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Under the Banner of Heaven
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Under the Banner of Heaven |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Under the banner of Heaven Dwell those who have "seen the light" Who would be willing to shed your blood If you don't get your theology "right." Under the banner of heaven Are those who judge, deceive and kill To spread their doctrine of love and peace And bend non-believers to their will. Under the banner of heaven The truth is not as it may seem, The reality is, and has always been That the end justifies the means. Under the banner of heaven Lies a history of blood and fire And an endless struggle for power By tyrants who never tire. But under the banner of heaven There's the eternal truth of the source That the message of love and peace will triumph When it is not delivered by force. Ida Werrett [This message has been edited by Marchmadness (09-25-2007 03:59 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 Ida Werrett - All Rights Reserved | |||
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Ida! It's difficult to respond to this, because it is essentially a poetic screed, or diatribe. When the import is the argument, it's hard to talk about it as a poem. Not that screeds don't have their place in poetry. It's just that they are hard to talk about in terms of poetics. Best, Jim  |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Jim, message aside, a screed is composed of verse right? with choices as to diction, meter, linebreaks, the whole nine yards. I don't see why it couldn't be talked of in terms of poetry. But that's just my thought. Stephen |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
I rather expected to be burned at the "poetic stake" for this one. However, It clearly fits the definition of a poem even if it is considered a "diatribe" by those who don't happen to agree with the content. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Drop the last strophe and put it in the first person. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Sorry, that may have come as too curt. I do think it might be fun to try this in a different mode. Put everything you distaste and turn it into a character and have him as the speaker. It's just a thought. |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Hi Brad, Do you think my "distasteful" poem would be more palatable if delivered by a "him?" I am not quite sure how I would do that. I'm not used to putting my words into the mouth of someone else but I will consider your advice. Ida |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Uh, I never said 'distasteful' poem. But think along the lines of "A Modest Proposal". |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
I like it, what ever it is. I would drop “ and peace “ from the second and last stanza. I think it will help the flow and I don’t like to modify love in any way. Btw, I don't know anything about free verse ; but was it ok to miss the rhyme in the third stanza ? [This message has been edited by chopsticks (10-10-2007 01:37 PM).] |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
When I write a poem I read it several times to see how it sounds and if it flows. If it sounds good and the flow is smooth. It's a go. I honestly don't think this one was critiqued on the basis of the writing but rather on the content of the poem . I get the feeling I broke some kind of rule about what is acceptable subject matter. I guess I really didn't realize that this poem can really bring out the beast (or the screed) in some people. Ida |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Hi Ida, “I honestly don't think this one was critiqued on the basis of the writing but rather on the content of the poem “ I had always rather my poems be critiqued on content rather than writing, I can always hire an English major. [This message has been edited by chopsticks (10-09-2007 07:18 PM).] |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Hi Chopsticks. What I really mean to say is I think the poem was not critiqued on the basis of my writing skills or ability to express a feeling or opinion but on the basis of hostility to the subject matter. That's Okay, everyone is intitled to an opinion. This appears to be a rather conservative site and I think any views that don't exactly fit in may earn you a slap on the wrist. Under the Banner of Heaven was my first post on Critical Analysis and I didn't know exactly what to expect. Now, I do. |
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chopsticks Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888The US, |
Hi Ida, Like you say, it’s just their opinion. Hey, they have ask me to go home Immediately., but I’m waiting for train fare. I really didn’t think that anybody was being to hard on you. Anyhow it was your first poem at this forum and one robin dosen’t make a Spring. I can tell you what will make you feel real good, go read some of their poetry |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Thanks, Chopsticks. I have and I do! Ida |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Ida! Both "diatribe" and "screed" are descriptive words about certain types of arguments and form. I don't see how you were burned at the stake here. I think I was saying that the message takes precedence over the execution. As far as I can tell, no one is knocking your position. I wrote a "screed" for you, which appears in this forum with highly edited language to suggest yet another way to go about "screeding." Perhaps it wasn't too effective because I had to edit out the really angry parts -- not anger at you, anger in my screed. You might be surprised by the diversity of viewpoints that show up in this particular portion of the funny farm. Best, Jim |
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