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Passions in Poetry

My Fancy Flee

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GoGore
Junior Member
since 01-05-2009
[First Post] 11


0 posted 01-05-2009 08:19 AM       View Profile for GoGore   Email GoGore   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GoGore

Hi ya'll, I'm new here on the forums ( if you couldn't already surmise ) and been interested in getting some of my poetry "appraised", haha just a little joke. Anyways Have at er.

My Fancy Flee

My vast eatery were I find my fancy flee;
I've taken my fill of turbo steak as it goes
prone on the grill.

I've waited an hour or so for two hand-fulls of
soggy oats, deep fat fried and gelatinous. There
comes a point of no return when

to call the four cups of coffee as one
wouldn't be an understatement here,
the cow practically comes bloody out of

the box I sit in across from two gutter (removed), who
know no better than to pass their drunken trespasses
unto me

And tonight I'll feel my fancy flee across the table
my vast eatery; I've taken my fill of turbo steak
as it goes prone on the grill.

© Copyright 2009 GoGore - All Rights Reserved
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


1 posted 01-11-2009 11:01 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Hi Gore, is this poem so mysterious that it may actually  be telling a story ?

I have assigned algebraic numbers to the first stanza of the  poem and only you will know if I am right.

8 9 6 4 0 3 4 1
3 7 0 3 6 4 2 1 7
6 7 5  #

I may have spelled the last number wrong .

Btw, I used the bible code format on your poem .

oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


2 posted 01-14-2009 12:39 AM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

Sounds like Henry Miller's prose, which was also Henry Miller's poetry.

Best, Jimbeaux
GoGore
Junior Member
since 01-05-2009
Posts 11


3 posted 01-14-2009 08:24 AM       View Profile for GoGore   Email GoGore   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GoGore

This wasn't stolen if that's what your implying ocean. Just a stupid little poem I WROTE while sitting around a diner, and I've never heard of  Henry Miller mind linking me to the poem specified? I'd love to read it.

thanks,
Go.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


4 posted 01-14-2009 05:53 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Welcome to PiP, GG. I think Jim was implying that Miller's prose was his poetry...a poetic story, if you will. At least, that is how I read Jim's reply.

My understanding of this poem is that you live in a country other than the U.S. if I understand some of your lingo; but I definitely got that you were in a diner and it wasn't fast food if you'd gone through four cups of coffee.

However, I'm totally lost as to chopsticks reply!
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


5 posted 01-14-2009 07:19 PM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Sunshine, it makes me feel bad that you understood Oceanís reply and not mine. What it was, I thought I detected a couple things in the poem that made me think he was using a subliminal message and I was just trying to communicate with the poet . I wonít do that again as I gave some of my secrete coded numbers away.

Btw, about the poet's lingo and being from another country, I think the English was very good .

oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


6 posted 01-15-2009 07:22 PM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

Hi -- Wasn't implying at all that you stole something from Henry Miller, sorry for that confusion.

Miller was a novelist and essayist, one of the 20th century's least appreciated, at least so far.  Most people never bother to read his work, and know him only as a subject of controversy for the "banned" Tropic of Cancer, which was intentionally scabrous.  For a better idea about Miller, see if you can find the essay-like works "The Air Conditioned Nightmare" or "The Colussus at Maroussi."   Eye openers, and you should be able to understand the relationship to your poem by dipping in anywhere.

No slight intended.  Jimbeaux
GoGore
Junior Member
since 01-05-2009
Posts 11


7 posted 01-16-2009 01:00 AM       View Profile for GoGore   Email GoGore   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for GoGore

My apologies ocean, I read your response in a couple different ways but just kept on coming back to you thinking it was trifled with.

Miller... sounds like a poet I could really get into. Thanks for the header ocean!

As far as this poem, it kind of feels silly saying this but it's much more of a social commentary than anything else I've ever written. I'm left wondering whether it can stand up in its current shape. . .

Well, guesses are I haven't gotten a single negative feel towards it. If'in your still up to the task, gut the fish.

Thanks,
Go.
oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


8 posted 01-16-2009 01:34 AM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

Hi -- The fish can't be gutted.  It's a fish guts and all, maybe especially all.  Your working in a vein not often excavated with intelligence in Pip.  Some other folks can and may respond to you from an informed perspective, as Sunshine did, but by and large, the most you will get here is pap.

I feel very sorry about that.  The dozen or so folks who actually have something to contribute are as time constricted as anyone else, so you may or may not get a fair shake.  Don't worry about it.

If someone says your poem is "good" or someone says your poem is "bad," it's basically irrelevant, except for the "bads."
I don't even want to get into this one, because I could do another two hours on it and it would still be a "good."  You speak with an authentic voice.  You know how to clean up the details.  What else is there?

You can get involved in this community by checking out the poems by Brad, Grinch, Moonbeam, Serenity, Susan Caldwell, Robert Jordan and others who have their own unique and valuable voices.  Find out whom you are talking to, and who is talking back.  There is a lot more to PiP than PaP.

Best Jimbeaux  
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


9 posted 01-16-2009 08:19 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Dear Go Go,  I may owe you an apology, but I think more of an explanation :

After your poem was not replied to for almost a week, I guess I PAPíED you hoping  to be a catalyst  for  

a clear and pleasant critique of  your poem , I see it didnít work.

 
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