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Critical Analysis #2
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Beatrice Boyle
Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438


0 posted 2006-12-15 07:16 PM



The rain falls softly against my window pane.
Tentative at first, like a hesitant lover
not sure his presence is welcome.
Then, becoming bolder,
not wanting this moment to pass him by.

In a matter of moments,
the azure blue sky,
with a whisper of gossamer pillows
playing tag around the sun,
abruptly put an end to their frivolity.

Like a stern parent,
he summoned them together,
as in a war counsel,
to chastise them for their playfulness.

Thunder rolls across the sky with a mighty roar,
and lightning streaks across the heavens
to add a reprimand to the proceedings!

After a few moments, exhausted and spent,
the sky once again returns
to its former splendor
secure in the knowledge
that a lesson has been learned.



Grandma Bea

© Copyright 2006 Beatrice Boyle - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 2006-12-15 10:31 PM


This breaths confidence through and through.

The first time I read it, I wanted more conflict. The second time I read it, I found myself satisfied.

It's that tingly feeling in the back of my head again.

Great job!

Now write another one!


Beatrice Boyle
Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438

2 posted 2006-12-16 01:54 AM


Oh Brad...thank you so much for the vote of confidence!  Funny you should say that, as I wrote this outside my comfort zone.

Although I love imagery...having the colors of a poem come to life...I usually write trite, life lessons, rhyming poetry  spreading Granny's wisdom all over the place.  Not very popular I'm afraid with serious poets. (I should have posted one of those for critique...you'd have a field day I'll wager.

Again thanks,  I'll try to come up with another 'esoteric' offering.

Bea

Grandma Bea

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
3 posted 2006-12-16 10:31 AM


Bea, this was really a fun read. Your imagery was great. I have to admit that I stumbled a bit when you first referred to the rain as he but it lasted only a second or two. That feature was to become arguably the most enjoyable of the poem. There is a word for that, attributing human characteristics to inanimate objects, but I can't remember it. Please do favor us with more.

Brad, I really liked your "tingly feeling in th back of my head" analogy. Wish I had said it.

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
4 posted 2006-12-16 02:52 PM


I liked the idea.  But I thought the purpose and form of this lacked ambition.  Why not go all the way and make it a nursery rhyme?  


emy
Junior Member
since 2006-11-04
Posts 32

5 posted 2006-12-16 03:25 PM


Bea I agree with the last comment, what a lovely nursery rhyme this would make!




Beatrice Boyle
Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438

6 posted 2006-12-17 01:33 AM


Wow guys, thanks for all your comments...much appreciated.

Pete...I referred to the sky as "he", as we all know the male is so much more of an authoritative figure than women. (We would have gently chided them into behaving and then offered them a cookie!

Essorance & Emy...That sounds like work to me lol.  This just popped into my head when my muse was annoyed with me when I wanted to go to bed instead of playing all night with her!

Bea

Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
7 posted 2006-12-17 12:01 PM


It is not work.  It's only a harder kind of play     
cynicsRus
Senior Member
since 2003-06-06
Posts 591
So Cal So Cool!
8 posted 2006-12-17 08:06 PM


Bea,
Kinda late, but I had to add to what's been said. This is quite a visually rich sampling of effectively chosen metaphors and similes. It's among the better writes on this forum lately and I'm glad your shared.

Sid

Beatrice Boyle
Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438

9 posted 2006-12-18 12:14 PM


Thanks Essorant...I think about it after the holiday insanity is over.

Merry Christmas

Bea

Beatrice Boyle
Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438

10 posted 2006-12-18 12:17 PM


Thanks for your kind words Sid...glad to be here!

Bea

Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
11 posted 2006-12-18 12:36 PM


May yours be a merriest Yule.
Beatrice Boyle
Member
since 2006-12-06
Posts 438

12 posted 2006-12-19 07:00 PM


Thanks Cynic (tho certainly not true here!)

I appreciate all the help I can get...good or bad.  Thank you for responding.

Bea

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