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Passions in Poetry

Just for fun...

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Elizabeth
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Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


0 posted 11-26-2000 11:16 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

One of my friends forwarded this to me, and I thought you guys would like it...

Sorry about these but i couldn't resist playing with
some of your bizzare sences of humor. Peace This one's
just too good to miss: The guy who wrote this tried
out for the football team 'cause he was such a good
punner.
1) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his
family were avid bowlers. However, all the league
records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus
we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
2) A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted,
"Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly
responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a
little patient."
3) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically
engineered dolphins that could live forever if they
were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply
of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap
some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep
on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped
over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged
with transporting gulls across sedate lions for
immortal porpoises.
4) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South
American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal
brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular
fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.
When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the
brujo
looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with
frounds like these, who needs enemas?"
5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of
Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and,
since they already made the cases for pocket watches,
decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling
west. It turned out that although their watches were
of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that
people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than
California. This, of course, is the origin of the
statement, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
6) A thief broke into the local police station and
stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was
quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go
on."
7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he
summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination,
the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk
hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite
off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every
day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see
how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and
said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a
voyage and found his name missing from the town
register. His wife complained to the local civic
official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have
taken Leif off my census."
9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer
skin, one slept on an elk skin and the third slept on
a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the
first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on
the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to
prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to
the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
10) By the way, I know the guy who wrote these 9 puns.
He entered them and one other in a contest. He figured
with 10 entries he couldn't loose. As they were
reading the list of winners he was really hoping one
of his puns would win, but unfortunately, no pun
in ten did.

Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 11-26-2000 11:41 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

A pun is the lowest form of humor you know.. and I LOVE them...something to do with the play on words...
Elizabeth
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America the beautiful


2 posted 11-26-2000 11:44 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

I know...some of them are awful, but I can't help but laugh at them!  

Elizabeth  
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


3 posted 11-27-2000 12:19 AM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

Yuk yuk yuk ...  



Remember: maintaining a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will certainly annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
Marge Tindal
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since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


4 posted 11-27-2000 03:16 AM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Elizabeth~
I thought they were hysterical.
I can take a good joke !  
Gave me a great grin.
I've copied them to e-mail to my friends.
Thanks for the laugh.
Tell your friend - THANKS !
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 12-18-1999
Posts 1566


5 posted 11-27-2000 11:35 AM       View Profile for warmhrt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for warmhrt

Liz,

Those were perfectly punned, hysterical tales...my favorite!

I have one, that is more just a play on words, though it's a bit longer (and not for the squeamish):

A pastor put out a help-wanted sign for someone to replace the man who had rung the church bells before and after each service on Sundays. A while later, he heard someone calling at the door. When he opened it, he saw a man standing there who told him that he had lost both of his arms in a farming accident, but had always wanted to ring the church bells. The pastor asked him how he would handle the ropes to ring the bells, the man answered, "I'll use my face and head...they're very tough."
The pastor gave him a puzzled look, and led him up the stairs to the open bell tower for a demonstration. The man ran towards the first bell, face first...straight into it, ringing it soundly. He walked back towards the pastor, who asked, "Doesn't that hurt?".
The man responded, "Not at all.", as he ran towards the second bell, ringing it perfectly. He walked back towards the pastor, smiling, then turned towards the third, and last bell. As he approached the bell, he slipped, careening over the low fencing on the tower.
When the ambulance and police arrived, the pastor was questioned. "Did you know this man?", asked the officer...to which the pastor replied, "No, but his face rings a bell."

Kris


There are no precedents: You are the first You that ever was. ~ Christopher Morley
Elizabeth
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Member Rara Avis
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America the beautiful


6 posted 11-27-2000 01:47 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

LOL Kris!
Dopey Dope
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since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


7 posted 11-27-2000 08:36 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

funny funny.......hehe



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

Erin
Member Elite
since 06-15-2000
Posts 2681
~Chicago~


8 posted 11-28-2000 12:40 AM       View Profile for Erin   Email Erin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Erin

I liked these Elizabeth. You got some good laughs out of me from these.

People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts.
 
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