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Critical Analysis #2
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Master666
New Member
since 2006-10-02
Posts 3


0 posted 2006-10-02 04:07 PM




© Copyright 2006 Master666 - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2006-10-02 04:28 PM


I am  not good at critiquing...but I can barely read this because of the background and red ink color and because it is imbedded I can't even scroll over it to get it in white like I sometimes have to do  with others...

M

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
2 posted 2006-10-02 05:46 PM


Same problems as the other one. Stupid graphics completely obscure the poem and the poem has zero poetic value or content.

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
3 posted 2006-10-02 06:55 PM


Master666~
Just welcoming you to PiP~

I could read it quite well ...
just don't necessarily agree with it~

But, the graphic is of my President,
so, to me, it's anything but "Stupid graphics"

Again, welcome~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -         noles1@totcon.com     

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
4 posted 2006-10-03 03:45 AM


Let's ignore that this is the President.  

To me, the use of the blood red print was effective in enhancing the drama of your writing.  The short, abrupt lines reflected impatience and anger.  Overall, the poem is effective in conveying those qualities, despite the distortion with the print (a little difficult to read).  It also felt threatening and ominous, which I assume was your intent.  The title is an interesting choice but I'm not sure what you mean by the flip side?  Are you commenting on how things appeared first and then how they appeared later?  If so, maybe it would be even more potent to add the before.  I guess what I'm asking is, the flip side of what?    

BTW, Welcome to PIP.  

Have to tell you, though, we should be glad it is still a free-speech country, or this would certainly be blacked out.

Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
5 posted 2006-12-19 05:53 PM


I have no problems with the sentiment.

I have a lot of problems with the poem.

And when all is said in done, I suspect you'll have some problems with this poem in a year or two.

hollygal
Junior Member
since 2006-12-30
Posts 21
Alberta, Canada
6 posted 2006-12-30 09:38 PM


I agree that the abruptness of the poem and the colour of the print are very affective in protraying your opinion. unlike the others, I happen to be of the same opinion, though of course i am canadian and don't really have a say. I would also like to say bravo on having the guts to post this. It was a very good way to get a message across
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
7 posted 2006-12-30 09:58 PM


I agree with the opinion as well. That just doesn't make it a good poem. Maybe as a piece of performance art -- on a billboard or something. But as a poem, no, it doesn't work.

kaila
Junior Member
since 2006-12-24
Posts 37
PA
8 posted 2006-12-31 03:16 PM


Hi there--

I understand the point and agree with much of what you say. The graphic did make the poem harder to read, but that is an easy correction.  

The short lines seem like a laundry list, and perhaps that was your intention. However, I do not see a list as making a poem.  If anything, I would have felt more in touch with your message if you had created a connection across the pieces and lines within the list to create a poem. Or perhaps if you had layered the meaning a little more, the basic idea would work as a poem.

kaila

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