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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Translucence
Critical Analysis #2
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Monk Frost I!
Member
since 2008-06-15
Posts 80
0 posted 2009-03-06 11:12 PM

Bright the stars during a clear night
Opaque a half moon near translucent
Full the sky not a cloud in sight
Silent before the crickets chirp
Windows open we drift off to sleep
To dream of a tomorrow as perfect
© Copyright 2009 Terry Ridener - All Rights Reserved
pontyjim
Junior Member
since 2009-03-06
Posts 40
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 2009-03-06 11:25 PM

Hey Monk Frost. I like it. kind of a quirky, e.e. cummings feel to it. One thing, I would watch the meter a bit more carefully. Try reading it out loud and notice where the emphasis lands. Nice one.
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navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Translucence

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