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Passions in Poetry

You Know Your Canadian if.........

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Parker
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since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


0 posted 02-12-2001 02:31 PM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

You know you're Canadian if:

1.  You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2.  You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk".
3.  You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
4.  You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5.  You drink pop, not soda.
6.  You know what it means to be on pogey.
7.  You know that a mickey and a few 2-4's mean "Party at the campground, eh?!"
8.  You can drink legally while still a teen.
9.  You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
10. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and they love Canadians.
11. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
12. You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't WANT to know if he has!
13. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
14. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
15. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
16. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
17. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
18. You know that Thrills are something to chew and that they "taste like soap."
19. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
20. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
21. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
22. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
23. You participated in "Participaction."
24. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me."
25. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
26. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess a Canadian passport.
27. You use a red pen on your non Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
28. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
29. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
30. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
31. You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
32. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
33. You were sad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air. (Even if you didn't watch it!)
34. You know what a toque is.
35. You have some momento of Bob and Doug.
36. You know that Toronto is not a province.
37. You never miss "Coach's Corner".
38. Back bacon is one of your favourite food groups.

Dopey Dope
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1 posted 02-12-2001 06:11 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

I am sooooooooooooooooo canadian!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily
Sven
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Lansing, MI USA


2 posted 02-12-2001 07:31 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

I have a feeling that I may have been Canadian once. . . in another life. . . but I still wonder about Don Cherry a little. . . LOL. . .

-------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.
fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


3 posted 02-12-2001 07:42 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

You should add this one to the list if you live where I live in Canada:

The four seasons are:
Winter
Almost winter
Just after winter
Construction
Sven
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Lansing, MI USA


4 posted 02-12-2001 07:55 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

fractal. . . that's Michigan!!  LOL



------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.
dreamer1 12 5 24
Member
since 12-11-2000
Posts 172
crossing between


5 posted 02-12-2001 09:03 PM       View Profile for dreamer1 12 5 24   Email dreamer1 12 5 24   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for dreamer1 12 5 24

yeah, canadian, eh???
oh well, it's better than huh(???)!!!
CANADA KICKS!!!!!!! ( )

....peace as a primary objective is dangerous because it implies that we would sacrifice anything for the sake of it....
Robert Kaplan
CocoBaci
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since 05-06-2000
Posts 3084


6 posted 02-12-2001 09:43 PM       View Profile for CocoBaci   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for CocoBaci

Way too funny I got a good giggle from this as well as the responses...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3.You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me
a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."

Oh sooooooo true  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Haleyja and friends thanks for the giggles...
coco
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


7 posted 02-13-2001 12:11 PM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

Sven..... to prove this.... you must explain #3, #6, #7, and tell us who is represented on the Canadian Tire Money... (must have some to know this)

Parker..

thanks to all the fellow Canadian's that droped by...take off eh!


[This message has been edited by Haleyja (edited 02-13-2001).]
Honeybee
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since 12-26-1999
Posts 5512
Ontario, CANADA


8 posted 02-13-2001 03:11 PM       View Profile for Honeybee   Email Honeybee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Honeybee



I am one proud Canadian!

Thanks for the laughs Parker!
JOY 14
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since 09-22-1999
Posts 1447
Wisconsin USA


9 posted 02-14-2001 09:06 PM       View Profile for JOY 14   Email JOY 14   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JOY 14's Home Page   View IP for JOY 14

"Track lighting Mr. Cherry? Oh, we can get you track lighting. Set my time machine back to 1979...."

The flying pig for life's many line-ups!


I'm not a Canadian but am thinking of moving there.
Think I could grow to become one?

Joy
Acies
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Twilight Zone


10 posted 02-14-2001 09:55 PM       View Profile for Acies   Email Acies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Acies

you know you're Canadian if you like those Beck's commercials

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.
Marina
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since 02-10-2000
Posts 2267
Pickering, Ontario


11 posted 02-14-2001 11:10 PM       View Profile for Marina   Email Marina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marina

These are great James, but you missed one important one...

Hell has just frozen over and as all good Canadians know...This means the Leafs have just won the Stanley Cup!!!!

Marina



It is a blessing to have wings for words, and passion in pen
Marina Crossley


bsquirrel
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12 posted 12-20-2002 03:20 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Libre prix! Sucre? Jamais!
winston
Member
since 12-19-2002
Posts 213
NW of Eden


13 posted 12-20-2002 05:33 PM       View Profile for winston   Email winston   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for winston

Maybe the Canadians should go and move in with the English or the French. :-))

"am a tourist not a terrorist, don't shoot, cause we are all on a journey to God" Michak

Skyfire
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since 12-27-2000
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Riding


14 posted 12-20-2002 07:22 PM       View Profile for Skyfire   Email Skyfire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfire

Another classic season one:

winter
breakup
construction
winter

"it was cute, it was like he was shy and didn't want to make it too obvious"
~ Reena
I'm Rhondiforous!

Duncan
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since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716


15 posted 12-20-2002 09:37 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan

I didn't understand even 10% of this.  If only I'd seen it a year ago, mighta saved myself a bit of time mentally filling in those u's.  Milk in a bag???  No...that's just wrong!!!

The thought of her hands
touching his hair
makes me want to vomit.

Richard Brautigan

Larry C
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Member Patricius
since 09-10-2001
Posts 10765
United States


16 posted 12-20-2002 10:24 PM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

winston...careful! Not good advice, eh!

Parker how fun this was. I enjoyed them all and knew quite a few. But where is the one about you know you're Canadian if you have a good heart? I love all my Canadian friends. Very well done.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


17 posted 12-21-2002 12:51 AM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

winston winston...... don't know much about us do you? Thats a shame.

Even though this is just meant to declare how proud we are of our country, and to state that there are differences between us and our American brothers and sisters. Although I must admit not alot. There is still no country I would rather be neighbours with then the United States. The truth is that we have more in common with each other then any other country does with us. Same parents.  

So cheers and Merry Christmas
          and Happy New Year to you all.


Parker

by the way....

Its spelled colour, honour, and labour
and the following people are all Canadian

Captain Kirk.... William Shatner
Jim Carrey
Raymound Burr
David Cronenberg Director
Kianu Reevs
Lorn Green of Bonanza
Martin Short
Dan Aykroyd
Neil Young the singer
Micheal J Fox
Paul Shaffer (Lettermans sidekick)
Alanis Morissette
Pam Anderson (although parts of her might be American )
Shania Twain  (first lady of country and bellybuttons)
John Candy comedian
Christopher Plummer
Bryan Adams
EUGENE LEVY
Wayne Gretzky
Donald and Kiefer Southerland
Glenn Ford
Catherine O'Hara comedian
Dorothy Stratten playboy bunny
Dave Thomas
Paul Anka
James Cameron director (Titanic, True Lies, Terminatorů etc)
JACK L. WARNER of Warner Brothers
Helen Shaver
Micheal Ironside
Meg Tilly
RAE DAWN CHONG
Tommy Chong of Cheech and Chong
Alan Thicke
James Doohan (Scotty of Star Trek)
CATHERINE MARY STEWART
Paul Gross
Mike Myers (Austin Powers)
Nick Mancuso
Monika Schnarre model
CAMILLA SCOTT
Chief Dan George
Tom Green
KIM CATTRALL ( raised here since 3 months)
FAY WRAY
Neve Campbell
Margot Kidder Luis Lane
Norm Macdonald
COREY HAIM of lost boys
Howie Mandel

http://www.northernstars.ca/index.html

[This message has been edited by Parker (12-21-2002 02:03 AM).]

Christopher
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Member Rara Avis
since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


18 posted 12-21-2002 02:02 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

what's a "canada?"
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


19 posted 12-21-2002 02:06 AM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

let me answer that with a question....

what's a "america?"

Chris, if you drank a few of our beers would you care.  

Canada .... North American Wild Goose

Well that explains it.

[This message has been edited by Parker (12-21-2002 02:12 AM).]

SEA
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with you


20 posted 12-21-2002 02:12 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

Parker, you spelled Lois wrong my dear.....
and what's with your beer is it ale or what?! lol I am closer to Canada now, talkin about going to see it too
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


21 posted 12-21-2002 02:14 AM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

Sea, I'm sorry.... do come and see me though.

Where are you near?

Christopher
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since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


22 posted 12-21-2002 02:23 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

nope - i used to go up into canada on the weekends (out of Great Lakes Il, during my A-School) and i'm a pus... can't handle what y'all call beer.
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


23 posted 12-21-2002 02:26 AM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

When I Travel in the US I can buy Canadian Beer at the gas station cheaper then Home... Its a shame we don't do that here. If I only lived closer to the border.
Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


24 posted 12-21-2002 02:34 AM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

Letterman loves Canada... well he loves to make fun of us...

Here's some of his top ten lists...

Top Ten Canadian Complaints About Americans
10. Won't acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Howie Mandel  
9. We're pretty sure they're holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will  
8. Every time we mention the city "Regina," they won't stop giggling  
7. Incredibly, they only have one word for "snow"  
6. In American encyclopedias, Canada often called "North Dakota's gay neighbor"  
5. They call it American cheese, even though it was invented by Canadian superstar Gordon Lightfoot  
4. They've never even heard of our most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan  
3. Two words: "Weird Al"  
2. Sick of that gap-toothed loser on "The Late Show with Paul Shaffer"  
1. Not enough guys named "Gordie"  

Top Ten Canadian Complaints About U.S. TV Shows
10. Whenever they show Niagara Falls, always "happens" to be on U.S. side  
9. Not enough exciting canoe chases  
8. No Monday night curling  
7. Just when we get hooked on "Dweebs" -- poof! It's gone  
6. One too many award shows hosted by David Letterman  
5. It's really hard to play along with "Jeopardy!" after you've drunk a couple dozen Molsons  
4. Not a single Canadian featured in O.J. trial  
3. E.R. never about frostbite  
2. During "Cheers" reruns, real beer should pour out of the TV  
1. Too much Dave, not enough Paul  


Top Ten Reasons Alex Trebek Became a U.S. Citizen
10. Dying to show off how much he knows at the citizenship exam.  
9. For 10th year in a row, lost Sexiest Canadian Alive to that bastard Alan Thicke.  
8. Became interested after playing U.S. Citizenship: the Home Game.  
7. Risked everything to flee Canada's crushing Communist regime.  
6. What is...American tail?  
5. Finally admitted to himself he's just not that interested in hockey.  
4. Canadian bacon -- neither crispy nor delicious; American bacon -- crispy and very delicious.  
3. After you're sworn in as citizen, you get a free USA totebag.  
2. Got into a little Jeopardy with a stripper in Toronto.  
1. I'll take "Who gives a crap?" for a thousand.  

Top Ten Possible Names For Quebec If It Secedes (its thinking of starting its own country... lol)
10. Le Grand Faux Pas  
9. Lorne Greenland  
8. Rand McNally's Worst Nightmare  
7. Sparky  
6. International House of Pancakes  
5. The Monkey On Maine's Back  
4. Frenchylvania  
3. Canada 90210  
2. Parlez-Vousland  
1. Funkytown

Top Ten Reasons Canada Keeps Beating Us in the World Series (1993 show)
10. French baseball chatter very disorienting  
9. U.S. players get sleepy standing through two national anthems.  
8. Special enzyme in Canadian bacon that turns players into game-winning zombies  
7. American teams discouraged by Clinton's new RBI tax  
6. All our secret plays are being funneled to them by that weasel Paul Shaffer.  
5. Exchange rate makes Canadian runs worth more.  
4. Stirring pre-game talks, which always end with "win one for Lorne Greene".  
3. They don't bother to use actual Canadians.  
2. Let's face it--we're a bunch of "Hosers."  
1. Those damn mountie umpires

Top Ten NAFTA Provisions
10. Canadians can borrow your car anytime they want.  
9. Mexican workers still get $1.25 an hour, but will also get a complimentary pair of NAFTA slacks.  
8. Like it or not, Bob Dylan has to do at least one Letterman show.  
7. Instead of airbags, Mexican built Chevrolets will have pinata.  
6. Al Gore must drink a shot of Cuervo every hour.  
5. When visiting Mexico and Canada, Americans are free to shoplift as much as they can carry.  
4. President Clinton has to split time between McDonald's and Taco Bell.  
3. Every talk show gets a "coffee mountie."  
2. Deportation of Lorena Bobbitt to Guadalajara  
1. Pesos now "Clintos"  


We know its all in fun..... the damn hoser.

Def: Hoser.... beer drinking Canadian.


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