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Passions in Poetry

Draft of poem called the White Knight

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ShortBanshee
New Member
since 01-11-2009
[First Post] 2
UK


0 posted 01-11-2009 06:40 PM       View Profile for ShortBanshee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ShortBanshee


This poem is called the "White Knight", It isn't a serious poem and is aimed at young children. I would be grateful of any help.


There is a white knight,
He doesnt know which end of the lance is which.
Every time he tries to mount,
The horse runs away with fright.
His armours missing most the plates,
Hes wearing odd socks again.

He decides the horse is too much hassle.
Says,
Ill walk the way.
But he doesnt know left from right,
And could it be fate,
That he ends up flat on his face.

The mule watches amazed,
As the knight argues with a tree,
Then hurts his knee.
Hes beginning to flag,
So he decides to signal.

Squire!
Your assistance is required,
The enemy is too great,
We need to escape

The squire rushes out,
The hunting hut.
Sword in one hand,
Mutton bone in the other.
Sire I say,
Its night,
Come inside,
We have ham,
And light.

Its all in the hair,
You see.
The minds all there,
Just its starting to reach the feet.
Even dye,
Cant hide these streaks.

© Copyright 2009 Patrick Joshua Kerr - All Rights Reserved
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


1 posted 01-13-2009 10:22 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Hi Banshee, nature abhors a vacuum . I feel the same about  zeros ,so I am offering a new word for things that are here, there, , everywhere/nowhere. The word is  ~ Vaco ~ rhymes with wacko , but thatís me not you .

Btw, welcome to the forum .

oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


2 posted 01-13-2009 11:31 PM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

Hi!  Re:  This poem is called the "White Knight", It isn't a serious poem and is aimed at young children."

I have to think this is a tongue in cheek remark.  There probably isn't a child under thirty who could make hide nor hair of it.  It defies all conventions of "story" poems (not necessarily bad) introduces characters and incident at random, and make no linear sense.

Pretty much, it reminds me of the fables which Henry Miller wrote in the 30's.  That's not bad either.

It's OK and fun to pull someone's leg with a silly intro, but it's also OK to offer something up for what it is.

If you are serious about this being a poem for children, I suggest you talk to some children.

Best, Jimbeaux
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