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Passions in Poetry

Geppetto's Dream

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turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
[First Post] 491
Harbor


0 posted 01-23-2009 03:17 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for turtle


Geppetto's Dream

Geppetto drifted at the hearth
To hopes beyond redeem,
And in the flicker's licking light
Were heaped his stifled dreams.

Long cherished days of innocence
Lay whittled bare with time.
If only he could now regain
A youth once held sublime.

Geppetto stroked the wide-eye brow
Of little Figaro.
When, in a simple cat-stretch yawn,
A spark began to grow.

Perhaps, he mused, you'd dance a jig
With strings tied to your paws,
And I could lift this emptiness
With puppet show applause.

What fun, my friend, to fill this shop
With strains of giggled joy?
I think I'll buy a block of pine
And carve myself a boy.

turtle

[This message has been edited by turtle (01-24-2009 08:45 PM).]

© Copyright 2009 turtle - All Rights Reserved
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


1 posted 01-24-2009 01:35 PM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Hi Turtle, I wonít say your poem is good, as that is basically irrelevant ; But I will say itís not bad .

I think you missed the perfect rhyme a couple times, that is if you were trying for rhyme.

Btw, there is a brilliant poem on here about a puppet ( By Balladeer ) I donít know how to find it and I donít even remember the forum itís in .

Now I remember the name  " The dummy "
Grinch
Member Elite
since 12-31-2005
Posts 2710
Whoville


2 posted 01-27-2009 05:40 PM       View Profile for Grinch   Email Grinch   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Grinch

http://piptalk.com/main/forumdisplay.cgi?action=displayarchive&number=53&topic=000628
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


3 posted 01-28-2009 12:05 AM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Thank you both for posting and the link. Although a lovely poem by balladeer, its message is different from this post.

Turtle
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


4 posted 01-28-2009 12:23 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I think it's excellent, turtle. You certainly do know your meter. If I had any complaint, it would be this..

There are deadly words in rhyming poems, words that make the skin crawl and hairs on the arm stand up, words that have been so overused because the poets is searching for a forced rhyme. SUBLIME heads that list with STRIFE coming in a close second. They take away from the quality of the poem.

The poem itself is excellent...good story, good message and great construction
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


5 posted 02-09-2009 05:52 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Turtle...

I had to go searching to find your first post, and I'm glad I did...

I wishyou had first posted this in Open
because Critical Analysis won't let me
send you a very special greeting!

But, welcome to Passions!



" It matters not this distance now  " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love
~*~
KRJ
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


6 posted 02-09-2009 10:14 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Thanks Sunshine,


I started posting on these online blogs several years ago, and I stopped posting several years ago.
Since then, I've written a few poems that I wanted critiqued. Plus I am trying to gather and organize
my work. As I'm going through it making changes and repairs, I like to throw them out here for
some feedback. I welcome the welcome. I think this is a friendly, laid-back site and hope
I can stick, for awhile anyway.


BTW....This "the family" thing.......Is the mafia funding this site?


Turtle
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


7 posted 02-09-2009 10:25 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

In no way, whatsoever...



turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


8 posted 02-09-2009 11:57 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

pssst!  
 
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