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RCat
Member
since 2008-02-16
Posts 70


0 posted 2008-03-15 01:19 PM


7.0 Liter Kachina (a word altered for PG rating)

On his daily drive home Jim spots her
feral line and cat back curve
at the light. She winks. He turns
on green, parks the Accord, opens
a door. Twenty years spin
from his odometer. Navajo white

fingers him closer, coyote nips
ripe air. His mind shuts
the door. The coyote morphs
a wolf pack—runs through his office
peeing on desks, corner
his partners. Eyes rapid blink;

his attention spans lower Manhattan
to the Jersey pike background. Tucks
gabardine, crossing cobblestone
towards her. “She’s another

world
experience,” the salesman
clicks. “Right down to her twelve
tomahawks chopping asphalt!”
Jim nods as he scans her
Chicoma inspired slope
and Apache shaved
rear. “She’s got six-hundred
palominos with a rattlesnake
on your liver!” Jim pets her moccasin
tan interior. Coyote smiles. Turns

the key. Panther muscles flex
first gear. Titanium rifles
to redline, arrow tips jet
westward: Jim didn’t come home
tonight.
Weeks later

Hopi Indians find the car in the canyon
near Prophecy Rock. Nothing else
for miles in the Painted Desert
scene—only a laptop
stripped of drive, and footprints
melted into pastel plains.

©2008 RCatino


© Copyright 2008 RCatino - All Rights Reserved
oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
1 posted 2008-03-15 08:34 PM


Hi Rcat:  If I follow the story line correctly, Jim gets murdered by a good looking Native American prostitute he picks up for an adventure.  (Cormack McCarthy territory?  I think you dislike that kind of sourcing, but I do it anyway.)  
“On his daily drive home Jim spots her
feral line and cat back curve
at the light.”

Ok, you’re not adverse to using commas, so would a comma help between “home” and “Jim?  

“feral line and cat back curve” is an interesting image, consistent in itself, but I’m not sure it holds up.  “feral” means wild, and is associated with the phrase “feral cat.”  This also suggests wariness and an avoidance of humans, not the case of the female character.

“cat back curve” is neat when you take it beyond the literal to suggest a cat reising it’s butt and inviting sex.

“She winks. He turns
on green, parks the Accord, opens
a door. Twenty years spin
from his odometer. Navajo white”

OK, this works and is internally consistent, but I don’t know if the best plan for line breaks--which you use again consistently, so there is thought behind it -- but does it improve or detract from the narrative flow?   “Navaho white is a great image for the prostitute.

“fingers him closer, coyote nips
ripe air.”

Ah, Coyote.   Being a major figure in Native American lore, Coyote, the Jester, the Trickster, does not Coyote not merit a capital “C?”  He’s a grand character, and I think invoking him here and in the next stanza is more than appropriate.


“…. Eyes rapid blink;

his attention spans lower Manhattan
to the Jersey pike background.”

I miss the point of this change in probable locale altogether.  Everything later in the poems suggests that this is taking place in the Southwest.  If the implication is that the “another world” experience begins in Manhattan followed by a week long journey to Arizona, you might want to say so somewhere near the top.  Salesman have offices and tuck gabardine out West as well.

OK, from here to the end the poem gathers steam and coheres.  It may be a case of the poem finding itself as it goes along, not an uncommon occurrence in poems.

You might reconsider your notion of the “finality” of this.  It could take a little tinkering to kick it up a notch, and I think it would be time well spent working with your quite original voice.


Just me yappin’  Jimbeaux  

RCat
Member
since 2008-02-16
Posts 70

2 posted 2008-03-15 09:20 PM


Oceanvu2, your feedback is most appreciated.

Here’s the mythology embedded in the poem.  Depending on your personal “experiences,” and basic familiarity with certain mythological motifs, these will be more or less obvious.  

The personification of the “female serpent,” as in Kundalini --- is the “vehicle” in the story.  The literal “car” does not exist --- it is simply metaphor. No hooker involved.

“Jim” is the prototypical rational premise of life, who upon his “daily routine” finds the Kachina (Hopi translation = NEW LIFE BRINGER).  Please note the title is critical and not a random pick.

The irony is Jim isn’t checking out a car --- he’s checking out of his life and following his “destiny” as “Prophesy Rock” reveals.

Other points:
Feral, though sometimes associated with cats, means: one that has escaped from domestication and returned, partly or wholly, to its wild state. So let me ask you, “where” do you think Jim is going?

“Cat back has multiple meanings: 1 being associated with the properties of a feline animal, one being a high-performance exhaust system (personifying the “vehicle”), and one being the curvature (time bending) that Jim is about to experience.    

“Navaho white” is the color of the spirit.
“Coyote” is relatively as you identified.
The wolf pack is a reflection of “Jim’s” consciousness and his inner secret feelings regarding his current condition at work etc.  In other words he wants to run free and pee (can't type p-ss) on the BS in the rear view mirror.    
“Eyes rapid blink” is the serpent striking – the transition of consciousness.
“His mind sans” is the bridge crossing. Further illustrated with “crossing cobblestone.”
She’s “another world” experience is a dead give away at to what is REALLY going on.
.
Other notes: “Jim” works in “Manhattan” (the center of the western empire) and lives in Jersey, the “stepping child” of the great “new city.”  

My question to you --- do you understand the last stanza given the information above?

Check out Hopi Prophesy, Prophesy Rock, Pahana, etc.  There’s a lot more there than seems.

After that, I’d be curious if you re-read the poem and tell what it means?

~Ralph


oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
3 posted 2008-03-15 11:00 PM


Hi Ralph!  I can only tell you what it meant or seemed to be about to me as a reader.  

You offer an excellent explication of what you put into the poem.  It helps a lot in understanding your thinking and what you put into this

1.  When any poet works in the realm of  specific historical/metaphysical traditions, is it useful to provide some clues, or is the assumption that the poem is powerful enough to entice the reader to ferret out what might be to him, or her, obscurities? Subtle hints, like the capitalization of "Coyote," "Navajo White," and "Serpent" might clarify your intentions.

In my reading, and only in my reading, the poem you explicate is the poem in your head.  Not a negative.  It's not the poem on the page as this reader reads it,  and that's not a negative remark either.

Grinch has made some interesting comments on this phenomenon.  Ih his opinion, which I freely steal, the function of the poet is to write the poem, and then it's over.  Again, per Grinch, all reader interpretations are equally valid.  That is, a reader takes from it what he or she gets, and that's OK.  It has nothing to do with the poem or the poet's intentions.  

So, OK, I could immerse myself in the readings you suggest and have a better understanding of the allusions.  Would this have any effect on the poem?  Nope. It would only affect my level of understanding of what you were alluding to.  Maybe.

This brings to mind two other ongoing discussions in C/A. One is the notion of "willful obscurity."  To my mind, that is always the poet's right.  To others, "willful stupidity" is the best way to go.  That's also the poet's right.  I admit I am not partial to either approach.

I think it is OK for a poet to fill in some of the gaps in an attempt at coherence without compromising one's integrity.  And this poem isn't willfully stupid, so I'm not even going there.

Just some thoughts on an ongoing discussions, not only here, but in the general realm of poetics.

Take it all with a grain of salt, or the whole salt shaker.

Best, Jimbeaux

RCat
Member
since 2008-02-16
Posts 70

4 posted 2008-03-16 12:26 PM


Allegory is always based on two levels --- the literal and the representational.  Jonah’s whale is an obvious example of allegory --- as are most (if not all) biblical stories.  However, many take the story in a literal mind exclusively.  In broad spectrum terms, we call such people “fundamentalists.” Note the “mentalist” in the word, just for “fun.”

Anyway, I agree.  A poem is ultimately the reader’s experience, and that’s that.  For some, the name “Kachina” in the title would be sufficient to prep the mind for the myth/allegoric aspect.  For others, who simply associate Kachina with a “Kachina Doll,” they will ground into the physicality aspect of the message --- and therefore miss the more subtle dimension of the allegory.  

You’re potentially correct regarding capitalization of coyote --- however for others, that would be like a hammer over the head.  So the simple decision of capitalizing one word in not so cut and dry.

At this point I’m reasonably happy with the poem on both the literal and allegoric levels.  And I’m happy as to what Jim experienced and where he’s at --- carving wood on the reservation he sells back east.  But that story is another poem!

Show, don’t tell!  
~Ralph

oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
5 posted 2008-03-16 12:50 PM


You're making me smile, Ralph.  Would it be of interest if I mentioned Hyemeyohsts Storm and "Seven Arrows," which he wrote on the farm in Eugene, and the "Linda" in the dedication was once my wife?  "Harry" in the dedication, was her husband at the time, although the term was used rather loosely.

You're also making me feel ancient.

Keep on Jumping, there, Mouse, allegorically, of course.

Best, Jimbeaux  

RCat
Member
since 2008-02-16
Posts 70

6 posted 2008-03-16 04:28 PM


Wow...too ironic and cool!  I’ve got THAT book --- having packed it away years ago when I moved from FL to MA (what a screw that was BTW)!

For a white boy, I’m really into Native stuff; pottery, carvings, artifacts, etc.
I hope to move to Sedona before the exit sign.  

That’s it!  I need more raccoons etc. in this poem!

A.Grace
Junior Member
since 2008-03-02
Posts 31

7 posted 2008-03-21 05:29 PM


Ralph, wow this has really morphed from the origial "For Sale:  Hemi Priestess".  I definitely like this version.  I don't think that I would have "understood" how deep it goes if not for some of your explanations.

One thing though:

Jim didn’t come home
tonight.

Is that someone talking?  Otherwise I would stick with "Jim didn't come home that night"


Hopi Indians find the car in the canyon
near Prophecy Rock. Nothing else
for miles in the Painted Desert
scene—only a laptop
stripped of drive, and footprints
melted into pastel plains.

LOVED the last stanza.

A.

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
8 posted 2008-03-22 11:00 PM


I'm frankly struck by how different my reading is with your intent. The key factor in all of this is simply that your tone sounds like advertising copy. Short, choppy sentences, inverted syntax (I guess. I don't really understand, "Eyes rapid shut"), it all seems splendidly designed to be a play on advertising.

For a moment, I thought, "Aw, the revenge of naming!" (Still think there's a lot to play with that idea), but you seem to want us to go further. The ulimate irony is that that is what advertisers want us to do too. They want us to associate their names with the spiritual yearning that you claim as allegorical. If you buy our product, you will be free. You will have power, the play of the lost 'noble savage'.

Not only that, but you also maintain the seduction motif throughout. Yeah, sex sells.

Jim buys into it all.

And it works. To some extent, I think it comes down to the problem of allegory. What happens in both the surface and allegorical meaning should match. Thus, he buys the car and goes off to find a new path or whatever.

I like the shift in tone in the last stanza, but only if it is intended as ironic. Perhaps   I'm misreading your commentary, but what you seem to be arguing for is precisely what the advertisers want you to buy into -- even if   unconsciously. Everyman, buy our stuff, and you too can find inner harmony.

The torments of Dante's Inferno match the sins of the damned. It is unclear to me if Jim's actions can get him to where you want him to be except by jettisoning the entire surface framework and arguing that this is what you were 'really' trying to get across.

And that's not allegory. That's changing your mind.

Or, perhaps, the perils of trying to write something like this in the twenty-first century.

RCat
Member
since 2008-02-16
Posts 70

9 posted 2008-03-23 12:46 PM


In the tame lives we lead we’re often searching for the a priori wilderness within. Jim did and he found it.  Is this a motif EXPLOITED by advertising?  Absolutely. They know the potency of the message and use it in perverted ways.

As someone once told me, advertising = using words against their will!  

You’re right; in a commercialized, time-slotted world the lines between gimmick and “spirit substantiality” are blurred. Perhaps this is an evolutionary track that leads to a reconnection into the Earth? Or perhaps it leads to collective demise?

One can only pursue their own unique personal truth within the framework of the world they live in. Otherwise, one must peruse the renunciation path and drive into the wilderness alone --- leaving the “framework of the world” behind.

According to Hopi prophesy the “Fifth World” is emerging, and therefore we can expect many more “Jims” in the broad societal mix.  The fact that some may use a “vehicle” crafted for such an endeavor (i.e., Kachina) is not surprising.  However, I know of NO conventional car capable of this at this time!    

Yes, the whole poem is setting up the irony at the end.  But all spiritual trips are always laced with irony.

      

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