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Critical Analysis #2
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eminor_angel
Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323
Canada

0 posted 2008-03-27 06:55 PM


Dearly beloved

Pale skin clothed in white silk
Something old, new, borrowed
Black and blue

We gather here today

Before safe loses its meaning
In the angles of broken
Bones in the kitchen

To celebrate

The triumph of rabid power
Over the meek

The union

Of skull and floor
Fist and cheek

Of man and wife




On a side note, has anyone here been published recently? I'm thinking of sending some of my work out again.

[This message has been edited by eminor_angel (03-28-2008 09:32 PM).]

© Copyright 2008 eminor_angel - All Rights Reserved
A.Grace
Junior Member
since 2008-03-02
Posts 31

1 posted 2008-03-28 07:47 PM


Dearly beloved

Pale skin clothed in white silk
Something old, new, borrowed
Black and blue (I like it)

We gather here today

Before safe loses its meaning (I'm not too sure about this line, it' like it doesn't belong- at this moment I can't think of something better though- if I do I'll be back and let you know)
In the angles of broken
Bones the kitchen

To celebrate

The triumph of rabid power
Over the meek

The union

Of skull and floor
Fist and cheek  (I really like this, and the rhyme between meek & cheek)

Of man and wife


I thought you did a good job on this.  I like the way that you broke it up, yet how they led into each other.  The promise vs. the reality.

A.

dwgpoet
Member
since 2007-03-05
Posts 122
FL, USA
2 posted 2008-03-28 10:49 PM



Almost perfect show of your feelings.

I agree with A.Grace's comments.

I do not agree that singleness is safe however. Bcuz fornication is not safe.

eminor_angel this is an A+ work on your stlye and word choices.

Send off everywhere until you are published.

I myself, will always be a poetry student.

copyright dwgpoet 2007

eminor_angel
Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323
Canada
3 posted 2008-03-29 01:06 PM


Thanks for your comments! I agree, being single isn't necessarily safer than being married, but the woman in the poem was definitely safer before this relationship.
dwgpoet
Member
since 2007-03-05
Posts 122
FL, USA
4 posted 2008-04-04 01:40 AM



Yes she was, of course.

We have a lot of newly registered poets.

I am happy to see them, but to also

read a since 2003 registered poet.

keep it up, eminor_angel.

Asta,

RC Langill
Member
since 2008-03-09
Posts 104

5 posted 2008-04-05 02:36 AM


quote:
Pale skin clothed in white silk
Something old, new, borrowed
Black and blue


This transition is so concise, yet so well done that the two images unify instead of flashing back and forth in contrast

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
6 posted 2008-04-05 09:02 AM


Eminor_angel,

What do you want to know about getting published?

So far I've had sixty poems published in fifteen journals, and three book of poetry in ptint.  

Bobby

[This message has been edited by Robert E. Jordan (04-05-2008 12:15 PM).]

eminor_angel
Member
since 2003-05-22
Posts 323
Canada
7 posted 2008-04-08 02:04 PM


Have you ever published in Canadian journals? What american journals did you get published in?

Thanks

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
8 posted 2008-04-10 07:46 PM


I'm stuck with one simply thought:

Why the hell is she marrying this guy?

Answer that question and put it in the poem.

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