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Critical Analysis #2
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Kent Ahby Korb
New Member
since 2008-02-13
Posts 1


0 posted 2008-02-13 12:57 PM



Pen and paper bade me to compose
A masterpiece of poetry or prose.

So I endeavored, fervently, to write,
Inscribing from my heart some deep insight.

History resounded for allusion,
Chimed in rhyme and rhythm for the fusion.

Soon the tone was set, and so the frame,
Allegory wrought within the same.

Thoughts were formed, revolving round the theme,
Stitched together, all without a seem.

Grew its deapths as vast as any sea,
Filled with wonders of imagery,

Full of life and beauty to the brim,
For the souls of many men to swim.

Diving deep, its treasures there to find,
All within a single solemn mind,

Riches stored, from treasuries of old,
Found in such, as Shakespeare would have told.

Tales of lovers lost and lovers gained,
Stories filled with romance and its pain.

Fairy tails with witches and there brew,
Cauldron bubbles, spells, and poison rue

Lies to save, to slay and to deceive.
Truths beheld, yet rarely e'er received.

Knocked all these upon imagined door,
Personified, and cloaked in metaphor.

With its purpose, delicate and neat,
All my heart, the paper did entreat,

Seeking me to search, what matters still
Hadn't yet been taught about the will,

Whether it be free or rather bound,
To a greater nature, to be found

By the seekers, who would not but prove,
For the sakes of all, eternal love.

"Hadn't we to search these matters more"?
Asked the pen, as paper had before.

"Why", asked I the pen, "do you inquire,
Shouldn't greater things than you inspire"?

Nay,! it's true, "leave beauty to the rose
Think it not thy place to juxtapose

Lust with love for Eros blends the two
Passions' poisons dulled by lovers true

Beauties fragile nature, far from weak
Does in death both boast of life and speak

Future days, with glories yet untold,
Giving hand to help these things unfold.

So will I with hand, a fragile means
Never cease resolve to write the scenes,

Rich with life and death and glory grand
How could I these wonders understand?

Surley Only God could work such skill
Truley tis of He, we have our fill".

Wondered I at this, with pen and scroll,
Churning it like butter in my soul,

Seeking fervently as I was sought,
Working hard for wealth within my thought,

Till id have the summit 'neath my feet
Con coring, with sweat and wit, my feat.

Higher peaks than any Everest,
Mounted up on wings to manifest

All the scape's of life that do escape
Eyes that yearn to lazily partake,

Feasting on the food of others toils,
Not at all inclined to till there soils,

Thinking life without its fallow ground,
Caring not of glory so profound,

Holding no regard for greater things
Like the pleasant songs the peasant sings.

These did I beseech and then behold
All the many things still left untold.

Tis the goal to write, as i surmise
Every poets venture, "oh the prize",
With but pen and paper, paradise.

© Copyright 2008 Kent Ashby Korb - All Rights Reserved
effjayel
Senior Member
since 2007-09-30
Posts 1474
At the Crossroads of Infinity
1 posted 2008-02-13 05:31 AM


Kent

Firstly, Welcome to Passions, you will encounter many wonderful people here should you continue posting, as for your 1st post, for the most part I enjoyed it. However, as you have requested no critique in your profile, I shall leave it there. From my point of view as the reader, having stuck with a lengthy piece such as this, it is frustrating to not be able to comment as one would wish.. I would respectfully suggest you re consider and re visit your profile and invite comments. Go ahead, the replies I promise do not hurt & much can be gained from the rest of " The Family "

Regards

John

McMongrel
Junior Member
since 2008-03-02
Posts 17
North Carolina, USA
2 posted 2008-03-06 01:41 PM


I am new at this, so my advice might not be as good as some of the more experienced members.
    I enjoyed the poem, but I wonder if the meter flows as it should. A rewrite of several lines will show what I mean.
I capitalized words that seem to me to carry the emphasis

"PEN and PAper BADE me to comPOSE
A MASterpiece of POEtry or PROSE.

So I enDEAvored FERvently to  WRITE
InSCRIBing from my HEART some deep INsights."

To change the beat and make it more regular, do this:

PEN and INK bade ME comPOSE
A MASterpiece of RHYME or PROSE

So I enDEAvored THEN to WRITE
My HEART'S deep YEARNings and INsights

Again, I am very new at this, but to my ear, this flows better. I guess it depends on how complex or simple you want the beat to be.


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