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Critical Analysis #2
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Facade Muffler
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Facade Muffler |
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cypressmoon New Member
since 2007-04-02
Posts 7 |
Facade Muffler A mouth ribbed of puddled-street-black glass, peach-skinned stone and dried-blood brick gaped to a flame filtered by dispersed desert sand. The sun blared a blinding bronze in the black glass puddles shielding the building. The street was sheeted in porcelain blue. Tires pulverized porcelain debris with puttered thrusts muddled in littered blurbs. Three butts slumped atop bins were proudly robed in ragged flags from a foreign war. Their shoulders, fashioned into hydraulic joints, propelled mechanized arcs tattering plastic. Oiled cheeks, shimmering from sweat, rippled echoes from each tatter. The beats mingled with the stragglers slouching on my stoop until it stumbled off into the mouth. The voice of the city smothered it before it spilled over the horizon, like a smiling face hides it’s eternal despair deep within the glowing folds of it’s flesh. Greetings to everyone. All crits and comments are welcome. Thanks for reading. |
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| © Copyright 2007 cypressmoon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Vague. I read it twice and lacked the creative eyesight to interpret it. i pictured leaving the stoop of my house in the city? That's all I got. Perhaps dont focus SO much on abstractions, they tend to take away from a poem when they are produced en masse like this. Regards, your work here has potential! -Paul |
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minus Member
since 2007-03-24
Posts 75 |
the redundancy of porcelain in S2 caught my attention...S3 is really cool, and the rest is in need of trimming to fully captivate. all in all, a good beginning. |
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