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Critical Analysis #2
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oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA

0 posted 2007-03-02 11:54 PM


Automatic writing
Is rarely exciting.
It takes a bit of discipline
To get folks to listen in.

© Copyright 2007 Jim Aitken - All Rights Reserved
renathon
Junior Member
since 2002-06-09
Posts 23

1 posted 2007-03-04 02:52 AM


Hey it rhymes. Kudos to you!
viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
2 posted 2007-03-04 10:05 PM


Three for three 4 line poems! Give me 12 lines, within the next 5 days. Heh...


Valedictions,

-Paul

Aurelian
Member
since 2007-03-20
Posts 109
TX, USA
3 posted 2007-03-29 08:04 PM


Last line needs one more syllable to make the meter match with one before.
oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
4 posted 2007-03-29 08:12 PM


Aurelian:  OK.  I see things can't be edited after 24 hours, so here is the edited version:

Automatic writing
Is rarely exciting.
It takes a bit of discipline
To get most folks to listen in.

Dead on comment.

Jim

oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
5 posted 2007-03-29 08:16 PM


Aurelian:  On the other hand, I don't like this as much as the broken meter version.  Maybe a bad edit.

Jim

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