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Easily forgotten
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Easily forgotten |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
'Hero' is the wondrous being who fleeting glance perceives He walks with power accomplishments well received Till "slash!" the sword is dropped brought down to his knees The wondrous being slain from our memories [This message has been edited by stargal (09-20-2007 02:58 AM).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I don't get the first two lines. Two things pop in my head when I read this: 1. Change the title to Hiro 2. Brad Pitt saying, "We are Lions!" If you think about it, neither of those are necessarily flippant. Sorry, had a late night drinking concoctions from and with a Russian kangaroo boxer. I do not make this stuff up, I promise. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Brad- I must admit that the first two lines are my favorite and I thought the least likely to fall under critique. Understandable that the impression for a title should be "hero" I even considered it but the title I chose is almost an explanation to the poem, or so I thought, am I wrong in my thinking, or maybe I insult the reader by suggesting they must have an explanation before even reading the poem? You lost me at Brad Pitt, I actually had to look the quote up having never watched the movie. If that was a compliment I thank you if it wasn't I ...err... thank you? lol No, of course you can't make up a Russian Kangaroo boxer, that would just be wrong! Of course the fact that Russia and Australia are so far apart and when considering you list your location as South Korea it doesn't instill a bit of doubt  I believe that sleep beckons and so I bid you g'nite and thank you for the critique "The rising morning can't insure that we shall end the day; For death stands ready at the door to snatch our lives away" @-->--- |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
quote: I read the first two lines like this. I can't figure out what you're doing with that dependent clause. Perhaps who should become whose? Actually, 'Easily Forgotten' is fine -- I was thinking of making it more specific and given the popularity of the TV show . . . . The reference to Pitt is neither meant as a compliment nor a criticism. I try to give my initial reaction to a poem and what you choose to do with that is up to you. Good luck! |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Brad, The first two lines in the poem are showing how a person sees someone doing something amazing and naming them "hero" for it hence the who, but maybe it should be whom? I'm not sure, the English language confuses me greatly in those wonderful little ins and outs of who, whom, and whose... Thank you for your first impressions! I'm always glad to see what comes to mind in the first read, although I now have to go watch the movie to see what you mean. I seem to have the uncanny knack of picking titles that have something to do with movies or tv shows and since I did so again, your right, consider the title changed to "Hero". I'm actually quite overjoyed that these are the biggest problems you see in the poem (or at least the ones stated), once again thank you for the posts  "The rising morning can't insure that we shall end the day; For death stands ready at the door to snatch our lives away" |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
To tell if it should be "who" or "whom" just take the who and the immediate words after it on their own. So you have: who fleeting glance perceives Now all you need to do is consider the relationship between "who" and the words that follow it. Is it the "who" that perceives a "fleeting glance" or is it the "who" that is being perceived by a "fleeting glance"? If the "who" is being perceived then it is the object of the verb and should be "whom", but if it is the "who" doing the perceiving, then it is the subject of the verb and should be "who". |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
I think it should be "whose". Stephen |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I know the feeling, I once confused whose and who's -- in a book about to be published. Luckily, it was caught, but I was rather embarrassed by the whole thing. One easy trick to remember who -- he whom -- him whose -- his Break it down into two sentences: 'Hero' is the wondrous being. Who fleeting glance perceives. His fleeting glance perceives. makes the most sense to me. |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Essorant, Brad, Thank you for the explanations of the proper usage of whose/whom/who, makes wonderful sense to me now. Yes, Stephanos,I agree, I think it should be "whose" also. Thank you for commenting. "The rising morning can't insure that we shall end the day; For death stands ready at the door to snatch our lives away" |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
quote: Brad, your "cool points" just shot through the roof. "Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done." |
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