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Just for fun...
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Just for fun... |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
One of my friends forwarded this to me, and I thought you guys would like it... Sorry about these but i couldn't resist playing with some of your bizzare sences of humor. Peace This one's just too good to miss: The guy who wrote this tried out for the football team 'cause he was such a good punner. 1) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled. 2) A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient." 3) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises. 4) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with frounds like these, who needs enemas?" 5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the statement, "He who has a Tates is lost!" 6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on." 7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on." 8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife complained to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census." 9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. 10) By the way, I know the guy who wrote these 9 puns. He entered them and one other in a contest. He figured with 10 entries he couldn't loose. As they were reading the list of winners he was really hoping one of his puns would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elizabeth A. Larson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
A pun is the lowest form of humor you know.. and I LOVE them...something to do with the play on words... |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
I know...some of them are awful, but I can't help but laugh at them!  Elizabeth  |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Yuk yuk yuk ... Remember: maintaining a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will certainly annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Elizabeth~ I thought they were hysterical. I can take a good joke !  Gave me a great grin. I've copied them to e-mail to my friends. Thanks for the laugh.  Tell your friend - THANKS ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Liz, Those were perfectly punned, hysterical tales...my favorite! I have one, that is more just a play on words, though it's a bit longer (and not for the squeamish): A pastor put out a help-wanted sign for someone to replace the man who had rung the church bells before and after each service on Sundays. A while later, he heard someone calling at the door. When he opened it, he saw a man standing there who told him that he had lost both of his arms in a farming accident, but had always wanted to ring the church bells. The pastor asked him how he would handle the ropes to ring the bells, the man answered, "I'll use my face and head...they're very tough." The pastor gave him a puzzled look, and led him up the stairs to the open bell tower for a demonstration. The man ran towards the first bell, face first...straight into it, ringing it soundly. He walked back towards the pastor, who asked, "Doesn't that hurt?". The man responded, "Not at all.", as he ran towards the second bell, ringing it perfectly. He walked back towards the pastor, smiling, then turned towards the third, and last bell. As he approached the bell, he slipped, careening over the low fencing on the tower. When the ambulance and police arrived, the pastor was questioned. "Did you know this man?", asked the officer...to which the pastor replied, "No, but his face rings a bell." Kris There are no precedents: You are the first You that ever was. ~ Christopher Morley |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
LOL Kris! |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
funny funny.......hehe  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
I liked these Elizabeth. You got some good laughs out of me from these. People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts. |
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