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Passions in Poetry

Spinning

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stacylynn418
Junior Member
since 03-06-2009
Posts 40
new york


0 posted 03-06-2009 04:50 PM       View Profile for stacylynn418   Email stacylynn418   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stacylynn418


The world will turn in spite of you.
Time seems to stand still,
And you feel as if nothing
Could be okay after this is over.
But outside
The world keeps spinning,
And lives are lived,
And seasons change.
Everything continues without you.
You are detached,
Insignificant,
And unaware of all that is moving on
As you remain frozen in time.
The whole world spins
And nobody notices
The one life left behind.
© Copyright 2009 stacy carter - All Rights Reserved
pontyjim
Junior Member
since 03-06-2009
Posts 40
Ontario, Canada


1 posted 03-06-2009 08:25 PM       View Profile for pontyjim   Email pontyjim   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit pontyjim's Home Page   View IP for pontyjim

stacylynn418, thanks for sharing your words!
I like the overall theme of the poem, I love the succint title. However, consider this: try to think of words as your paintbrush. Don't be afraid to really work the brush and paint a picture with your words. Mash the language a bit. It's ok, you won't break it! If you can become a little more "visual", I think you will find that your words pack more of a punch. Good effort.
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


2 posted 03-07-2009 02:36 AM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Hi stacylynn418,

Welcome to PIP. You did a very good job with this poem. I am impressed with your punctuation and grammar. Does the "you" in this poem represent the narrator?

turtle
stacylynn418
Junior Member
since 03-06-2009
Posts 40
new york


3 posted 03-07-2009 04:09 PM       View Profile for stacylynn418   Email stacylynn418   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stacylynn418

Thanks for the advice. I will definitly try to be more visual in my next post. And yes, the "you" does refer to that.
 
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