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Critical Analysis #2
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Play the fife lowly
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Play the fife lowly |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
My life is getting way to big. Let me go back to schooner rig. Have a happy smile on my face. Sailing along at my own pace. No worries about an I.R.A. No union dues, no rent to pay. No boss man with that good advice. Thanks, but no thanks, I’ll roll the dice. Long walks with bandit at my side. No bar to cross at flood tide. I thank my God for being near. To lead my path away from fear. Let me have at the end of life Eight men to carry me, one on fife |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
My life is getting way to big. to=too? Let me go back to schooner rig. Have a happy smile on my face. Sailing along at my own pace. --Not happy. missing the goodoldetime No worries about an I.R.A. No union dues, no rent to pay. No boss man with that good advice. Thanks, but no thanks, I’ll roll the dice. --no worries...then why not happy? Long walks with bandit at my side. No bar to cross at flood tide. I thank my God for being near. To lead my path away from fear. ---well protected then why not happy? Let me have at the end of life Eight men to carry me, one on fife ---still not happy. Not missing the past now but plan the future  My turn of not happy. Tom |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Tom, you are my Guru. ( My horse if you never win a race) Tom, poems are not always personnel , I’m the happiest little poor boy you’ll ever know. “To=too ?” I think I’m right on this : I’m using it as a function word to indicate degree. ~ to big ~ |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
Silly Chops, I am talking about the mood of your poem but not your mood. Poem is very close to philosophy..who said that? but that is the philosophy in your poem. Ha, what are going to say? Tom |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Chops: I like this. It's a simple form, but I think it works with the poem's theme (that is, a sort of ode to a simpler life). quote: Minor typo on "to" (I'm not buying your explanation).  I played around a little with the ordering of the next three lines. I thought they fit together nicely as one longer sentence. All I had to do was switch L3 and L4 and change "Have" to "With" to do it. Let me go back to schooner rig, Sailing along at my own pace, With a happy smile on my face. In my opinion, the next lines work much better in their shorter sentence forms. No worries, contentment, walking the dog (?), no rush getting back to the mainland during high tide. I think these are my favorite lines: quote: It's odd, because usually when I think of pall bearers, I think of sadness. I don't get that here - and I think you intended it that way. Thanks for the read. Great message. Jim |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Jim you and Tom are right about the to/too thing. I would have bet big money that I was right. Big money to me is a dollar and a half. TOO = to an excessive degree . TO = to indicate a degree. And you are right about the “with” in place of “have” , I think I was talking to myself in that line without realizing it. Telling myself to have a happy smile on my face, will you buy that. Thank you both for the comments. |
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poddarku Senior Member
since 2008-01-15
Posts 589india |
chop how do u yield such monumental clarity? i like the first and the last paragraphs. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
“ chop how do u yield such monumental clarity? ” I do it the same way you do Poddarku, I write what I think , feel, or know. Maybe that will be helpful to some poet that is looking for their muse, in all the wrong places. |
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poddarku Senior Member
since 2008-01-15
Posts 589india |
chop, my buddy,"Let me go back to schooner rig.":what has put those words in your mind's rig? it fogs my dream, lonely yet cosy. |
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TJDoat Junior Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 26 |
It reminds me of an Irish drinking song, or something from the Pogues(is there a difference??)..... ....take that however you want. The rhythm is a bit bumpy at points, but I haven't heard it read. -J |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Poddarku, let me clear the fog : The schooner is rigged “ fore and aft “ and much easier to handle with less crewmen than a ship with square rigging. Schooner rig, means to travel light and unburdened. TJDoat, what is a little bumpy the Irish drinking song or my poem ? Anyhow TJ, I got you talking again, take that however you want . |
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