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Critical Analysis #2
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rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California

0 posted 2006-10-21 06:02 PM



“One for all and all for one” is the heroic cry,
of great warriors the first musketeers three.
Built on courage and amazing spirit, they fight.
Battles for the just, trying to defend the free.

Dressed in garments of sky blue,
stitched white upon their chest, the symbol of their trade.
Swords polished to a sliver gleam, ready to subdue.
Cracked leather, they wear on their feet, black in its fade.

Charging amidst the conflict, full of battle lust.
Where they be, Musketeer three, you can bet there will be laughs.
Broken hearts from those who fell in love.
Riding in land full of myths, for them its already been mapped.

Wherever they go to rise up their kind,
Stirring intense feelings of kindred, side by side.
Men join them, they don’t leave anyone behind.
Thundering hooves gallop into the fight.

They have begun the story of a great name.
A saga to always be told, about the divine.
Telling the tale of the bravest of the brave.
Musketeers, swordsmen who create history.
The greatest men of our time.


© Copyright 2006 rhia_5779 - All Rights Reserved
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
1 posted 2006-10-22 06:55 PM


What are you trying to do here?

Am I missing something?

rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
2 posted 2006-10-23 11:39 AM


Tell the story of the musketeers
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
3 posted 2006-10-23 10:11 PM


Okay, but what's the story?

I'm not trying to be flippant here, but I can't help but think you've left our what interests you about the muskateers.

It feels, I don't know, distant.

Or maybe a like a prologue or something.


rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
4 posted 2006-10-24 09:46 AM


It was sopposed to be a narritive.
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
5 posted 2006-10-24 01:26 PM


Narrative just means story?

What story do you want?

rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
6 posted 2006-10-24 04:25 PM


Well more of a telling about how the musketeers are how they acted, what happened, who they were, what they did.

Trying to paint their image.

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
7 posted 2006-10-24 10:17 PM


So much for trying to get you to see my point, huh?

My advice, such as it is, would be to concentrate on one muskateer, either one of the famous three (Porthos etc.) or make up your own and put him in a situation. Add conflict to make this more interesting.

This should open more opportunities for interesting language use.

I just think you're being far too general right now.

Good luck.

rhia_5779
Senior Member
since 2006-06-09
Posts 1334
California
8 posted 2006-10-25 10:45 AM


OK, I get it now but it may take me awhile to figure out how to format that, so I will try though
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