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Passions in Poetry

Bottled Water

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Essorant
Member Elite
since 08-10-2002
Posts 4689
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada


25 posted 12-04-2007 09:43 PM       View Profile for Essorant   Email Essorant   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Essorant's Home Page   View IP for Essorant


Formality and style.


Well I do encourage those, Tom.  But most of all I am just suggesting better manners.  Certainly better than some we are seeing in this and some other threads.

And I certainly include my own among approaches / manners of critiquing that may need some serious improvement.  

chopsticks
Senior Member
since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


26 posted 12-04-2007 11:00 PM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

“ Did any of you ever take a look at this forum: Eratosphere ?”

I posted a few time at Eratosphere and had some fun there. That was a few years back ,. I

don’t know why I left .


Essorant your approaches and manners of critiquing are fine, they are from the heart. Even when you seem

to come over the top it is from your love for writing .

Now I remember why I left Eratosphere. I wrote a poem just for fun that had no redeeming value and one of the members insisted on critique it .

I knew I couldn’t write fun poetry there.

[This message has been edited by chopsticks (12-05-2007 09:29 AM).]

Yejun
Junior Member
since 11-21-2007
Posts 49


27 posted 12-05-2007 06:14 PM       View Profile for Yejun   Email Yejun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yejun

Ha! Fun poetry, that's the ticket!
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


28 posted 12-06-2007 08:09 AM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

“ Ha! Fun poetry, that's the ticket!”

Yejun, I know you are right. We need all kinds of poetry, fun poetry, serious poetry, l - - e

poetry and yes the mysterious language poetry. ( Thank you Tomtoo ) We need poets that

are not afraid to write because they think someone will not get it. ( Thanks again Tomtoo )

Btw, the expression ~ That’s the ticket~ is at least a hundred years old. I read it in a letter

a few days ago that was written a hundred years ago.

TAXI

[This message has been edited by chopsticks (12-06-2007 08:47 AM).]

TomMark
Member Elite
since 07-27-2007
Posts 2111
LA,CA


29 posted 12-06-2007 11:03 AM       View Profile for TomMark   Email TomMark   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for TomMark

You are welcome and welcome again.

Why Taxi?  If you want people to wave at you?

Tomtoo
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 10-02-2007
Posts 870
The US,


30 posted 12-06-2007 03:09 PM       View Profile for chopsticks   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chopsticks

“Why Taxi “

Tom there was a pitcher for The Baltimore Orioles that would say that when the manager

took that long walk out to the mound to take him out of the game, at least that is what the

catcher told my brother.

I say that in memory of two loveable human beings .


Brad
Member Ascendant
since 08-20-99
Posts 5896
Jejudo, South Korea


31 posted 12-06-2007 04:04 PM       View Profile for Brad   Email Brad   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Brad

quote:
We need all kinds of poetry, fun poetry, serious poetry, l - - e

poetry and yes the mysterious language poetry.


Yes, I think so too. I don't like the idea of separating free verse and meter and I don't really understand the whole idea of multiple critique forums (except to reroute heavy traffic -- not a problem here).

I guess it all comes down to expectation.

I like being surprised.
turtle
Member
since 01-23-2009
Posts 491
Harbor


32 posted 03-01-2009 06:41 PM       View Profile for turtle   Email turtle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for turtle

Chops,

I enjoyed this poem very much. It has some minor problems with context and meter, but very minor.
What I'm seeing in this thread bothers me though. Everyone seems to critcize, but no one is giving,
what I'd consider, constuctive input and many posts don't even address the poem.
Some of these posts are completely full of it.  If someone thinks there is no alligator poop
in Okefenokee water, they should get off their dead behinds and prove it.....In doing so they might
learn something:

Quote:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Okefenokee offers so much, one could spend a lifetime and still not see and do everything. The refuge is vast, with almost 402,000 acres (that’s roughly 300,000 football fields in size) of cypress forest, marsh, lakes and islands. Filled with alligators, Sandhill cranes, red-cockaded woodpeckers and over 400 other species of animals,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


http://www.hmdb.org/marker.asp?marker=14657

Here are some suggestions chops that (I) think will help this poem, though it needs
little help, and I kinda get the feeling you're being ganged up on in this thread too.
It's no wonder you follow me around commenting on my posts, if this thread is the
example you have to follow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bottled Water

I am drinking bottled water
from the Okefenokee Springs;
it (has) alligator droppings
and many other things.

I (might) get cleaner water
from a puddle in my yard;
(when I'm not) a special shopper
(with a) buy one get one card.

But I (need that) bottled water
('cause) it makes me feel (so) hip, - ("feel real" seems a little tinny here)
when I'm driving in slow traffic
and I take a little sip.

Now that Gal in (her) convertible
fills me with (great) despair;
(As she drinks one on her cell phone)
while combing out her hair.

She doesn't have three hands, I'm sure,
but () does have quite a smile .
She made me miss my exit
it's back (there) half a mile.

If I ever get to heaven's (home)
And waiting (for) my fate.
I'll sip (my) bottled water
while I'm standing at the gate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      


[This message has been edited by turtle (03-01-2009 07:13 PM).]

 
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