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Second season
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Second season |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Second season My darling Jane I'm back at last where we began, alone in the stalls, scribbling this between the dress-rehearsal Acts. The air seems full of lines unspoken, cues not taken; this the very seat: the damasked hump of horsehair, an inlaid fingernail of ivory; Row D, 17, the spot where, against the grain, my clumsy knee rubbed loose your plait. You turned me; not gradually, but, in the fashion of theatre, all life and love compressed to an instant. Perhaps this will not reach you before we are here again. But if it does, please replay that carousel of knickers in the wind: my Disney pink overstretched to over-peg your M&S thigh highs. Our giggles. Your mother's lips a perished elastic smile. Remember father meeting you, greeting us with sherries, his eyes bible red, the decanter stopper rattling in the neck. Recall the streets of stares, our knuckles knotted till we broke; hotel foyers: walls mosaiced with cameras, our voices tremolos, too high register. At times like these I forgot my lines; then gathered all those moments, and spoiled the opening night. You see this headed paper? I took the job! And now I know the past need not be past. The curtain's falling. I have to go. Jane, I've changed everything: your room is peach, the Garfield magnet's gone, the sink plug doesn't seep; I rarely cry. Tomorrow you'll settle in Row C. This time I'll gently touch your braid. You'll turn. Your forever loving Clare Ms C S Williams Research Director H G Wells Institute of Temporality |
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| © Copyright 2008 moonbeam - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Perhaps the most interesting thing that happened to me here is that while I was going to nitpick I imagined, just for a moment, that the writer was someone I did not know, I had not read before. At that moment, a voice in my head said, "This is great!" Let's leave it at that for the moment.  |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Let's leave it at that, period. M -- I don't know why you bother with PiP, but I'm certainly glad you do. Like Brad, perhaps, I don't comment on emotionally engaging, well wrought work. Too presumptuous. I will say, though, the simplicity/complexity balance is grand. How wonderful to have one's own voice. Speechless-in-Gaza, Jimbeaux |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
Thanks Brad and Jim. Going through a lean period right now, so it's nice to hear something nice. I bother with PiP Jim, because once upon a time there might have been a clueless but enthusiastic writer who might have wandered into the place and bumped into a gin sipping lecturer from Korea plus assorted other inspirational characters. And, you never know, it might happen again. And while waiting for Godot, there's always the Alley.  M |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I wanted to keep this at the top for a few days more. I've often suggested dramatic narrative poetry to many writers, but this letter form is another great example of stealing/not stealing from--who?--Browning. |
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moonbeam
since 2005-12-24
Posts 2356 |
yes Brad ... or Cohen: http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/jul/01/poetryworkshop.poetry ..... Sorry not been back on your poem yet. I got waylaid by a passing virus. |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Bible red may be the most accurate color description I've ever heard. I'm sorry I have nothing more to offer you, but I sincerely enjoyed this poem. The way you gently forced me to experience that moment of your knee brushing... wonderful. -P Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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