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Passions in Poetry

Will trade for brain ...

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Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


0 posted 03-16-2001 11:25 AM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre

Have you ever seen a newspaper ad that made you wonder what the person who wrote it (not to mention the editor of the newspaper) was thinking, assuming they were actually capable of thought??

A few from this morning:

"HYDRAULIC WENCH $150"
( I see a lot of these in this area, offered with trucks, trailers, etc ... apparently "wenches" are a hot commodity!)  

"81 Datsun Pickup, Extra cab, no engine, runs good, $1300"
(Uhm ... yeah)

ROSAMOND 3-bedroom mobil home and 5/8 acres land with water, you move.  $29,900
(Move the LAND??)  

Anyone else have some to share?  
Linda
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 03-16-2001 12:51 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

The only thing that comes to mind is a favorite headline which occurred during the silly fracas over PeeWee Herman:

PEE WEE HERMAN DOLLS BEING JERKED OFF THE SHELVES!

heh heh....even after all the tired jokes, I still find that one funny!
Dopey Dope
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since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


2 posted 03-16-2001 05:36 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

hahaha This is hilarious...
Elizabeth Cor
Senior Member
since 10-13-2000
Posts 906
Oregon (yeah!)


3 posted 03-16-2001 11:02 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth Cor   Email Elizabeth Cor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Cor

Along the same lines...what about personal ads?
This is a great "omg these people EXIST?" site:
http://www.waytoopersonal.com/

I mean, you have to want go here just because of the domain name...


p.s. if that's a Bakersfield paper, I'd take the 'wench' ads seriously ROTFL...



[This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (edited 03-16-2001).]
Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


4 posted 03-17-2001 12:59 AM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre



Whoa, Beth ... Michael and I have just been discussing just how *good* we have it after reading some of those emails ... GAWD!!

You'll have to excuse me now ... I have to go lock all the doors and put plywood over the windows ... *shudder*


Linda
Elizabeth Cor
Senior Member
since 10-13-2000
Posts 906
Oregon (yeah!)


5 posted 03-17-2001 06:01 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Cor   Email Elizabeth Cor   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Cor

I only read about a half dozen of the e-mails before putting the link up... after more thorough research I am thoroughly terrified … WARNING: above link is NOT for the faint of heart! (or paranoid)

Other news (it's a viable tangent):

A few church bulletins…



Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an Ice Cream Social. All ladies giving milk please come early.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg on the Altar.  

On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper.  

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday.  

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in school days.  

This week's saints include a French woman (Teresa, the Little Flower), a Swedish woman (Bridget), an Italian man (Francis of Assisi), a German man (Bruno), a Jewess from the Holy Land (Mary, God's Mother). They include single people and married people. Bridget was a wife and mother. Mary was a virgin and virgin mother. If they could do it, so can we.  

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.  

The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.  

The choir will meet at the Larsen house for fun and sinning.  

Thursday at 5 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers will please meet with the minister in the study.  

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.  

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."  

Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.  

Today - Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 1 p.m.-8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.  

The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth into Joy."  

The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.  

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.  

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.  

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.  

22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, "The Lord Knows Why."  

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say, "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.  

Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.  

Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?"
Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett
Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"  

On a church bulletin during the minister's illness:
"GOD IS GOOD
Dr. Hargreaves is better."  

Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.  

Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.  

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge--Up Yours."

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David A. Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

Announcement in the church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.  Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale, It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.  Don't forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

The sermons this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."  The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions.  She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.  

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is  Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.




[This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (edited 03-17-2001).]
Irie
Senior Member
since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


6 posted 03-17-2001 11:40 AM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

The funniest one I ever saw was actually an ad for Assorted Shampoo....how ever, with typo's, this is how the ad read.

ASS Shampoo & Conditioner - 3 for $5.00

These that have been listed are great!

~Sheri

"The things that come to those that wait may be the things
left by those who got there first"


Irie
Senior Member
since 12-01-1999
Posts 1526
Washington State


7 posted 03-17-2001 12:30 PM       View Profile for Irie   Email Irie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irie

Here are a few more

"Amana washer $100. Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed."

"A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms."

"His and hers bicycles, $25 each or both for $55."

"For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers."

"We'll move you worldwide throughout the country."

"Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again."

"Illiterate? Write today for free help."

"Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating."

"TO LET: 4 bedroom house close to town. No poets."

~Sheri

"The things that come to those that wait may be the things
left by those who got there first"


Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-04-2001
Posts 4212
Winnipeg


8 posted 03-17-2001 12:58 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood


ROTFLMAO




These are hilarious! I want more!


If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 03-17-2001).]

Elizabeth
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Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-07-99
Posts 7296
America the beautiful


9 posted 03-17-2001 01:47 PM       View Profile for Elizabeth   Email Elizabeth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Elizabeth's Home Page   View IP for Elizabeth

Here's a few more church bulletin ones:

"We need models for our 'Satan and Lace Wedding Party.'"

"The Bible group will study the lesson 'Jesus Walks on Walter.'"

But the best one I read was one from a hometown paper, about a woman who won the tri-course golf championship:

"Congratulations to Mrs. Smith, Intercourse Champion."

Acies
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since 06-07-2000
Posts 14805
Twilight Zone


10 posted 03-17-2001 03:43 PM       View Profile for Acies   Email Acies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Acies

You guys are funny

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Colin
Senior Member
since 06-05-99
Posts 612
Callington, Cornwall, England


11 posted 03-18-2001 02:43 AM       View Profile for Colin   Email Colin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Colin

I loved all the bloopers!!!!! I can't remember any offhand, but I've seen a few too.

More importantly though.... did anyone see the that changes colour on that dating site?????

a changing colour bouncy thing!!!!

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. - Bill Vaughan

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 08-15-99
Posts 1966
Sitting in Michael's Lap


12 posted 03-18-2001 03:08 PM       View Profile for Skyfyre   Email Skyfyre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfyre






hehe

[This message has been edited by Skyfyre (edited 03-18-2001).]

Greeneyes617
Member
since 11-22-2000
Posts 335
Arkansas


13 posted 03-18-2001 08:48 PM       View Profile for Greeneyes617   Email Greeneyes617   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Greeneyes617

OMG!!! These are SOOOOO funny! I love em'!
X Angel
Senior Member
since 11-07-1999
Posts 1592
Oregon


14 posted 03-18-2001 09:56 PM       View Profile for X Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for X Angel

will a proofreading quip work?
while I was working at this print shop we were proofing the ballots for a local upcoming election. There is extremely STRICT guidelines and rules associated with this, and my coworker and I were expected to be quite sober while we were proofing these.....
but we lost it completely when we read...."The tax will be for three ears..." I said really quietly, "oh my god the government is getting desperate." I thought my coworker was gonna die laughing. Well we got in trouble, but it was the best laugh we had all week. (It should have read "The tax will be for three Years.")

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.
Mae West (1892-1980)

WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


15 posted 03-20-2001 10:00 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

Jay Leno puts some good ones on too! Maybe you should send those in to him.

Got some good laughs here!
 
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