Haha, you guys are champs - I came back for some help on improving and I get it right out of the gate!
In regards to this poem, I was writing rhyme poetry; however, I do agree that any existence of rhythmic flow is absent. I also agree that it is quite telling, and does not leave much to the reader in regards to imaginative space - but that I did purposely.
What I was ultimately attempting to achieve is a piece where my sentiments (as the author) are in plain view, and after having contemplated them, the reader can then move on to their own personal thoughts - carrying with them the light I might have shed onto this particular scenario through my own experience.
If you know of any better ways I could achieve that, I'll gladly appreciate the advice.
p.s. I agree - very wordy... reading it over now, it seems a touch awkward.