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Critical Analysis #2

My Cartoon World

Moth
Junior Member

since 2008-06-12

Posts 12

0 posted 2008-06-12 09:25 AM

I fumble for a light,
my hand trembles as the match flares,
settles, and so

I saw you at once,
the contours of your face harsh outlines
in the glow

and then it was gone,
that single frame phosphorus flash
of cartoon show.

.

ronald might
Junior Member

since 2008-06-05

Posts 19

1 posted 2008-06-13 01:22 PM

subtle and yet leaves such a dull heavy grip..felt it! feeling it...

stranger passing by,

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

2 posted 2008-11-06 05:20 PM

I suspect the image stands without the need to rhyme. You have a good scenario, but other 'tricks' would make it more powerful.

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