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Passions in Poetry

Tongue In Cheek Chess

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turtle
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since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


0 posted 02-12-2009 02:50 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for turtle

Tongue In Cheek Chess

From abbey by cobble jarred cart
And castle, or bailey they came;
Both Frier and Knight to take part,
In a game that is not a game.

With knowledge that's not learned from books.
By chance, or by skill if they could.
They castle king, queen, pawns, and rooks,
On a board that's made not of wood.

By moving with clever rebuke,
Too eager to kings tempting bait.
An overly daring young Duke,
Will lose head if he calls checkmate.

For back in those med'eval days,
When royal was famous at birth;
If heirs erred in less princely ways,
They would langiush in caution's  mirth.

It's caution that's better than fame,
And keeping one's head can be good.
In a game, that is not a game,
On a board that's made not of wood.


turtle
© Copyright 2009 turtle - All Rights Reserved
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
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1 posted 02-12-2009 02:52 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle


sorry, I guess I was asking too much.

[This message has been edited by turtle (02-12-2009 09:18 PM).]

chopsticks
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since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


2 posted 02-13-2009 03:44 PM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Turtle, don’t be so impatient, CA grinds slow.

I know the poem is about some medieval royalty , that maybe lost a head.

Change the line that says “ “ In a game that is not a game “ change ~ Is not ~ to a contraction
.
Maybe something like this “Playing  a game that isn’t a game.” You have a West Virginia  oxymoron there

Grinch
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since 12-31-2005
Posts 2710
Whoville


3 posted 02-13-2009 04:38 PM       View Profile for Grinch   Email Grinch   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Grinch


The Magna Carta?

turtle
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since 01-23-2009
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4 posted 02-13-2009 04:52 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Thanks chops. This old poem has many problems. It is just something that I'm currently working on and trying to decide if it's worth saving or not. It has some things I like. Like the mixed trimeter. As the title indicates it is intended to make light of those in a presumed position of power that pass judgment on others based solely on unfounded opinion. The metaphor is supposed to be a day at court, playing chess circa 1215 (The year the Magna Carter was sealed). At any rate, that is what this is supposed to be.S1L4 is an oxymoron and I'm trying to use oxymorons, puns, and satire in the poem for effect.

I like that you see S1L4 as an oxymoron, but I don't understand why you think I should change  "is not"
to isn't? The line would still be an oxymoron? West Virginia? heh Yeah I guess it is a little clumsy.

Hi Grinch Yes the Magna Carter changed the concept of judging based on opinion to judgement based on
law.

Turtle    

[This message has been edited by turtle (02-13-2009 09:08 PM).]

turtle
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5 posted 02-13-2009 05:56 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

chopsticks
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6 posted 02-13-2009 07:42 PM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Yes they are both oxymoron , but for me “Playing a game that isn’t a game.”  

flows better  than  “ In a game that is not a game “

I’m still working on the board that is not wood

“Playing a game that isn’t a game.”  isn’t as oxy.
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
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7 posted 02-13-2009 09:03 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

You're right.


Quote:

“Playing a game that isn’t a game.”  isn’t as oxy.

But, I want it to be an oxymoron:

in a game that is not a game

Is a riddle.

If a game is not a game, what is it?

Head losing, dead serious?    

I’m still working on the board that is not wood.... lol

If a "board" is not made of wood, what else could it possibly be made of? lol

I'm gonna have to look this word up in the dictionary and see what else a "board" might be...

I'll get back to you in a minuite......

  

chopsticks
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since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


8 posted 02-14-2009 08:11 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

“If a "board" is not made of wood, what else could it possibly be made of? Lol”

Oh yes, that ageless question that mankind ask when he slivered out of the primordial ooze, right up there with that chicken and egg thingy .Please answer the riddle, we are expecting great revelation from you.

I’ll be right back .
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
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9 posted 02-14-2009 03:07 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Hi chops,

Please don't be offended at my kidding, if I'm not kidding you I probably don't like you.        

This poem is not all that profound. Ideally, I would like the reader to come away from this poem thinking,
So what. Nothing has changed and men are still judging others based on their opinion.
I don't have expectations that everyone will get this poem and it would be impossible for anyone
to know the specifics that it is based on. But, I would like that the reader at least sees that there is
more going on here than chess.


If a board is not made of wood, what else could it be made of?....

If I wanted a cheap chees board, I might stop by Wal-Mart and buy one made of plastic.

That is a board that's not made of wood.

You are also a member of this poetry board and that too, is a board that's not made of wood.

I don't think they had a Wal-Mart in 1215 Runnymede England, so I'm probably referring to
a board that is a group of persons having managerial, supervisory, or investigatory powers.
Like (The board of directors).

turtle        
chopsticks
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since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


10 posted 02-14-2009 04:13 PM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Turtle, I won’t take offence or even a garden gate .  I understand about the board  I thought it was some

kind of religious  trappings from the crusades or The Magna Carta .  
turtle
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11 posted 02-14-2009 04:38 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Yes you're right and in those days it was the church and the king's court who were doing most of the judging.

If the High Lord was a latent homosexual and thought some young squire's pants were too tight and he had too much powder in his wig...His life was in danger.

If a church elder didn't like the little old lady that lived next door and he thought she might be a witch....Her life was in danger.

The failings of this poem are not the readers, they are mine. I am just trying to figure out why and what I might do about it.



Allogenes
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since 01-16-2008
Posts 35


12 posted 02-15-2009 06:27 PM       View Profile for Allogenes   Email Allogenes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allogenes

    A nice poem, Turtle.

    At the risk of stating the obvious, I think the obscure historical references would alienate a wider audience. A short prose-explanation before or after the poem might help to allay the confusion, and would probably make it far more enjoyable to the majority of readers.

    I did spot an out-of-place comma in the last stanza - unless you intended it as a pause: "In a game, that is not a game,"


   Also, "In a game that is not a game," works fine for me. I think it lends the poem a 'madcap' feel.

   - Allogenes
turtle
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since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
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13 posted 02-15-2009 06:59 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Thanks Al,

This is a good and honest critique.

Yeah, this poem has many problems, but I've at least decided to try and fix it.

turtle
 
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