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Passions in Poetry

Life after Marriage?

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Ladycat
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since 07-05-99
Posts 809
At the edge and a doorway,TX


0 posted 11-25-2000 02:22 PM       View Profile for Ladycat   Email Ladycat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ladycat's Home Page   View IP for Ladycat

I have never figured it out and maybe that is why I'm back here.  I'm here to get some advice on how to move on after being married for the three years that I was.  I know that some people can just say get over it, but I made my husband the center of my universe for the longest time.  Now that I don't have that I don't know what to do. I know that I would love to have someone in my life if for nothing else, but to hold me.  The way things are going now a days; I'm not sure that guys are into the holding without getting anything.  Things are alot different after I jumped out of the dating pool and even though it hasn't been that long; I feel lost in a strange way.  I have guys flocking to me left and right and right now I feel that they are all about taking advantage of the newly single woman.  What should I do? Someone who hopefully understand this all better than me please give me some advice.

Love,
Lady


Live in my world just once and you'll find yourself enraptured.

serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
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1 posted 11-25-2000 02:28 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Well...I thought this was about something else entirely...but, for what it is worth? After a break up, I felt the same way you do...and what did I do? I pretended he was STILL THERE. That cheered me up considerable...not sure if that's much help to you...but it made me appreciate being alone.  Hugs to you, and may you find the happiness you deserve.
Rex
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since 06-29-2000
Posts 484
Houston, Texas


2 posted 11-25-2000 03:19 PM       View Profile for Rex   Email Rex   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Rex's Home Page   View IP for Rex

You do not indicate how old you are, but I will presume that you are wise to the ways of the world.  Whatever you do, do not rush yourself!  After losing a relationship it is only natural to miss its benefits.  The longer the relationship, the greater the sense of loss.  Do not fall prey to your own desires...don't let yourself be convinced that someone "cares" for you only by what they say.  As the saying goes, "actions speak louder than words".  Go about your life as normally as possible, another relationship WILL come along naturally in time.  Try and be your "normal" self and don't go searching about for someone else to "hold" you.  Don't hide yourself away from people for fear of getting hurt; do interact in normal ways!  At some point in time, sooner or later, when you are least expecting it, cupid will strike again!  
Skyfyre
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since 08-15-99
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Sitting in Michael's Lap


3 posted 11-25-2000 09:27 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

Never been married myself, but does a 5-year relationship count..?  

Anyway, it can be strange getting your "dating legs" back ... when you've been removed from that scene for a while, you forget what a chaotic and pathetic life it can be.  My most pressing piece of advice would be the old caveat emptor -- BUYER BEWARE!  It takes the average person about 5 weeks to become comfortable enough with a new girlfriend/boyfriend to start showing their "true colors."  Don't assume because he seems perfect for a month that you've found "the one" -- chances are he's waiting for week five to let Hyde emerge!
On the other hand, you can be pretty sure that he's a decent catch if you go two months without learning he's got a secret fetish which borders on the grotesque ... LOL

Being alone can be hard, especially when you're not used to it, but it is definately better to be alone than to get wrapped up in an unhealthy relationship that ends up next to impossible to get yourself out of.  Proceed with caution, and look before you leap -- your peace of mind will thank you for it!  

Good luck,

Linda



Remember: maintaining a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will certainly annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Dopey Dope
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4 posted 11-25-2000 10:56 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

I do not have any advice but i do wish you the best of luck.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

Nan
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since 05-20-99
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Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


5 posted 11-26-2000 08:22 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Dear, dear Ladycat..

You didn't include your rugrat in this quest for advice, but I can't comment without including him.  With Jason out of your life, you have one primary consideration... That's how you're going to handle single motherhood.  Shouldn't that be your focus?  Luke is just 7 months old.  The milestones in his growth are daily happenstance at this point, and those little arms around your neck are the very best "hug" you could ever hope for.

Since any romantic "relationship" worth its salt would be with someone who will accept both of you as a unit, perhaps concentrating upon the most important guy in your life will hone down that line of suitors to the ones who REALLY like you for who you are.  Besides, munchkins are great attention getters... for the RIGHT sort of man..
Jamie
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since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven


6 posted 11-26-2000 02:35 PM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

The rule of thumb is to wait one year for every 4 years of marriage before beginning to try to develop new realtionships,,, My 4 years were up in October,,,, Nobody but you knows when you will be ready, just remember to be sure there is no chance of reconcilitation before going forward.


Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".

Denise
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7 posted 11-26-2000 03:23 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

I agree wholeheartedly with Nan. Any focus other than on your little one will just lead to more heartache. He is the only one in your life right now who deserves to have your undivided attention. I think you will find that if you put him ahead of everything else in your life, you will reap more love than you could ever have imagined, and it will be the right kind of love, too. I know that the temptation is strong to establish a new relationship after a breakup, but that is just reacting out of 'need'. That doesn't make for the best of relationships. Get yourself grounded firmly and then you can develop a relationship out of 'giving' and not based on being 'needy'. I've made this mistake in my past, so I speak from experience. Save yourself the heartache. I wish you and the little one the best!

Denise
Ladycat
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At the edge and a doorway,TX


8 posted 11-26-2000 03:41 PM       View Profile for Ladycat   Email Ladycat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ladycat's Home Page   View IP for Ladycat

Thank you so much Ladies and Gentlemen (especially you Nan and dsnyder).  I haven't forgotten Luke though, promise.  The guy that is always around me now is the guy that watches Luke while I'm at work during the day and he is madly in Love with me.  The fact is I can't give that kind of Love back to anyone, but my son.  
Thank you Serenity, but I prtend that he is still there then I will feel like I'm living a lie.  It will move from my brain to my heart and then I will want him back. Seeing how he is there, but not there that would not be a good thing.  Jason is there for his son and I'm there for Luke too.  We can no longer be there for each other though. We have tried that idea and failed.  Better off just being friends.
Thank you Rex.  This is some of the best information that I have heard in a long time. Just be me and cupid will strike again.
Thank you Skyfyre and Dopey Dope. Buyer Beware.  I will keep that in mind.
Thank you Prometheus.  That sounds like a good idea.
Just remember that just because I don't bring my son into the subject doesn't mean that he isn't there.  I just don't talk about Luke online since the last conversation that I posted on Netpoets unless it's his birthday and such.  I'm sorry, but I'm making sure he is getting taken care of Ladies. Right now, I am doing the single mother thing and I just might keep doing straight through college.  Only time will tell, on having someone in my life and staying a single mother straight through college.

Once again, Thank you all for the advice. I'm glad that I can come here when I overlook the little things.

Love,
Lady

Live in my world just once and you'll find yourself enraptured.

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