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Passions in Poetry

I Quit!!!!

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Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley


25 posted 04-12-2000 08:58 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

LOL...Ok...but you know I'll never be able to drive, one look at my 'rack' and all you will say is 'flat you ain't'..... Ali..that man is hooking his car to our bumper!!! He's riding behind us....now he's climbing on TOP of the RV....now he's sliding into the window RIGHT onto Nan's lap...(she gets all the guys!!!)...
Alicat
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since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


26 posted 04-12-2000 08:59 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

*looks over at Mike and gives a verticle smile* It's nae a skirrrrrt, ye daft besom...it's a kilt, ye ken?

Fear not, comely buxom Lass...I'll defend you from that Loonie's advances...

*starts humming Transfusion*

Alicat, proudly regimental

[This message has been edited by Alicat (edited 04-12-2000).]
Poet deVine
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27 posted 04-12-2000 09:05 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

NOTICE: It is decreed that henceforth, in this rolling poetry machine, all men MUST wear kilts. Men not wearing a kilt will have to sit in Mike's car, attached to the REAR end of the RV...and right UNDER the bathtub drain!

Ali! Stop at the nearest WalMart for some more plaid fabric!
Alicat
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since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


28 posted 04-12-2000 09:08 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Will do Sharon..yanno, you might be able to take the wheel if you didn't have that...rack.  I mean, that's a pretty wide...antler spread, yanno?  Maybe if you put in Mikes car, you'll have more room to drive...

*pulls in to WallyWorld for more of that wonderful tartan stuff*


Alicat, humming Scotland the Brave
Poet deVine
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29 posted 04-12-2000 09:13 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

I am NOT riding in that car all alone! I didn't come all this way to sit in a car by myself and listen to all of you whooping and hollering and having fun up here...so just get that idea right out of your head mister...I've decided to write country/western songs (whiplash from the topic change)


Im nothing but a wienie in a ziploc baggie
And youre nothing but a wienie in a kilt
Were driving around in this here RV
The biggest one that Winnebago built



Mike
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since 06-19-99
Posts 2528


30 posted 04-12-2000 09:16 PM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mike

thought he heard talk of stopping to eat...
guess that isnt the Hooters everyone was talking about...  still a little concerned about the smile on auntie bethane there... at least oughta shave the legs...  er... guess aunt bethane didnt either...  oh...  Walmart...  these west coast fancy pants (skirts) do have some class...  I am supposed to wear what????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hate to tell some of you guys... you dont need them skirts near that long..
heading back out on the road again... on the road again.. sheesh.. they could write a poem about that.. or at least a song..
Alicat
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since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


31 posted 04-12-2000 09:19 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Oh ah wish ah was an Oscar Meyer wienie
Tha is wha ah'd really like ta be
Fer if'n ah was an Oscar Meyer wienie
Ever'ne would luv ta eat....um..


Ok, fine...you can keep your rack up front...nice rack again, and keep me company while we seek out the nearest WallyWorld.

Alicat, still humming the wienie song

Ali's Kilt

[This message has been edited by Alicat (edited 04-12-2000).]
Mike
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since 06-19-99
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32 posted 04-12-2000 09:24 PM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mike

The buxom babe with the Arizona tan observes a nude jogger on the side of the road... she turns quickly... I am knocked across the Rv... talk about knockers....    
now who was that out there jogging sans clothing?  where the heck is his funny plaid skirt?
Poet deVine
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33 posted 04-12-2000 09:26 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Ok...here at WalMart!!! Doreen and XAngel, stay with the RV..guard it with your life... Ron and Nan...uh..where's Nan? NAN!!!! (sees Nan running towards a puddle in the parking lot).."Nan! That's not the ocean!"

Ok..the rest of us (gee Michael and Chris are awfully quiet!)...into WalMart....

Easter stuff is out (let's stock up on Peeps) they last forever and if they get hard, we can roast them over our buttane fire....And Chips..need chips....(Ali walks to the fabric department where he is petted and cosseted by the lady selling her goods by the yard)...
Alicat
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since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


34 posted 04-12-2000 09:32 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

"Urm..yes.." *removes hand* "Would you have any.." *removes other hand* "Ahem..would you.." *removes both hands and foot* "Plaid fabric...got.." *gets backed into an Easter Display* "Um..." *removes hands and tape measure* "Plaid fabric..yards..." *gets cornered by fabric lady and assistant* "Um..guys..help?"


Alicat, very nearly bent over a barrel...
Mistikman
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since 01-10-2000
Posts 729
San Jose, CA, USA


35 posted 04-12-2000 09:36 PM       View Profile for Mistikman   Email Mistikman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mistikman

heh, Im glad I am not the only one who has wierd mental brain thoughts   Interesting ideas PdV   Might wanna cruise down to San Jose, CA and hook me up with some o'dat cookin  
Poet deVine
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36 posted 04-12-2000 09:37 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

*pushing the cart (I didn't know they had barrels in Walmart)

*Mike, Michael and Christopher are in Ladies Lingerie...

I'm stuck again, picking up provisions..Ron is off in the Computer department, loading up on Rams or Bytes or Gigs...

"Ali! Get your plaid butt over here"!
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


37 posted 04-12-2000 09:39 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

Ok, look, you guys! Here I am expecting a jammin' good Thyme down at Sturgis and all the guys are dressing up in kilts???!!!???

Take those kilts OFF! PLEASE!

*evil grin*

AND KEEP THEM OFF! Thank you. *wink*
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


38 posted 04-12-2000 09:44 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

OMIGOD!! Wait a minute... i didn't notice they were wearing lingerie, too... geesh... who ARE these guys...

Hey, deVine... give them back their leathers! We're going to Sturgis, for chrissake...

I knew we shoulda taken the convertable. You're supposed to go to Sturgis topless, right?
Alicat
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since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


39 posted 04-12-2000 09:47 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Ah's a tryin...  

*grabs a yardstick and fences the fabric ladies* Take that..and that..and...hey..no fair...put the crotchet needle down!  Uh oh... *vaults the Spring Swing display and hightails it, keeping own tail covered, if possible, back to Sharon* Ooof... *hits the cart and bottoms up*

Doreen, yes ma'am! Wilco!


Alicat, in a definate bind

[This message has been edited by Alicat (edited 04-12-2000).]
Poet deVine
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40 posted 04-12-2000 09:53 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Star Date 41300....this is the chronicle of how nine innocent poets (5 of whom were naked, kiltless men) were forceably ejected (stop giggling Ali!) by two 90 year old WalMart greeters.

We were minding our own business when Doreen comes running in yelling that Nan needs a quilt..well, Doreen had a Tootsie Pop in her mouth and all the guys heard was "Nan needs a kilt" so they all pulled theirs off and flung them at Doreen!

The next thing we knew..we were standing next to the RV, 5 naked poets (a sestina if I ever heard one) and 4 angry women (a pantoum!)....

Ron, leader that he is, covered himself with his cowboy hat and ordered us back into the RV...
Alicat
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since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


41 posted 04-12-2000 10:03 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Five naked guys all a-running
While Four angry lasses were fuming
The greeters just stared
As the Facts were bared
As everyone glanced at their plumbing


*deftly, Ali runs inside the RV, returning with his gunny sack, pulling out fresh Kilts for all* Your choice, mates....wear em or dangle in the wind.... *donning his, he bows to the assembled audience, kisses the four angry women upon thier rosy cheeks, and ducks back inside the RV, taking the helm* Let's load up people...we still got a K-Mart to get banned from....


Alicat, knowing this chronicle shall be continued...later...
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


42 posted 04-12-2000 10:10 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

Dammit, Alicat! Why'd you do that??? Now I'm COLD!!

Hey, Sharon, throw me that leather over there, wouldja? Nan disappeared with the quilt...

In days of curiosity
when Sturgis cats were Kilt
I'll have no animosity
'bout cards that I've been dilt.
We're on the road to have some fun,
the Wizard, he is lost...
This midlife crisis Sharon has
has such a minor cost.
No kilts, no tops, no poet rest
can keep us from our fate.
Hey, poetpeople, this is FUN!
Hey poets, this is GREAT!

C'mon guys... funs over, back in the bus... let's get down the road!

Poet deVine
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43 posted 04-12-2000 10:16 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Christopher takes the wheel (and after Doreen chases him and gets it back), we start back down the road....looking for that BIG K in the sky....we see the Big M..which causes XAngel to whine that she's hungry..then Nan says she'd like some Cod..(cape or fish)...so we decide to pull into Denny's...always serving breakfast....

The guys all order some kind of slam....then Doreen wants to know if they use real butter on the toast and is the milk fresh and are those real eggs and can the syrup be heated..and then...well..it's not so bad being tossed out of Denny's!  On the way to KMart again...
Alicat
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since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


44 posted 04-12-2000 10:23 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

*after being escorted by cops on break out of Denny's* Well...that wasn't so bad...except for the cavity search thingy *shudders and waddles to the RV*

No worries..there's still the Kettle, IHOP, Sherries, Waffle House, Pancake House, and a slew of others...

New quest: not only to convert Sturgis, but to be booted and banned from as many diners and merchandise stores as feasably possible....upwards and onwards, stalwart Poets.....our Quest awaits!

*mounts a banner of a Dragon curled around a Gothic P on the back of the RV*


Alicat, on the prowl
Poet deVine
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45 posted 04-12-2000 10:32 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

*After Ali's 'incident' with the Denny's cops, we now find that we have a police escort...the only traveling poetry troup in the west with our own security force! (I feel like Madonna....like a virgin..oh! sorry, can't sing that one!)

We get back on track and onto the next stop... we are in search of the perfect whine...yes...we were told that northern California was known for it's whines....(Nan and XAngel, hungry still and not wanting to eat the beans for fear they will have to sit on the drivers seat AFTER Christopher are perfecting their Poetic WHINES now)
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


46 posted 04-12-2000 10:48 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

I love to eat real butter,
fresh milk, real eggs and toast...
but if we stop at IHOP
just call me "poet-ghost".
I may not have my shirt on
but guys have lost their pants..
I'm sure they'll be some dirt on
News-at-Ten, again, by chance.

"POETPEOPLE CAME TO TOWN"
they'll soon announce on air.
'TOOK THE HILLSIDE BY WALMART"
(would anybody care??)
'WENT TO IHOP TO EAT EGGS
AND ALL WITHOUT THEIR SHIRT!
DROVE A VAN WITH POTTY SEAT!
THE COPS ARE ON ALERT!"

The thing about the story
on channel seven news
is no-one's watching tv sets
(appliance they don't use)
They all just sit in front of some
small tiny 'puter screen
deVine midlife in crisis
with faces turning green.

No shirts, no kilts, no potty seat
this Sturgin trip goes on...
Just think, while we are having fun
someone must mow the lawn!
I hope that they don't mow us down
before this journey's done.
Oh, Sharon dear, forgot to ask...
is midlife crisis fun???
Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


47 posted 04-12-2000 10:56 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

*slowly, the caravan of the 'Stute Wienie, several cars hooked to the bumper in a long train, and a squad car, hoping to catch another glimpse of the fabled DeVine Rack, move up the winding road of Mount Shasta*

Um..guys....more beans, please...this boat needs more oomph...

*one hand on the wheel, open can between my legs, other hand on the spoon, I shift it on down to second, and punch it, zooming up the mountain road in a cloud of green exhaust*

*Starts singing the theme to Beverly Hillbillies*


Alicat..just a ......um..grinnin...
Poet deVine
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48 posted 04-12-2000 11:03 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

*after stopping at a garage sale to get a rocker for Nan, we strapped her to the roof of the RV...

Michael and Chris are hanging off the back, waving and whistling at all the girls..

XAngel and Doreen are riding with the policemen (not knowing it was the full cavity body search of Alicat that drew them to the Caravan)....Ali is driving and Mike is navigating (occasionally holding Ali's can as he loads more buttane fuel into the seat)and I'm sitting at the table with Ron..

So! Ron, how are things going? Are you happy to be here? Do you think you'll like Sturgis? Do you think they have buffalo in South Dakota?

(*Ron mutters to himself "first PetSmart we find I'm getting this woman a muzzle!)

PdV overhears a bit of this and thinks Whoopee! Toys!!!
Mike
Member Elite
since 06-19-99
Posts 2528


49 posted 04-12-2000 11:06 PM       View Profile for Mike   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mike

There is an RV in California,
They call the Rolling 'Stute,
It's been the ruin of many a fine boy,
Who now think beans are fruit.
My mother was a tailor,
She sewed my brand new kilt,
My father was a poet man,
My God, deVine is built...


 
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