In verboten Srebrenica schnauzers noshed on rotten pizza,
In schlock shops the zaftig yenta found refuge to kvetch and schmooze;
Ragamuffins, dykes, and golems argued over works of Sholem
And the case of Irene Bolam, keeping warm with swigs of booze;
Gonifs, schnorrers clad in schmatte schlepped the steppes and yelled abuse:
It was there he found his muse.
In the grotto, gargoyles, gorgons, offered him use of their organs
As they spat tobacco juice and slurred some songs of Mother Goose;
Schmaltzy Carrie, gaunt and hairy, belched and reeked of bloody mary,
Munching on a dingleberry blurting she would not refuse
For a sum of sixty kuna gory use, abuse, misuse;
On her face she begged he ooze.
Mavens fat as big beluga, kvelling of all thatís meshuga,
Boasted she had labia that hanged down like St-Bernard flews
That would give him haimish pleasure, schadenfreude at his leisure,
Like an oyster she held treasure, pure as pearls from Belarus;
Machers filled with chutzpah nudged the nebbish, the mensh to seduce
And ensnare him in her noose.
They hung portraits of Umberto, borborygmi in concerto,
Smorgasbord of kosher schmutz, a feast of pancreatic juice,
On the stage they danced burlesquely in the hall they groped grotesquely,
And all went so Disneyesquely, poltergeists were on the loose:
And thus ends the sore megillah of his life as a recluse:
Married in kaput caboose.