navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Ha, A Ballad for Sir Balladeer
Critical Analysis #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic Ha, A Ballad for Sir Balladeer Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
TomMark
Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133
LA,CA

0 posted 2008-02-01 02:50 PM


  
A white haired lady leaped into the rain.
Fox-trotting happily and twirled on the drain.
Two grocery bags balanced her fast steps
A bottle of wine shock her pocket’s pain

Her wet haired dog was howling again,  
“The old man was still riding on the train.”
It dragged her toward her pick-up truck
She dropped all her goods in loud complain

“You poodle bad have lost your little brain
Grand father soon will fly in Concord plane
To celebrate his birthday, ninety eight  
He brought his friend La Poet to entertain.”

    
Anybody can say anything
I Will continue working on this.


Yesterday, I saw a white haired lady driving  a big pick-up truck and she smiled at me when she passed me. I thought that she was very cool.

[This message has been edited by TomMark (02-01-2008 10:20 PM).]

© Copyright 2008 TomMark - All Rights Reserved
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
1 posted 2008-02-02 06:19 AM


" Anybody can say anything "

Tom, when you post a poem like this on this hallowed sight , the look on their face should be priceless..

You are the exception to my rule and long live that exception.

You are ignis fatuus . ( The-will-of-the-wisp )


Btw, I think the old lady would have smiled even if she was riding in a royal carriage .

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
2 posted 2008-02-02 02:58 PM


Hey, Tom, I've never asked but what is your native language?
TomMark
Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133
LA,CA
3 posted 2008-02-02 03:14 PM


A language rhymes squarely. Guess it!
TomMark
Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133
LA,CA
4 posted 2008-02-02 08:17 PM


Dear Chops, I am glad that you liked it. You must like it.
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
5 posted 2008-02-03 07:18 AM


You must like it , You must like it , You must like it “  You are falling into a deep

sleep.

Tom, you don’t have to hypnotizes  me, I like it

Let me guess what your language is, ~Navajo~ and I bet you have a pinto pony and you

live across the alley from the Alamo.

For more information go to Youtube and punch in “ Across the alley from the Alamo “


TomMark
Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133
LA,CA
6 posted 2008-02-03 10:52 AM


Chops, can you picture that I was counting the syllables with my fingers and reading out the stress when I was in the intersection waiting for the green light on Huntington Dr?

Must.....have to,

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
7 posted 2008-02-03 01:00 PM



Yes Tom, I can picture that.

Get both of those hands back on the steering wheel.

Please wear your safety belt if you are going to do crazy stuff like that.

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
8 posted 2008-02-03 11:24 PM


Tom, you have promise.

I can see where you worked on the syllable count and even the meter. You were true to the a-a-b-a rhyme scheme, a worthy effort.

Your choice of words can use a little work but the structure is important and the vocabulary can always be upgraded with experience.

I applaud the effort, Tom. You are a determined individual and I admire that.

TomMark
Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133
LA,CA
9 posted 2008-02-04 12:03 PM


Thank you dear sir Balladeer. You are way too polite!!!!
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Critical Analysis #2 » Ha, A Ballad for Sir Balladeer

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary