How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Critical Analysis #2 Archive
 shatterd glass   [ Page: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  ]
 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

shatterd glass

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


75 posted 02-22-2009 05:15 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

There are so many adjectives we can use for the hair like satin, silkey, raven, shining

Lets figure out what you want to use here.

What is the one thing about your hair you like most?
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


76 posted 02-22-2009 05:17 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Yes,

We can use that.

My hair has swirls of lovely curls

???
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


77 posted 02-22-2009 05:18 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

a lot of people tell me they love it becuase it is "very pretty" soft springy.
but i like it becuase so few people have my type of hair.
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


78 posted 02-22-2009 05:19 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

What do you mean by "My type of hair"?
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


79 posted 02-22-2009 05:21 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

so now to balck and brown

down my back flows black and brown.

            OR
down flows black and brown

           OR
down swims black and brown


not much a diffrence
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


80 posted 02-22-2009 05:22 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

i mean its big and curly. but the curls have different sizs. some ar tight while others or thickr and wavy. it is also very big but it looks like its supposed to b that way.
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


81 posted 02-22-2009 05:24 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

You're ahead of me baby I'm still on line one

Do you want to use "springy"?
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


82 posted 02-22-2009 05:26 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Hmmmm....

Let me think if there's a word for this.

Give me a sec.....
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


83 posted 02-22-2009 05:36 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Okay,

The word I think that describes what you're saying would be "intricate"

But that's not a poetic word.

So, I found "fancy" at rhymezone that means the same thing.

What do you think?
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


84 posted 02-22-2009 05:37 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

kk sounds fine.

i have swirls of fancy curls

so nxt line. what do you think about that one? too long ?
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


85 posted 02-22-2009 05:45 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

"My hair has swirls of  fancy curls"


Okay now. lets look at these next three lines together.

"down my back swims black and brown.
i, who wears the princess dress
i am the rightful owner of Spain's crown"


"black and brown seem backwards to me?

I usually think of it as "Brown and black"

I think you are trying to rhyme with "crown"

Maybe we can find another word for crown??

But maybe we should rethink this??

This princess dress?

Isn't there a ceremony {party}

For girls when they turn 16?

What is that called?
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


86 posted 02-22-2009 05:47 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

uh a sweet sixteen. i can do a quincenera since its in spain.
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


87 posted 02-22-2009 05:51 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

I like it, but it won't work with the rhythm.

Is there another word that means the same thing>

lets go to  google and see......
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


88 posted 02-22-2009 05:53 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

for short they call it a quince. but there are no other names for it. it is the celbration of a 15th birthday
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


89 posted 02-22-2009 06:06 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Yeah I didn't find anything I liked either.

hmmm....


Well let me think about this so I can be clearer on what to do here. The Black and brown is not working.....

Yes, I need to think this through....

I'll be back!

Sweety, this may take a while so....Go read a book.

nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


90 posted 02-22-2009 06:07 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

haha ok. i just went the book store a little while ago so ill read a little of the book i got.
Grinch
Member Elite
since 12-31-2005
Posts 2710
Whoville


91 posted 02-22-2009 06:38 PM       View Profile for Grinch   Email Grinch   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Grinch


My swirling hair all fancy curls
In rivulets of brown and black
A quintessential fair princess
Who yearns to earn my kingdom back
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


92 posted 02-22-2009 06:50 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Oh! I like this too.

nina, now you have another idea. It's always good to have more ideas.      

Thanks grinch that is very close to what she needs to do here.        

Nina, you should read this poem that grinch posted.
This is what poetry is about.


http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum28/HTML/002321.html

Okay the words and end rhymes here are easy to fix. What is hard
is to fix the context so that the stanza makes sense.

"My hair has swirls of fancy curls
down my back swims black and brown.
i, who wears the princess dress
i am the rightful owner of Spain's crown"

Look at how I've taken what you said in this stanza and clarified the meaning.

"My hair has swirls in  fancy curls
Of black and brown, for I am blessed.
My princess dress says I am heir,
To Spainish Crown and Royal Crest"

I'm not saying this is what we have to do and I'd rather you put this in your
own words, but this is kinda what I'm seeing as what you are trying to say???

    



[This message has been edited by turtle (02-22-2009 08:43 PM).]

nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


93 posted 02-22-2009 09:40 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

yes that is what im trying to say. thank you for clarifying that
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


94 posted 02-22-2009 09:48 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Yeah, I know this stuff is hard. yuh!
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


95 posted 02-22-2009 09:50 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

"My hair has swirls of fancy curls
Of black and brown, for I am blessed.
My princess gown says I am heir,
To the Spainish Crown and Royal Crest"


nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


96 posted 02-22-2009 09:50 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

yeah but i enjoy it. i truly do. i didnt really change anything but ress to gown, not that big of a change haha
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


97 posted 02-22-2009 09:51 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Let me see if I can find you something to read that might help you understand better.
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


98 posted 02-22-2009 09:52 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Good that works.
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


99 posted 02-22-2009 09:57 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

what do you want to do here?

Do you want to go on to the next stanza?

I need you to explain it to me anyway I

want to understand it better.



I'll find something for you to read and get you a link tomorrow.
 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Critical Analysis #2 >> shatterd glass   [ Page: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  ] Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors