetry I have posted on the main site, and yesterday, I received what I perceive to be my very first snarky/sarcastic response.  It was in response to the following poem, about the loss of my dog ...
http://netpoets.com/poems/death/0406016a.htm

It simply read:

> I'm sorry but you act like you lost year sister or something its about I wish
> just my pet died
>  I mean I don't know but for real thats not that bad

OK, so other than OUCH ... am I interpreting this bad, disjointed English correctly?  In a case like this, if they didn't get it, or didn't care for it, don't you think that "saying nothing" is better than saying "something". I wrote back saying:

Hmmmm, I suppose that for those who don't hold a special connection with pets, it may seem the feelings are too strong for them, but for those of us who have been in this situation and regard them as closely as we do all family, the feelings are valid and the loss ... very real.

I do appreciate your comment and wish you a wonderful day.

Best wishes,
/Kit

You know, I do consider myself to be pretty well adjusted "now", but was pretty upset the day I wrote that poem.  I've received some incredibly beautiful responses on this one from other pet-lovers that by far make up for this one sarcastic response.

I wonder if there is enough "Pet specific poetry" on the main site to warrant a separate section? This poem sits under the category "Sad Poems", and perhaps doesn't fit there amongst what this reader considers "valid" loss ...

Regardless ... call me sensitive, but this response bugged me. I hate that "they're just a dog" type of response. Am I being overly-sensitive on this one?



[This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 11-20-2000).]
Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley


1 posted 11-20-2000 08:08 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Overly sensitive? Not at all!!! I admire you for replying to this 'person'! I would have deleted the email and let it go. Pets are a part of our lives, they are the most loyal friends we can have. This person either has never had a loving pet or is a heartless Snarky Email Sender!!!
Sunshine
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since 06-25-99
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Listening to every heart


2 posted 11-20-2000 09:06 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Kit, first, I think the word "Snarky" fits this person[?].  Second, ALL of my pets have forever been family to me...because their love is always unconditional and they take me as I am, no value judgments, no bad hair days...total love!  

I am sorry that this person trashed you, but now that you have handled it, and admirably, now is the time to go hug the remaining animals in your life, and feel sorry for this poor bugger who cannot do the same.

Hugs to you,


Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ



Romy
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since 05-28-2000
Posts 1226
Plantation, Florida


3 posted 11-20-2000 10:05 AM       View Profile for Romy   Email Romy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Romy

I don't understand the mentality of people who cannot see pets as living creations with emotions, just like humans!
My dogs are members of our family and we know when they are happy, scared, bored or even embarrassed!
They have totally different personalities and give us so much joy!
I will feel a trememdous loss when they are gone.
They are a part of me!
Christopher
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Purgatorial Incarceration


4 posted 11-20-2000 10:12 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

Let me interject another possibility here... what I sensed upon first reading their words, was that they'd (probably recently) lost someone they cared for. I think a possibility isn't so much that they're attacking you/your poetry Kit, as perhaps they're striking out in anger and pain over their own loss with yours just acting as a catalyst. With that depth of pain, it's easy to believe that no one else can understand, and that anything other than your own pain is invalid. While this certainly isn't a glowing reply (and I think you replied well in return), I also don't think it's something that you should take to heart.  
WhtDove
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since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


5 posted 11-20-2000 10:51 AM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Sorry Kit I have to laugh at you and your wording....'Snarky' and bad, disjointed English.  LOL

Well my dear, the bad comes with the good, but I agree with you. They could have just kept quiet, but like Chris said, maybe something else was bothering this person, and your poem just happened to bring that out.

Pets are part of the family. I've lost some and it's pretty devastating.  My dog that I have now, has been hit by a car twice already, and one of those times, I didn't think she was going to make it.  And that really hurt!!  

No, you're not overly sensitive, I think they had something else on their mind, or they just can't relate to having a pet.

Balladeer
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6 posted 11-20-2000 12:08 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I cannot believe I'm doing this again but...I'm with Christopher. (it never gets easier to say that!)

I have a real reputation as being one of the biggest dog lovers alive. I love dogs more than most humans I know. When my dog of 15 years died last year, I wa devastated and still have not gotten over it...and I can certainly understand the pain one goes through at the loss of a pet.

Sometimes, however, we cannot know the circumstances of another person or what prompts their comments or actions. Suppose, as Christopher alluded to, that this person did indeed recently lose someone, perhaps a family member or parent. Is it not easy to imagine that reading a poem about someone lamenting the loss of a pet might strike him as being petty or inconsequential in comparison? Of course the proper thing would have been for them not to respond at all but maybe it gave then a little out, a small way to scream out their frustration at their own loss. It is so easy to judge....harder to give someone the benefit of the doubt that they have their own reasons.
   Don't worry, Kit. If it is just a wise remark, the person is not worthy of your sadness or anger and if it's not, then you helped someone get feelings out that they may have needed to do. Nothing takes away from your own feelings of your loss or the quality of the poem....
Irie
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since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


7 posted 11-20-2000 12:11 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

it, I'm so sorry. I too have recently lost my dog, by choice.
I had to have him put down and it was a very tough thing to do.
I know just how you feel. Losing a pet that is part of one's family, is losing a family member.

I think the comment made by this individual was highly insensitive and rude.
You are NOT being sensitive ( well, you are) but not like that! (i hope that made sense)  
Anyone with a heart would hurt from a comment like that! Anyone with a heart wouldn't have said such a thing either.

Chris does have a point, However, I feel that if that is what they meant they should have followed or preceded that comment with "I too just lost a pet and it's like......."
On the other hand....after reading that comment again, I don't feel that's what this person meant at all....
They started with ....  "I'm sorry but....then followed by you.

I'm sorry that your feelings have been abused Kit, and I'm sorry for your loss.
I hope that people take this as a lesson to be very careful what to say when they reply. As I've said a million times over. What might not hurt one person, may hurt another.
On that note, I'm late for work.
Hope it all works out for you.


~Sheri

"The things that come to those that wait may be the things
left by those who got there first"


Marina
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since 02-10-2000
Posts 2267
Pickering, Ontario


8 posted 11-20-2000 12:22 PM       View Profile for Marina   Email Marina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marina

I don't think you are being over sensitive at all!!!!!

I have 2 dogs and a cat.  Should anything happen to any of them I would be absolutely devastated!!  This person was inexcusably rude and I think you did the right thing in emailing them back.  If that was me I would have hit the roof and  really given that person a piece of my mind and then handed them back over what would have been left of theirs!!

Marina
Kit McCallum
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9 posted 11-20-2000 01:48 PM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

Know what??? I love you guys, each and everyone one of you!  

~Sharon: Thank you so much for responding so quickly this morning. I got a chance to read your note before I went to work, and I felt heaps better as soon as I read it ... I could just picture you standing there, hands on hips, saying exactly what you wrote, thank you!  

~Karilea:  Smiling here ... thank you Karilea!  Poor bugger is right, what a sad perception. It took me a year before I could bring another dog into the house after losing Misty. We adopted a 6 year old Australian Shepherd named Lacey, and she's just a sweetheart. She was a kennel dog, ready to be put out to pasture, but now she's living a spoiled rotten, wonderful life full of many, many hugs (extra ones after that guy). Thanks Karilea!  

~Debbie:  I've seen that "embarassed look" too ... ya just gotta love em' ... how can you not???)  I have a partner in my business, and her attitude is very similar to this guy's, which is why this hit such a chord with me I think. I saw the rolling eyes and heard "its just a dog" waaaayyy too many times. It made it "harder" to get over if anything.  Thanks so much Debbie!  

~Chris:  Thanks for the additional perspective Chris ... you're good at that  .  It could very well be someone coming at it from that angle (makes me feel better to think so anyway). I guess I responded politely because I figured if somebody else was having a bad enough day to send me that message, then the least I could do is not let it perpetuate (though if I had my druthers ... ummmm ... I could have been snarky right back - I really "can" get mad too ya know, lol). Thank you Chris, I really appreciate it.  

~Rebecca:  LOL ... I don't mind laughter at this point, no problem (and it "was" disjointed, lol).  You know ... I've lost both human loved ones, and I've lost pets, and I find you have to go through the same grieving process with the same amount of depth regardless of 2 or 4 legs, fur or no fur. I'm sorry to hear about your little one too, I hope they're doing OK now? Thanks Rebecca.  

~Michael:  LOL @ agreeing with Chris (ya know ... that's not really a bad thing    ) And I'm glad you both agree on that, it makes me feel that maybe that might be the case. That's partly why I wondered if I shouldn't have this one posted amongst the other "sad" poems. Maybe it just doesn't belong there. I do understand what you're saying, and I suppose if I think they're having a bad day, and this was their "out" then perhaps it was a OK thing afterall (after almost 40 years, these shoulders are pretty broad, they just get a little sore once in a while from all the weight). I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your dog Michael, 15 years is a very long-time companion, many hugs to you, my friend. Thank you...  

~Irie:  Thanks for being so understanding Irie. You guys are just making me feel warm and fuzzy all over.    I had a hysterectomy in my 20's, and I know I never really dealt with some of the bigger issues surrounding that, and it all really hit home when I lost my Shepherd ... she was admittedly, my substitute, and here I was 15 years later, dealing with issues I thought I was fine with. Thanks for being so sweet Irie, much appreciated!  

~Marina:  Glad you're in "my" corner Marina, LOL! I've got to admit, it stung, which is why I posted this I guess, but I'm not much of a fighter and keep things bottled up pretty tight ... guess I just wanted to show them they didn't get to me (even if they did). Thanks for the smiles ... I'm calling you if it happens again, LOL!  

Thank you so much everyone. I really do appreciate this, more than you know. Just writing this was therapy in itself. I think I would have stewed about this forever, had I not posted this and got it out of my system with your help.  Michael ... where is that "on/off" switch ... did you find it yet?  

Much appreciation,
/Kit
Elizabeth
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10 posted 11-20-2000 03:42 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

Hmm, I wonder if your snarky e-mail correspondent was the same one who sent me a letter regarding my poem Littleton (posted on the main site under the name Rosebud). The sender claimed to be a freshman at Columbine High and basically told me that the Columbine shooting shouldn't be talked about because all the students there are trying to forget it. Whoever it was also didn't sign their name or anything.

Oh well.

Elizabeth
Nan
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11 posted 11-20-2000 05:42 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Kit - I remember your poem - and it was truly heartfelt... You can't let a stray visitor get to you.  You expressed yourself beautifully...

We have so many thousands of people visiting the main site daily now, it's not terribly surprising there'd be an occasional "snarky" one, I guess...  Pay them no heed... They're not worth it..
Erin
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since 06-15-2000
Posts 2681
~Chicago~


12 posted 11-21-2000 12:43 AM       View Profile for Erin   Email Erin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Erin

That makes me mad. Maybe that person did lose someone other then a pet but animals do grow in our hearts just like people do. My dog has been sick and I have a feeling shes gonna go soon. And just thinking about it makes me upset, cause she has been in our family for a very long time. And I am sorry at the loss of your dog Kit.

People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts.
serenity blaze
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13 posted 11-21-2000 01:58 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Kit...some people just don't get it.

Hugs to you...and a thank you too...see, we've recently acquired a new fish...an oscar...he's an ugly, aggressive thing, and we are in need of a new heater on the tank, so he looks pretty darned cold too.

I've decided to name him, "Snarky"--in honor of your e mail correspondant.

Grins and hugs to you, Lady.

and? Kit.  I do understand. Bubba was "my boy" and he's been gone almost two years and I still can't watch the videos...and I just burst into tears typing this. Another hug...(this one for me..sigh)
Irie
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14 posted 11-21-2000 04:10 AM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

I thought about this all day and it really angered me the more I thought about it!  
Just one more thing to add.....
Even if this person doesn't like dogs or pets, or doesn't understand the concept of them being part of one's family........
What does that have to do with you and your feelings?
Even so....they should have been more respectful.
Ok, I feel better now..I hope you do too Kit!


~Sheri

"The things that come to those that wait may be the things
left by those who got there first"


Kit McCallum
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Ontario, Canada


15 posted 11-21-2000 06:38 AM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

~Elizabeth:  You too Elizabeth? This person's e-mail ended with @gateway.com, if you wanted to compare. I certainly don't think the response you got was appropriate either ... that topic is always relevant. It's when we sweep things under the rug and forget, that we as a society fail. Keeping this in the forefront keeps people thinking ... hugs to you!  

~Nan: I guess that's how I'm feeling now too Nan ... "one bad apple" and all. There's so many visitors, and the wonderful responses by far, outweigh this single one. I received one this morning that was unbelievably sweet. Someone wrote a very long response to my poem on "Drifting" and it was so incredibly moving. Now "those" are the ones I cherish. Thanks Nan!  

~Erin:  Thanks so much for understanding, and I'm so sorry you're worried about the outcome in your situation. Just give many, many hugs every single day and treasure the time you do have Erin ... thanks for being so sweet.  

~Serenity:  Thanks for the grins! "Snarky" the fish eh? Love it!   We've had acquariums, and an Oscar before (ate a few others if I remember) ... he would suit that name, LOL. I'm sorry for your loss of Bubba. It is very difficult to watch the videos. If I start thinking too hard on that, the tears will come too, so I'll settle for a {{{hug}}} back at you instead. Thanks Serenity.  

~Irie:  Thanks for being so sweet. I am feeling better about this now. You've all got me smiling here. I'm so glad I posted this here and that everyone has been so understanding. It's meant a great deal to me, and it's been wonderful "therapy" ...  

Much appreciation to all, and now what do you each charge for counselling? I owe you a lot!  

Best wishes,
/Kit
Elizabeth
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16 posted 11-21-2000 11:32 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

Kit: I agree, we fail when we just try to forget things and pretend they never happened. What about the saying "Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it?" I read the book She Said Yes, by Misty Bernall, and she was offended to hear that other students were tired of hearing about the shooting, because she also wishes that life could be the same as before-she lost her daughter there!

The more I think about it, the more I wonder that the letter came from someone who was really a Columbine student. Like I said they didn't even sign their name, and anyway it really could have been anyone. It was an AOL address, so I guess they weren't the same correspondent as yours.

Elizabeth
PhaerieChild
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Aloha, Oregon


17 posted 11-21-2000 06:20 PM       View Profile for PhaerieChild   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PhaerieChild

I don't think you were being a bit over sensitive. Having just lost Sneakers, the wounds are still raw, no matter how many new kitties people think I need. I think this person may have a screw loose or maybe cannot understand the depth of emotional attachment that can be given to pet. I'm sorry this happened to you and you have my condolences on your loss.

How can you save me?
When the dark comes right in and takes me,
from my front walk and into bed,
where it kisses my face and eats my head. Shivaree
Dopey Dope
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18 posted 11-24-2000 02:08 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

You? Sensetive? Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

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