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Critical Analysis #2
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Women on the Beach
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Women on the Beach |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Women on the Beach A Japanese woman, a tourist like us, suns On Queen Kapiolani beach, asleep and much alone. So petite, the structured cups Of her bikini top have risen to reveal Her boyish breasts. I nudge my Katharine, and point. “So beautiful,” she says, and stares entranced. My Kathy lifts her top and finds a boyish Similarity in size. “Would you love her?” asked, And her reply: “I would be terrified.” Soldiers on South China Sea relax On Chu Lai beach in boxer shorts with flys, Military issue, no surprise. The nurses lay about in underwear. There is no privacy in in war. All do Exactly what they can. But there is no Communion. How could anyone, or I Approach these siren souls in underpants? There may be desperation, but all lie. Bondi Beach: the young girls bare their breasts In invitation, and you, my love, my Katharine, Are ready to comply. Oh, it will happen, And it does. You can’t deny this part Of loving. I would not hold you back. And when you take Calista to our room For love, I occupy myself with kites And think of tourists, whom we are, Looking for what’s right in love and life. I love you with an intensity that lets all in. If I am quiet in my loving ways, it does Not mean I cannot understand you. I Have known from our first days that you Are so beyond me. We meet, what, twice A year, and in these meetings share a love For women on the beach. I have no fantasies Of silly scenes, regrets or might have been’s. I thank you for your love, and women on the beach. [This message has been edited by oceanvu2 (05-23-2007 02:06 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2007 Jim Aitken - All Rights Reserved | |||
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
holy bojangles. i think when you take the turn to the romantic "scene" its almost a different poem completely. deathly intense. whew. -paul |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Paul, and thank you for good critique. I am posting some poems written in my 20's. Some will hold up, and some will not. Still, I say to everyone, save everything. Ya never know. Warmest regards, Jim |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I like this. I can really see the image you are tyying to evoke, and it actually surprised me. I think you also capture a certain freedom in your narrator without being too pushy about it- I guess what I'm trying to say is that this read like it was a story just for the story's sake- you don't seem to have an agenda. But at the same time, it seems so rich and full of life. Hope this helped. |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Hush, and thank you for response. RE: "I guess what I'm trying to say is that this read like it was a story just for the story's sake- you don't seem to have an agenda." I think this is a very interesting comment, hit me quite sideways! What do you think might take it out of the realm of a story for the story's sake? I think when you say I don't seem to have an agenda, you might be saying "there is no point." Thoughts? Best, Jim |
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ChristianSpeaks Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 396Iowa, USA |
To me his agenda is that eroticism doesn't always have to be erotic. It can just be commentary, and good commentary at that. Dane |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Does it necessarily have to make a point to ve enjoyable? |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I guess I just mean that things seem so politicised... there's always some stand on abortion or war... or even in a poem like this, a moral judgement- like a leaning in the poem to imply that this behavior is okay, or that it's not okay- ever see American Beauty? I liked the movie okay... but it crammed the idea down the viewer's throat that you should be different, that normal is boring and fake and constraining... a moral, an agenda. This being more of a story for a story's sake doesn't mean there is no point- just that you're not trying to cram some ideaology down our throats. Does that make more sense? |
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oceanvu2 Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066Santa Monica, California, USA |
Hi Hush: This clarifies, and thank you. I didn't mean that this poem should have a moral agenda, which you thankfully recognize. If anything, it's almost a piece of reportage, that is, as you note, and I now see, a "story." It's not a political piece. If it suggests anything at all, it suggests that things happen and are dealt with. I hope I was saying that both characters in the poem acknowlege their sexual natures, a more repressed man and a more aware woman. And these are younger people, still in a "tourist" mode of life. This is different, I think, from "teenage angst and/or lust poems" which crop up frequently. I'm not "advocating" anything in this, and I note that this is a poem, not autobiography. One thing did occur, the lighter stanza about soldiers and nurses on an Army base beach in Vietnam. A diffucult isolation of young men and young women, and the embarrassment of making contact while semi-dressed in silly clothes. Thank you for your insightful comments. Nothing was meant to offend. Best, Jim |
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