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Good to Have Survived
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Good to Have Survived |
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E9br New Member
since 2008-11-04
Posts 1 |
My high school boyfriend once said to me, "That's how I felt every time I rode my motorcycle at first: It's good to have survived." Now I think I know what "that" is. It's how I used to feel every morning I woke up with you Reborn, reloved, resurrected By the thrill of your oxygen in my blood. And how I felt when we were apart, Between homes, overseas. When I used to stay up nights, irrationally terrified that you had died The feeling in my stomach Getting off a plane, watching you drive away. It was a reason to live. It's how I feel when I think back on you, On the blissful paradise adults branded child's play Holding hands, walking through the ocean spray Touching lips, for the first time Still free from the drive toward soon Not yet in the realm of then Wanting nothing more than now, The kinds of scenes one might read about in books and mistake for memories. My mother sometimes talks about when she was young Twenty-six, on her bicycle And the way she used to scrunch up her face against the wind Hoping desperately to create a few wrinkles in her perfect skin. She laughs now to think of it, rubs her face ruefully But I think her wrinkles are beautiful, Her face soft worn and wise. You-- my love, my always, anytime love-- Must have been cleverer than we To understand that feeling in the very moment of its birth. That Which now makes every atom of my being want to Tear apart again and again. I hope one day, when I have grown into my wrinkles, I will be able to look back and say those words softly to myself Breathing a final sigh of relief at an unquantifiable conclusion. |
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| © Copyright 2008 E9br - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Welcome to CA and/or PIP! If this is your first time at a critique station, it can be a little off-putting at first. Know that nobody is trying to be personal and that they are trying to share there initial reactions to your poem, however right or wrong those reactions may be for what you are looking for. Take everything that is being said with a grain of salt. If it helps, great. If it doesn't, ignore it. If you have any questions, e-mail me or Pete. We're here to help (though at times I get the feeling nobody really believes that  ).On the poem: I enjoyed it. I do think you need to edit a bit, pare it down to the specific point you want to express. "That" seems like mutliple feelings, not one, and that, I found, a little confusing. Favorite line: quote: |
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