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Passions in Poetry

Senses & imagery

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Marc-Andre
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since 12-07-2008
Posts 500


0 posted 12-30-2008 10:29 PM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Marc-Andre

I wrote these two ottava rima stanzas as a "sensual" exercise, trying to bring in the five senses (sight, sound, smell, taste & touch), particularly texture. Also, I've tried to craft soft sound effects (assonance, alliterations and use of soft consonants) that I believe fit the topic. Feedback on these points would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading. Mark
________________________________________________
That morn, we harbored by the leafy oak
Where sun had yet to parch fresh dew on grass;
Its arching branches the desired cloak
Would furnish us, a doss where we’d have brass
To draw within its shadow skirt our soke
As damselfies accoutred our madras:
From there we had renounced lush  fields of berries
To munch each other’s lips as they’d been cherries.

We lay as marl and loess clung to our chests,
Our cheeks were still imbued with morning dew,
And there I made a banquet of your breasts
As you perused my late penned billet-doux;
Your dainty hands my back and arms caressed
As with your lips you would my nape bedew:
Soon conscious that our hearts and flesh were swooning
Our eyes agreed it was but the beginning.
© Copyright 2008 Marc-Andre Germain - All Rights Reserved
chopsticks
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since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


1 posted 01-01-2009 08:04 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Happy New Years Mark and all the ships at sea , your poem is not exactly my kind of poem ( had to look up

ten words and that I believe is a one poem record for me ) However, if it had been my kind of poem,

I would have liked it, as you accomplished what you set out to do with the  five senses .

Btw, I am a very modest person and with all the reason to be so . ( Mark Twain )
Marc-Andre
Senior Member
since 12-07-2008
Posts 500


2 posted 01-07-2009 05:23 AM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marc-Andre

Thanks for the feedback Chopsticks, and to take the time to leave a comment even though it was not your kind of poem. And a Happy New Year to you too. Mark
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


3 posted 01-07-2009 08:15 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

Mark, please know that your poem could be very good and I think it is. It is just beyond my scope of comprehension . So please don’t keep your day job on my account.

Marc-Andre
Senior Member
since 12-07-2008
Posts 500


4 posted 01-07-2009 12:25 PM       View Profile for Marc-Andre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marc-Andre

LOL. Well, Chopsticks, with poetry and playwrighting, not only I need to keep my day job, I might need to get an evening job as well   But I wouldn't have it otherwise. And believe me, your comments are highly valued here. By the way, as you seem to like ballads, you might enjoy that one: http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum106/HTML/003080.html Have a marvelous day! Mark
 
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