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Critical Analysis #2

when...

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

0 posted 2008-04-08 08:54 PM

when she exhales
her lungs grasp for more
when she lets go
her hands clinge to more

when her heart breaks
she mends it with her tears
when her life seems over
she opens a new door

when she dies
what will she be remembered for

SkaaDee
Member

since 2008-04-07

Posts 116
Canada

1 posted 2008-04-09 01:05 AM

Hi

I had a thought.

when she breathes
her lungs still gasp
when she releases
her hands still grasp

when her heart breaks
she mends with tears
her body always finds a way.

she'll always find the next open door.
a trooper is what she'll be remembered for.

dwgpoet
Member

since 2007-03-05

Posts 122
FL, USA

2 posted 2008-04-10 01:06 AM

Hey HiddenSmiles,
SkaaDee gets points;

when her lungs heave
her tongue is tied
when she holds fast
her palms are untied

when her heart's aroused
she sedates it with tears
what legacy will she leave
when her tomb is laid aside

she has made a difference
as fertile ground, she provides.

hiddensmiles
Senior Member

since 2008-02-07

Posts 514
at the beach... i wish

3 posted 2008-04-19 01:28 PM

thanks for your thoughts

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