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Critical Analysis #2

Sounds Like A Love Affair

carter07
Junior Member

since 2007-04-26

Posts 31

0 posted 2007-04-28 01:58 PM

Constant smile
slightest touch
Making memories that are loved so much
Hating the wait
Loving the ride
Caught up in the rush inside
Every moment
every breath
Makes it impossible for death
Knowing safety
Inviting insomnia
Lost in a world of deliria
Scared but ready
Giving all
Regardless of how hard the fall
A defining moment
then i stand
holding paradise in my hand

compliments and criticsm are both appreciated, an idea for a better title would be good too. Thanks!

[This message has been edited by carter07 (04-28-2007 10:42 PM).]

UseTheIllusion
Member

since 2006-02-06

Posts 223
In a state of limbo

1 posted 2007-04-30 10:32 PM

It flowed well, but didn't say anything that hasn't been said before.

moondogz
Member

since 2007-05-01

Posts 397
Great White North

2 posted 2007-05-21 04:18 PM

I like the poem carter. As far as titles
go for some reason this fits for me

U4EA

kind of an abreviation for euphoria.
take care.

ChristianSpeaks
Member

since 2006-05-18

Posts 396
Iowa, USA

3 posted 2007-05-22 11:25 AM

Read a little like "We didn't start the fire"

Dane

oceanvu2
Senior Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

4 posted 2007-05-22 11:33 PM

Hi Carter! There is strength in these lines:

"A defining moment
then i stand
holding paradise in my hand"

To me, this is a good fresh image. When someone suggests that it's all been said before, take with a grain of salt. Everything has been said before. The craft is to say it in a fresh way, and you're getting there.

Best, Jim

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