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Critical Analysis #2

Trains

pachez77
Junior Member

since 2008-01-13

Posts 10
Florida USA

0 posted 2008-01-19 07:59 PM

Train, Train

The room is dark as it passes close outside.
The clacking of its wheels beating like a frightened heart.
Its cry the moan of some wounded creature.
In its wake the windows rattle like old dead bones.
The foundation of the house seems to shiver at its passing.
Reason rushes in like a flood, it was only a train
made of cars, and wheels and rails,
bringing life for the body and breath for the imagination.

7/19/1991

poddarku
Senior Member

since 2008-01-15

Posts 589
india

1 posted 2008-01-20 07:18 AM

well, well, buddy!not half bad as i might have done. but for other's sake make some chopping.shorten the words on each of the lines. and ole! a poet to reckon.

pachez77
Junior Member

since 2008-01-13

Posts 10
Florida USA

2 posted 2008-01-20 02:57 PM

Thank you for the input, I will try harder!

^.^

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