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Critical Analysis #2
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A Very Minor Voice
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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A Very Minor Voice |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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A very minor voice… It was that kind of a Very long time ago, that moment when Kids were kids and boys were boys and girls Were looking for a finding they didn’t know might be. There, in a special time, when their inner poundings thumped hard against a breast, While oceanic findings of come and go Thundered racing pulses. The heaviest of sighs could be heard in trying, in Understanding standings that were beyond their ken, But within their kind, a courage in beating hearts flew faster Than veins could carry… Outwardly, it seemed, slight acceptings were of the pillowed kind And flowing sleeves billowed, while tight pants and slender egos Stood tall for a moment, as long hair curled dreams Into romance, and I was not even a flower girl for a moment, But watched them that were, And wondered what it was all about…as Alfie filled my unknown song… Was it just for the moment, we lived? Virtues being what they were, and virtue losing ground Faster than moonshiners ran roads, Faster…till flowing sleeves hid no more… Soon enough a stance appeared, feminism spawned itself So many took up a cause like fire, burning inwardly And outwardly, factors of lives long lived As tender ages wondered what if But still suppressed by love, even then… Somewhere, the sounds of what’s it all about, Alfie… Filled my heart….again… I am growing up finally…somehow, somewhere, Parents’ apron strings are floating Above my head But not willingly…. For I see so much that went wrong. " It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love ~*~ KRJ [This message has been edited by Sunshine (01-04-2008 04:33 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2008 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
This a very ,very beautiful poem. It seemed that you sat in front me and told me all about them in a soft, sighing voice. It made me go back to search my life to find if I could related to some of them. Love every words of it esp " tight pants and slender egos Stood tall for a moment, as long hair curled dreams Into romance" beautiful. PS why You ended it with a judgment as "so much went wrong"? |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Hi Sissie/shine Tom Marks wondered about your last line here, and I thought it was what made the poem and left me with that feeling that good endings should give. So much of the poem glides in a memory light that is lovely, yet to be truthful you saw what was lacking and gave it a place. It felt like art, where the empty negative space has more power at times, than the lines of the paint brush. Yes, this was beautiful. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: How should we read this? Intuitively, I think I see what you're shooting for, but the moment I try to put it into practice, I'm stuck with the fact that what seem to be pauses or an attempt at a kind of humility ends up, even if I consciously try to avoid it, a lingering on each word separately. Is that what you want? quote: I very much enjoyed this part. quote: But have no idea what's going on here. How does one look for something if they didn't know it might be? Scratch that question, I think I get the idea, or I think I get the idea (a search without knowing the object of the search), but I think that needs to be exanded a bit. quote: 'inner poundings'/'come and go'/'thundered racing pulses'-- three distinct moments or redescribing the same moment? quote: As far as I can tell, you have a kind of transition here. I keep reading these 'their's as referring to someone else, not the children in the first part of the poem. A growing up, not not quite? quote: And now we go first person. Why the switch? I probably like this strophe the best and wonder if you might explore this moment a bit more. quote: I'm not sure how moonshiners fits here, but I like the 'flowing sleeves' reference -- this connects the two strophes. quote: There's a chaotic moment here that I like. "Love" as a censor is great and not talked about enough. quote: I like that last line, but not quite sure where 'but not willingly' fits. Not willingly grows up? Essentially, I see three parts here. I wonder , my own feeling, is that all three could be three poems and then, if you want, combined into a long one (I'd read it). Right now, I suspect that these memories all seem a bit overwhelming and you lose a lot of clarity as a result. |
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TomMark Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133LA,CA |
I do take this as a inner self-talking instead as a memory. It is the inner child-talking from a pure hearted child. That was why I say that there should not a judgment at the end by an adult(also herself). My thought. |
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