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Passions in Poetry

Fugue

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oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


0 posted 01-21-2009 11:26 PM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for oceanvu2

Fugue


When diagnosed, a certain fugue engendered,
A period of weeks in which I was not here,
Though I suppose I went from day to day
And did my days, so little is remembered.

Yes, I have sat with death in life, removed
In meditation on another, resolved
To be detached, God help me, and bemused.
I lost myself in meaningless, reproved.

Oh my sweet friends, who drift from known
To nothing, I am closer now.  Never
Will I shun the clutter of lost time.
The fugue and resolution are Divine.
© Copyright 2009 Jim Aitken - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 01-22-2009 06:14 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I have lived in these words and died the small deaths they convey, and I still don't feel qualified to critique such a thing.

The only question I have is why is such perfection in a critique forum?

(allow me a quick kiss, yes? )

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


2 posted 01-24-2009 07:13 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

*smile*

I toldja...

there's nothin' to critique.

turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


3 posted 01-27-2009 05:00 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

HI oceanvu2,

You being a senior member here might mean that others would know what sort of critique you are looking for. Being a newbe however, gives me no such advantage. My first thought was Well! Fugue too! lol! (kidding).

I don't know who has been working with you folks, but many of you seem to be under the impression that the first letter of each line in a free verse poem should be capitalized. This is simply incorrect. It is an option in structured verse, but not free verse. (If anyone wants to dispute this point, I would be happy to provide links to web sites that explain this.)

"engendered" in S1L1 has a sexual context that, I think, may not be intended. It does mean to produce, but sexually. You would also want to drop the comma after "engendered" as it produces an incorrect parenthetical set that may also not be intentional. Now, in S1L3 you have what should be a parenthetical set that is not properly punctuated "Though(,) I suppose(,)"

S2 is a run-on sentence and is a bit hard to follow "meditation on another" is just to vague for me to understand your meaning and "meaningless, reproved." is grammatically incorrect. Perhaps you mean:

"meaningless reprove."

I think I would drop the "Oh" in S3L1. It expresses a lament that just isn't supported in the body of the sentence it begins. And, "I am closer now" is too vague for the reader to know your intention. In addition, I would drop the "The" in S3L4, it is simply not needed and I feel the line would read smoother without it.

Hope this helps

Turtle
oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


4 posted 01-30-2009 03:46 PM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

Hi Turtle, and thank you for your comments!

First, there is no need to worry about who is a "senior" member or a member astronomical.  It's a silly system than only reflects the number of posts someone has made, has nothing do with knowledge, quality of work, or status in this odd community.  A "newbie's" comments or work are just as valid, or invalid, as anyone else’s.  In fact, if it were not for fresh voices, all the forums would become pretty stale in a hurry.  And there are times when that happens anyway.

I've been told to fugue off on any number of occasions.  Not a problem.

"RE:  I don't know who has been working with you folks, but many of you seem to be under the impression that the first letter of each line in a free verse poem should be capitalized. This is simply incorrect. It is an option in structured verse, but not free verse. (If anyone wants to dispute this point, I would be happy to provide links to web sites that explain this.)"

Well, this is an ongoing discussion.  Regardless of what you may have read, learned, taught, or teach, there is no hard and fast "rule" concerning capitalization of first lines in presumably "free verse." Just cutting to the chase, because there are endless "rule breakers" making the rule entirely silly, try Walt Whitman.  Or, Auden, Amy Lowell, Hilda Doolittle, Carl Sandburg, T.S Eliot, Ezra Pound…  The job of critics and academics is to make up inane rules, inevitably after the fact.  (The job of the web seems to be to promulgate nonsense on every conceivable topic, but that’s a different discussion.)

Another discussion involves the ability to distinguish “free verse” from structured verse.  Without getting into the merits of this particular poem, a second look might suggest that it is highly structured, though it may not be a familiar structure.  One form of the structure involves the use of iambic pentameter with the occasional calculated eccentricity.  It is also structured to reflect fugue with both it’s psychological and musical connotations.

Whatever you make of it is what you make it and that’s fine.  That’s the reader’s job.

Best, Jimbeaux
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


5 posted 01-31-2009 02:19 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Hi JB

I've heard many arguments on the convention of when and where to capitalize in verse.
In structured verse capitalizing the first letter of each line of verse is a tradition that goes back to poetry in 13th century France that was converted to English.

Structured verse is so regimentalized, in and of itself, that end rhyme usually end stops a line of verse anyway. So, capitalizing the first letter of each line of verse makes little difference. But, free verse uses other conventions that are not as easily recognizable. Capitalizing the first letter of each line of free verse causes the reader to pause/take a breath, where the author may not intend a pause. This is WHY the pratice of capitazing the first letter is discouraged. Here are a couple of links that make this argument better than I.

http://mb.sparknotes.com/mb.epl?b=851&m=888725&p=7&t=266912&w=1

http://books.google.com/books?id=oBj4n3Fb0dMC&pg=PA86&lpg=PA86&dq=capitalize+the+first+letter+of+each+line+of+verse&source=web&ots=5CgPKQQgXX&sig=P-JE5Kfws-dbjYQ7WgJ_ g_B7CqU&  hl=en&  sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=8&ct=result#PPA41,M1[/URL]

turtle  
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 08-20-99
Posts 5896
Jejudo, South Korea


6 posted 01-31-2009 07:26 PM       View Profile for Brad   Email Brad   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Brad

What creates the pause is the linebreak, not the capital letter. Do you want to get rid of linebreaks too?

Clif's points on MOV are funny. Bill should write more like us so Clif doesn't get a headache. Oh, and he wants to keep one convention (first letter of a sentence) and dispense with another (first letter of every line).

Solution: read more poetry, old and new. That way, you get used to both.

Still, caps, over the last hundred years or so, have been disappearing, not just in poetry, but across the board. I don't see that as a significant aesthetic reason to change the practice. Of course, I can't think of a reason to stop that gradual disappearance either.

To each his own I guess.


Brad
Member Ascendant
since 08-20-99
Posts 5896
Jejudo, South Korea


7 posted 01-31-2009 08:01 PM       View Profile for Brad   Email Brad   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Brad

Jim,

Sorry, I caught up in the theory stuff -- again.

Two quick things:

1. I have no idea what a fugue sounds like.

2. This strikes me as too general. Is it supposed to be like that?
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


8 posted 02-03-2009 08:45 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

“there's nothin' to critique.”

Blaze, you are right .

viking_metal
Senior Member
since 02-02-2007
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.


9 posted 02-07-2009 08:56 PM       View Profile for viking_metal   Email viking_metal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for viking_metal

I only capitalize the beginning of each sentence in free verse.  

Anyhoo- this is deep stuff. Too deep for me. My brain's drained, to the point where I can't even wrap it around the poem at the moment. I'll come back at a later time, when I've got the brainpower stored up.

Let me know when you're gonna slingshot that message my way.

Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.

 
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